My fiancee is 34...and im 18.

[LailaK]

Why are you in such a rush to tie yourself to someone? Do you understand that there is a large part of your life that you are just ending before you even begin.

You don't want to make tons of friends in college and experience being on your own for the first time? You don't want to travel the world and learn from new exciting experiences? You don't want to experience getting your first job and the joy of making your own money, taking care of yourself and growing into a self sufficient woman?

You don't even want to take the opportunity to explore the beauty of the world and everything that it has to offer you?

I'm am terribly sad for you. My years as an adult (from 18-25) are some of the most prized years of my life. I've grown so much and I've truly learned about myself. I don't care what you say, you are stifling your growth by partnering with someone (especially a man with kids) so early in life.

I think your boyfriend is selfish. He is depriving you of essential life experiences by trying to tie you down so early. What's the rush?

[Kayla]

Why are you in such a rush to tie yourself to someone? Do you understand that there is a large part of your life that you are just ending before you even begin.

You don't want to make tons of friends in college and experience being on your own for the first time? You don't want to travel the world and learn from new exciting experiences? You don't want to experience getting your first job and the joy of making your own money, taking care of yourself and growing into a self sufficient woman?

You don't even want to take the opportunity to explore the beauty of the world and everything that it has to offer you?

I'm am terribly sad for you. My years as an adult (from 18-25) are some of the most prized years of my life. I've grown so much and I've truly learned about myself. I don't care what you say, you are stifling your growth by partnering with someone (especially a man with kids) so early in life.

I think your boyfriend is selfish. He is depriving you of essential life experiences by trying to tie you down so early. What's the rush?

Very, very well said! I agree on the part about the 18-25 year age range- it is such a critical time of growth.. i look back on those years as something I would not trade for anything in the universe.. i had so much fun and learned so much!

And yes, the bf is very selfish... i am trying to imagine what a 34 year old man who wants a teenager is like..

[LailaK]

It's easy to imagine.

He want's a wife who is easy to control, who is not fully developed yet, and who is more child than adult. If that weren't the case he would give her space to become an adult instead of trying to slap an engagement ring on her finger before she heads of to college where younger boys might turn her head.

The sad thing is that the OP won't understand what she's lost until it's too late.

[Nimrod44]

It's easy to imagine.

He want's a wife who is easy to control, who is not fully developed yet, and who is more child than adult. If that weren't the case he would give her space to become an adult instead of trying to slap an engagement ring on her finger before she heads of to college where younger boys might turn her head.

The sad thing is that the OP won't understand what she's lost until it's too late.

Exactly .. plus they met when she was 16, he 32. What type of 32 year old man starts a friendship of this kind with a 16 year old girl? It may all look so wonderful and flattering to a girl but is totally creepy. Experience makes you realize that.

[What The?]

Going against the grain here.
your life you know what you want, if it changes so be it, but then again I look at my sister who married young to someone 14 years her senior and they are still going strong. over 25 years now so...
She had been a young mum. She was engaged to him for 3 years.
Now in regards to the mum's attitude
She was going to feel bad no matter who it was.
She may feel worse because of your age.
She may also have been harbouring "he will get over it" feelings cos she may like to see him single. May not want him but not have him happy either. She may want him and now sees this as a direct threat.
Take a deep breath, be the bigger person.
Don't respond, if she attacks you directly do not engage with her. say i'm sorry you feel that way.
No court will see to take the kids if all is well.
let it roll off your back.
Do not engage in negative convrsations with your partner with the kids around NOT GOOD.
If she involves the children let partner deal with it.
tell the kids everything is fine and don't worry everyone loves you.
Keep calm, she'll get over it one way r another it will resolve.

[nerdy_guy]

I think its just natural motherly instinct to be quite defensive when it comes to kids. they came from her anyway so that's understandable. As for you marrying him, and I'm saying this in the best of intentions. you're still very young, you haven't got enough life experience, so why would he want you? What is there about you that he wants to marry? did he give you a textbook answer or is it something unique that would make you stand out from the other garden variety 18 yr olds?

[Infern0]

Its a toughie for sure.

But don't let anyone tell you you are "too young" to understand.

All you can do is continue to be reasonable, and be supportive of your fiancee.

[IndiReloaded]

Oh my god. Those poor, unfortunate kids. They are getting fcuked from every direction, aren't they?

Agree^. The ex wife won't speak to you b/c she sees you as not much more than a silly child. Which you sound like you are.

I knew a guy who did this. He was a teacher, same age, and he actually married a girl about your age. She was one of his students. He was a sex pervert, btw. I think they ended up divorced. I think you have daddy issues and you think this man is the answer to them.

If you have any sense, I would strongly suggest you do some counselling before marrying this man. Just to get a sober second thought on the situation. But you won't, I bet. You are afraid what might be revealed. So, good luck. To you and the other two kids in this relationship.

[adam95]

i know you're tired of hearing this but you are really young. you dont have to get engaged, if you guys really love each other then just stay as bf/gf for a few years, see how it works out. yes you've known him before you started dating but thats different. take it slow, dont rush it.
and as for the mom, thats just natural. just imagining your husband with an 18yr old you dont know sounds like he's just with that girl for the fun. it may not be like that in your situation so im thinking you shouldnt just leave him but dont get engaged or married so soon. you're gonna change a lot in the next few years ahead of you so just take it slow. im sure you're able enough to handle this but think about your future and the kids.

[kitkitkitty]

he may not change but you will, no doubt. if you chose to go ahead with this you may find yourselves growing appart. then the ex will REALLY resent you and it'll really confuse and hurt the kids.

[qwertz]

I'm not going to go on about the age difference as normally i wouldnt care....but as a mother I dont even allow my ex's new partners to have contact with my son and they are/have been much older than you are. I dont know them, i dont trust them and quite franckly, unless he was serious about marrying them then i would never allow contact (and his wife is probably<rightly so> thinking you wont last long term and is putting her children first) add into that the fact you are only 18...I would not trust any 18 year old around my child.

[kitkitkitty]

i think that you yourself made this a lot about the age difference, considering the name of the thread. makes us think that this is one of the problems. which it is apparently.

[hello1]

Wow I'm 20 and I wouldn't even date a 34 year old! your situation made worse that he has children. You are one crazy little girl!

[silentmirror]

Do you really love the guy? Are you sure you are mature enough to handle 2 kids?
You know, I can't blame the ex, they're her children, she just doesn't want her kids to be around their father's "new wife" who is like a babysitter to them.
You are really young, there are a lot of guys there who are as old as you (or maybe 1 or 2 years older); are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who is 16 years older and has 2 kids?

[tking25]

Unfortunately, your age is killing you. I don't think it would be as bug of a problem if you were in your late twenties, but 18?