I'm Attracted to Vulnerable Girls...I think.

[Blakimus]

Ok this is strange but I think I'm attracted to girls when they're down and vulnerable. I know this sounds strange and maybe even a bit sick to some so let me explain.

A few months ago I was working on a scene for my acting class with a girl who'd just gone through a really rough break-up with a boyfriend of 2 years. My roommate would ask how things were going and because I seemed to mention her name a lot and how much I liked working with her he (wrongfully) arrived at the conclusion that I had a crush on her. After telling him he was wrong he talked about her being fragile and in pain at the time and how it "seems like I'm always attracted to those types." He then said that while i may not be interested in her, my mind may still be subconsciously drawn to her. I told him that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard and that was the last i heard of it.

However, after psychoanalyzing myself a little bit these past couple months, I've realized that he very well could be right! Let's look at my history:
-I started to fall for a girl not-too-long after her ex turned out to be gay.
-That very same girl went through a rut last summer and I even talked about wanting to be the one to pull her out of it.
-My best female friend went through a break-up back in the fall. I took care of her but then I started to fall for her again (i'd had a thing for her back in 2007). My feelings for her since then seem to have once again subdued.
-Now I'm attracted to another girl who is intelligent, funny, and drop-dead gorgeous. Oh and of course, her parents are going through a divorce, one of her exes won't leave her alone, she's worried about her future, and she feels a bit too "nerdy" sometimes.

That's just in the past 12 months. Granted that all may be a coincidence but I have my doubts. After all, my attraction to this current girl seemed to spark upon learning of her vulnerability at the beginning of summer. Is this a bad thing? If you'll notice, none of these attractions lead to a relationship.

I think I know why this might be. I may just have some sort of "hero" complex in that deep down I want to be the one to pull these girls out of the rut. Or maybe I just want to show them that there are decent guys out there. Or maybe I know that I'm the one to help turn things around it will make it very hard for them to leave me when I screw things up.

Seriously, I need some input on this. What does everyone think? Has anyone ever heard of this before? Am I just overanalyzing? What about what my roommate said about this being subconscious? It certainly makes sense to me. It's not like I consciously say, "This girl is very fragile right now therefore I like her." Plus it's not like I'm attracted to EVERY single girl that's going through a rough time.

Thoughts? Anything? Anything?

[adam95]

well I've only ever been with one girl and thats how I fell for her completely. I've always had a crush on her ( we're friends in high school) and one day she seemed depressed and I'd see her crying often and I went over to her place and comforted her and asked her for hours that what happened. eventually she told me that she was sexually assaulted and all of a sudden I just wanted to hold her and protect her. i tracked down the guy, went to the police and got him arrested. i dont know if thats the hero complex but i'll admit that her telling me about the assault made me love her more.
i'm still with her after 3yrs.
i dont think theres anything wrong with liking girls when theyre vulnerable if you want to help them. but if u like vulnerable girls cuz theyre fragile and you can manipulate them, then thats just wrong.
so I think your ok dude. you dont have anything to worry about.
sorry for the long post

[Gigabitch]

Around here, we call this the "Shining Knight Syndrome".

You know it's unhealthy. That puts you miles ahead of most guys with your symptoms.

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/26633-description-shining-knight-syndrome.html[/url]

[adam95]

shining knight syndrome? never heard of that before

[Raze]

Around here, we call this the "Shining Knight Syndrome".

You know it's unhealthy. That puts you miles ahead of most guys with your symptoms.

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/26633-description-shining-knight-syndrome.html[/url]

You have the belief that you can rescue the damzel in distress is basically what it means. You need to realize that you can't rescue people; they have to change themselves. Also, you need to realize that in a healthy relationship, both people are a better person together.

You are so focused on saving her that you forget about your own needs. Your needs have to be met too.

[Blakimus]

Interesting, very interesting. Here I am thinking I'm some kind of freak when it turns out what I have seems somewhat common. Here's the thing, according to adam95 it does seems like this CAN lead to a healthy relationship. I suppose as long as I realize I can't solve everything and drive myself crazy trying to do so.

[Raze]

It's best not to go after vulnerable women. Go after someone who makes you happy and makes you a better person.

[Gigabitch]

My brother had this for ages. He was always collecting broken women and bringing them home to fix up. Thing is, every single one of them was un-fixable, and their relationship dynamic evolved into a very unhealthy, unbalanced mess where the only thing he was getting out of it was the good feeling he got from meeting someone else's every need. His needs? Not met at all.

[adam95]

yeah well, we didnt get together right away. we got closer friends and got together about 9 months after the unfortunate incident. its not like i swept her off her feet or anything
if you really like her, then get to know her. be her friend.
and as Raze says, ur needs should be met too. i treated my girl like a queen giving her everything she wants and asking nothing in return. and the result :she wants me to be more dominating. she wants me to tell her what i want.
just make sure you keep a balance of things if you guys do get together.