What will happen next with him?

[xoamiiraxo]

Firstly, if you're taking the time to read this, that's nice of you and if you're going to reply, I really appreciate it. So here's a way to kind of sum up a really long story and ask some questions to people who have been through similar experiences:

I have been with my boyfriend (ex for a week now - don't know if he realizes this yet or not) for almost two years. We were friends for long before. When we were friends, he was the nicest, sweetest guy on the planet, literally and appeared to be very laid back. He didn't push me for a relationship but I knew he liked me very much. I was not easy to get, I played very hard to get and when he finally "got me" and I fell for him many months later, he very slowly started to change after our title changed from "friendship" to "relationship." He slowly became very protective over things like what I would wear, who I would talk to and these things became much worse over time leading to frequent fights/ arguments but we would always get back together. When I confronted him about this, he claimed that, as he was growing more in love with me..he couldn't control his "protective" ways. Now that I look back on it, I know I'm here right now mainly because of me, once I let him in... I loved him so purely and unconditionally, I held nothing back and made it seem like I couldn't live without him (I know, very big mistake), he obviously took advantage of this but I was too blind to see. So recently, during the last fight (which was not surprisingly the worst we've had yet), he told me he went to a club and did something with another girl only a couple of days after we fought because he thought we were "broken up for real." Despite everything, this was totally unexpected. I should mention, he hates clubbing, drinking, smoking, and doing casual stuff with girls (which is one of the main reasons I was so attracted to him in the first place) but ever since he started to hang out with an old friend of his these past few weeks, he's changed a lot...even his attitude with me. It seems obvious he's influenced by his friend, pretty sad but moving on. So even after I found out he did something with another girl, I pathetically held onto him and wanted to work things out despite the pain/ anger I felt inside but a couple of days later he went on my facebook and saw that a bunch of guys were messaging me asking me out to movies, dinner (and i politely told them NO) and even a good friend of mine was having a birthday at a club and i didn't go, and he also saw that i had messaged one of his old friends who he didn't want me talking to anymore and he basically flipped out on the phone calling me the worst names you could possibly imagine and wishing i was dead and saying things like, "you're with me because you know you can't find anyone better than me," and during this whole little outbreak of his... for the first time ever, i remained silent on the phone because i knew that later on...this would eat him alive more than if i had talked back to him so i let him finish and he finally hung up and i decided that was the end of it, once and for all. i simply could not believe he acted like that because guys were messaging me and yet he had went to a club and done something with another girl.. i believe it's because he wanted to in a way, justify his actions and have something to hold against me so he would feel less guilty for what he did... anyways, he had the nerve to call me for the next four days and for the first time in our entire relationship, i ignored his calls without effort and then on the fourth day he sends me a text message saying, "why arent you answering the calls hu?" so clearly, he didn't call to apologize because if he wanted to, he would have left a voice mail or text message doing so..i think he called because he wants to see that he still has control over me and that i can't resist him. He stopped calling for the next two days, today on the third day since his last call.. he called again. I think I know why he's calling (the reason I stated already) but I just want reassurance, or could there be another reason? I'm very angry with him, and for the first time, literally have no words to say to him...there's nothing left.

I don't think he's realized that he's lost me yet. He's extremely proud (for absolutely no reason, but i know also partially because i've given this to him). But pride can only last a person so long, right? I want to know, from experience, what do you think will happen next? Despite the fact I realize it would take a miracle to take him back, I'm still very much on the edge of my seat...I'm hoping (and at some point he probably will once he realizes there's no reason to be proud) that he will realize what he's done and what he's lost and try to do something about it and to be honest, I just want to be there saying to him...you lost out, big time and I want him to hurt like I am right now. He's never been able to go long without talking/ seeing me, he's very attached to me... do you guys think this will happen soon? Or in awhile because of his pride? Will the calls continue or stop? And what's the result of my ignoring his calls? Also, if he realizes that he actually has lost me, as far-fetched as it may be, will he change his ways to get me back?

[cosinco]

Protectiveness, i.e., possessiveness/jealousy is a result of a lack of trust. He is extremely insecure about your relationship for one reason or another and it may not entirely have to do with you (these issues can also be a result of underlying mental health / home life issues).

