Suicidal ex-boyfriend, please help..

[lf_xo]

Hi all. I am new here & I desperately need some advice. First of all, I am 18 years old. I met my ex boyfriend about 2 years ago & we became BEST friends. About 7 months ago we got in a relationship. He was very good boyfriend at first, sweet & nice but not too long after we started dating he became controlling. If I would go out with my friends he wouldn't like it & would get very mad at me. Or if we would be on the phone & I was tired and wanted to go to sleep he would get angry. Then he started taking all his anger out on me, just really bad mental abuse. He would FREAK out on me, throwing things, punching things, calling me horrible things. It would go on & on for hours. If I was with him when it happened, he wouldn't let me leave. If we were on the phone, I would hang up & he would call me seriously 30 times in a row until I would turn my phone off. Then he would start calling my house & I would take the phone off the hook. Then he would send me long facebook messages just calling me any name you can think of & just putting me down, making me feel really bad about myself. These anger fits happened at least twice a week, if not more. I stuck by him, because I really loved him. So last week, enough was enough & I ended it. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was crying everyday & I was just not happy at all. He has now began telling me he wants to kill himself & that he needs me & that he can't live without me. I've tried to distance myself from him because he just tries to manipulate me. I feel like he tries to make me feel bad for him so that I'll stay. He won't stop texting me & calling me and a part of me does feel bad because he was my best friend & I used to be able to talk to him about anything but it's just so different now. He's hurt me so much & I just can't get away from him. I'm so stressed out from all of this. Please help me, I really don't know what to do here.. & thank you so much if you read all this.

[1averagejoe]

To be honest what he chooses to do with himself is not any of your concern anymore. I'd recommend talking to your parents and telling them your situation. They should talk to his parents to get him some help. He clearly isn't all that well. Do you still have any of the things he wrote to you? What you don't realize is that he's harassing you. The calls, the name calling, controlling you, manipulation, and the messages are all forms of harassment.

If he is claiming to be suicidal then he needs professional help.

[lf_xo]

I would just feel really guilty if he did anything to himself. He just called me 3 times in a row & sent me a message on facebook that said "I need to talk to you, call me." I thought I finally got away from him when I ended it but it just seems like it will never stop. I'm afraid that if I block him from calling & texting me & on facebook that he will do something crazy.

[Raze]

Congratulations! Your ex-bf is a textbook psycho.

[kitkitkitty]

chain him to a councellor's door and don't let him go.

[RdHrshyKss]

continue avoiding contact with this guy. don't allow him to manipulate you or guilt trip you with his suicidal comments. he's saying it because (1) he's really messed up in the head, and (2) he thinks saying those things will get you to come back. what you described of him makes him sound like a classic abuser...and how are you to know that his verbal/mental abuse won't turn physical? stay away from him. tell your parents about what's going on. block his calls, ignore his facebook messages. just cut him out altogether. if he tries showing up at your place or anything, call the cops. you need to stick to your guns here, because if you don't he is going to take every opportunity to feed off of your weaknesses.

[adam95]

i dont know if i can help, but heres what i think.
personally i think ur bf is a little crazy but I also believe that when in love, a person can do anything.
when u broke it off with him, did u talk? did you ask him why did he start harrassing you? if you didnt, i suggest you do talk to him and clear it all up. its your choice if you wanna give him another chance.
i know, i've done my share of crazy things cuz of love

[Lipp]

Don't be too worried about the suicide threat, as mentioned in another thread in this forum it's people who won't actually do it that use it as a form of emotional blackmailing, and people who go through with it usually won't say a thing - though given his 'condition' I wouldn't call him out on it as pride often makes people do stupid shit.

It's tricky to tell whether to block off contact (since that might make him seek out other forms, e.g. showing up in person). What I would personally do in such a situation would be to isolate it - divert his incoming e-mails a separate folder that you'll never open, a new facebook page without making it obvious that you've discontinued the old one (if you block him with the actual one and not the fake one he hopefully wont catch on). Basically then he has the means to communicate, and will tell himself that you're reading his messages, whereas in actuality his actions won't affect you and as long as you don't respond or give him any hope it's only up to him to pull himself together and get on with life.

You owe him nothing.

[Gigabitch]

Has he ever been suicidal before, or is this new? It sounds to me like it's new, and that tells me it's just one more manipulation tactic.

Cut him off. The sooner he realizes he can't feed off of you any more, the sooner he'll take his crazy, emotional vampire parasite ass on down the road and bother someone else. If you put up with this too much longer, it's going to become evident that you are addicted to his drama.

[lf_xo]

Thanks everyone for the input. Yes, I did talk to him for hours after I broke up with him & he basically just cried to me & said he couldn't live without me and that he was sorry and that he's gonna change, things he has said a million times before. It's all bullshit.

I have cut him off completely. Blocked his number & deleted him off of facebook. I need to move on with my life & people like that don't belong in it. Thanks again, you guys really helped me do this.

[lf_xo]

Oh.. and no, he was never suicidal before this to my knowledge. Never talked about it or anything.

[adam95]

well considering how he was, i think u made the right decision.
congrats friend

[Kayla]

i dont know if i can help, but heres what i think.
personally i think ur bf is a little crazy but I also believe that when in love, a person can do anything.
when u broke it off with him, did u talk? did you ask him why did he start harrassing you? if you didnt, i suggest you do talk to him and clear it all up. its your choice if you wanna give him another chance.
i know, i've done my share of crazy things cuz of love

With all due respect, this is terrible advice. Telling an 18 year old girl to talk to and maybe give a guy "another chance" who has extensively verbally abused her and displayed physical violence is a VERY BAD thing to do.. Anyone who repeatedly shows signs of physical violence should never, ever be given another chance. Name calling and threats are NOT LOVE. Not trying to disrespect your opinion, adam, i just very strongly disagree with what you wrote in your post. She should not talk to him, and she does not need to know why he is harassing her.. it doesnt matter why he is doing it- it is wrong and she needs to protect herself.

This guy is an abuser and the OP is smart enough to realize that... I commend u, OP, for being very obviously emotionally and mentally mature enough to understand this. The sad thing is this guy will prob go on to find a girl who isnt..

[adam95]

yes i realized it was bad advice a little bit late which is why i congratulated her for not giving his sorry ass another chance.
sorry if i offended anyone

[lf_xo]

Thanks again everyone. He actually called me a couple times off of someone else's number. I answered the first time & when I heard his voice I just hung up. I seriously cannot escape this guy. I'll be okay though, I feel a lot better about everything these past couple days =)