Advice Needed - Is it true that 'no contact' is the best way to get your ex back?

[Gavin]

Hey everyone...

I split with my ex girlfriend around a week ago and well it is hurting because I know just how great a match we were for each other Although it takes two and there are faults on her side too I feel to blame because I tried to stop her working in a night club which is controlling and put her off me.

Due to distance little arguments have happended and well I think she just gave up in the end trying to make it all work out.

She said that she just didn't feel the same anymore.

In the end a little insecurity and me chasing her killed it at the end, the advice i get from both female friends and from an ebook that I purchased is to leave it.

I left a tearful voicemail at the end but it didn't do much damage, I received an email later at night about a parcel that had gone astray and she said not to worry about it and put a kiss at the end - why did she do this?

Apparently she will only appreciate me when she misses me and when I am no longer there - apparently she needs to put value on me once again.

The ebook mentioned a 4 week period for this, my female friends who are genuinely trying to help all say the exact same - let her come to you.

I would like to text her and request talks but I am fearful that this will undo any good work done by applying the 'no contact' rule.

Can you all please advise on what you all think about the 'no contact' rule etc, she does seem to work this way.

Thanks

[Kayla]

the "no contact" rule works only if the other person still wants you. When you do eventually start talking/hanging out with her again, make what contact you do have with her short but fun and enjoyable. Again, this only works if the other person still wants you..

[VisualAid]

@Kayla This is true, and if she feels guilty at all about this breakup, then hounding her to talk about it is going to push her further away. Let her see what her life is like without you for a bit. Sometimes a temporary separation is the best thing for a relationship.

[Gigabitch]

No Contact is good for YOU, regardless of what happens with her. I suggest you do it for your own sanity.

[Fene]

No Contact is good for YOU, regardless of what happens with her. I suggest you do it for your own sanity.

As Giga said.. No Contact isn't just about getting your ex back. You truly need to take the time to work on yourself too and work on the problems that caused the relationship to end, not just for your ex but for any possible future relationships. It's been nearly 3 months since I broke up with my Fiance of 7 years and I can tell you truly that no contact truly helps heal the pain of a "broken heart".. You need to fix the little problems that you have such as jealousy because seriously why would your ex ever want to get back with you if you're exactly the same as when they left you?! Also this isn't about making temporary changes either because maybe you will get back together but if you allow yourself to slip back into your old self then the same problems will repeat themselves.

I can tell you from my own experience that going NC isn't easy.. Sometimes you'll feel happy if you allow yourself but other days you might feel abit depressed but I believe that we are all in control of our emotions, we just need to WANT to be happy. If you feel yourself getting depressed think about a happy moment in your life (That doesn't involve your ex!!) and just try laughing out loud to yourself even though you might feel like a fool it really does help. Don't give in to your emotions and break the no contact because this will only show your ex that you can't be mature enough to give them the space that they need and you'll also hate yourself for it afterwards.

I shall leave you with a quote that I thought was great.. "Even failure can be success if you learn from it"

[yuyk3]

As Giga said.. No Contact isn't just about getting your ex back. You truly need to take the time to work on yourself too and work on the problems that caused the relationship to end, not just for your ex but for any possible future relationships. It's been nearly 3 months since I broke up with my Fiance of 7 years and I can tell you truly that no contact truly helps heal the pain of a "broken heart".. You need to fix the little problems that you have such as jealousy because seriously why would your ex ever want to get back with you if you're exactly the same as when they left you?! Also this isn't about making temporary changes either because maybe you will get back together but if you allow yourself to slip back into your old self then the same problems will repeat themselves.

I can tell you from my own experience that going NC isn't easy.. Sometimes you'll feel happy if you allow yourself but other days you might feel abit depressed but I believe that we are all in control of our emotions, we just need to WANT to be happy. If you feel yourself getting depressed think about a happy moment in your life (That doesn't involve your ex!!) and just try laughing out loud to yourself even though you might feel like a fool it really does help. Don't give in to your emotions and break the no contact because this will only show your ex that you can't be mature enough to give them the space that they need and you'll also hate yourself for it afterwards.

I shall leave you with a quote that I thought was great.. "Even failure can be success if you learn from it"

Fene,

I just amazed for what u had written. Ya, NC is really not easy to practice and involve so many emotional depressed and also to re-packaging our ownself. Anyway if you don't mind to share, how is your relation progressing by now?

[pinkinterlude]

I don't know how many times I searched for things like this when me and my ex broke up. It's all just part of the motions. It's been a week. You want her back. She knows this. That is all she needs to know for now. I know it's difficult, your emotions are still all over the place, they will be for a while. I'm not gonna lie, it will be difficult, I'm still trying to get over my ex. But with time, it does get easier, slowly.

As for NC, you've given her all the info she needs. It's her choice now. Don't bombard her because that will push her further away. She needs time alone to realise what she wants. She'll respect you more for that. Do you really want her to possibly get back with you out of guilt or sympathy? Let her decide alone because if she does decide she wants you back, at least it'll be her decision. And that's what counts.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder apparently, and with this time alone, she'll realise herself what she wants. And if it's you, then you can figure out what to do if or when that happens.
Good luck, I do hope it works out for you.