In the end, he was simply crying for reassurance that you were going to be faithful. For whatever reason, he didn’t get that reassurance, he acted out resulting in everything being torn apart. All relationships will eventually self destruct if one tries to control the other due to personal insecurities.

You also sound very young. It may be best for you two to spend some time apart and establish different connections. Over time when things calm down, see if a friendship can form, this time build it completely on trust and honesty and see where it goes from there.

[kitkitkitty]

i think that you need to outwardly tell him that you don't want to be with him, if that's still the case. otherwise yeah, the calls and all that will continue cos he won't know where he stands. clear your head and get to your own conclusion and tell him then go from there. he may feel insecure but don't let him bully you into anything you don't want there's no point.

[girl68]

Lesson learned from him. Move on and don't let another such man dictate your life in such a way. You are allowed to have friends so long as you and the friend maintain a strictly appropropriate friendship and the man has no reason to ask you not to speak to said friend.

[lotus petals]

the big question here is why is he jealous with you? are you giving him reason? not one but a "bunch of guys" were messaging you for dates on facebook when things were critical btwn you two? why would these guys have thought to ask you out if you were committed to your bf? when i am committed almost no one asks me out, i just don't give out that single vibe, i clearly unavailable. i'm single now and get asked out most every time i leave the house. do you have a need to get attention and validation from other men? i had a bf do that and it drove me crazy, its not committed behavior.

[SydneyLane]

You dont deserve to be treated that way. He is insecure of you and alot of things. I think he acted nice before because he wants to impress you. I think you should remain silent and have no contact with him. After all its clear that youre not interested with him anymore.

He'll get tired of acting weird and move on.. meantime dont talk, txt or even answer his phone calls. This way you dont show ur vulnerability.

[nerdy_guy]

Yes, he did treat you badly, but I believe, he deserves closure. Just make sure he knows its over and both of you should move on. Think about it this way, if he found someone else during the course of your relationship, would you be okay if he slowly/suddenly disappeared and left you wondering what happened? or would you rather face the truth that he found someone else so that despite the pain, both of you can move on?

He keeps ringing you up 'cause he doesn't really know the status of the relationship. people tend to try not think the worse case scenario. So, most probably, he'll think that you're in just a very big fight and you're not responding. If you don't do something about this, there is a bigger chance he'll do something that would make you feel worse and both of you will just continue to shoot at each other. It might even come out that he's the one who dumped you if he's the one who gets to say it first.

[xxazurexx]

So you are hoping that ignoring him/playing hard to get are going to make him realise what he lost, change his ways and bring him begging back to be with you again.

Are you trying this and because you want him back? Or don't you want him back?

I dunno. Guys who tend to be controlling, possessive, etc, etc, always tend to be that way I've found....they can't change because it's part of who they are. I was involved with a guy who was very similar. He too had a strong attachment to me and despite the fact I'd ignore, he didn't give up calling - UNTIL he knew I meant business and told him STRAIGHT that I didn't want him calling anymore.

If you don't want him back, then tell him it's over and not to call anymore. He may stop, he may not, but he would eventually get the message and when you refuse to talk and he'd quit calling.
If you are hoping he will change....I guess that depends upon how strongly he wants you back, the lengths he is willing to go and to get you back.

[Asip4u]

There's always 2 ways of looking at things. You're the party girl and he's not (or at least wasn't before) therefore you chose the wrong guy here. All this is normal behaviour really and it doesn't surprise me one bit. You get attention from all sorts of guys and instead of telling them to **** off you keep them around because you still want them to ask you out because it makes you feel you're still that good. Right? Most other guys are there just to have you for "fun" so if you're not into all that (and you got with him knowing he's not that type) why not have the lifestyle where you're with a guy who doesn't give a shit where you are and what you do?..and i assure you there are plenty of them out there..We always want to have someone different no matter how wrong he/she may be for us. Now ladies no bs on how you can have a guy who won't get jealous and will trust you 100%. The fact is every guy that truly loves his girl will get jealous and the ones who do not probably do all kinds of shit behind your back and wouldn't care if you do the same..basically you're just a piece of meat. Anyways, there's always something negative and the great thing is you can always choose which poison you want to drink.