Sex with a Virgin

[Love4Everyone21]

Hey, you might have seen my other post but I was really happy with the advice on that situation so I'm back for more.

As a background, we've been going out for about a month at this point (she's 21 and so am I). I just found out that she is a virgin. She had a boyfriend for over a year and they never had sex, but from what she's told me I will probably be her first. I'm interested in easing her up to the point of intercourse in the next couple weeks. She agreed to stay over in a local city with me for the weekend, so it seems like the opportune time to "make the move", not to mention it will be her 21st birthday. It might be a feat but I think it is definitely do-able. I'll try my best not to rush her, but she is the kind that needs me to make the first move (whatever it is) in a responsible yet determined manner. I know some of you might advise to wait longer, but I really don't want to if I don't have to. I'm not being selfish, but like I said she likes to be guided.

I've not had sex with a virgin, so this is new for me. I've read some things and most of it makes sense. I do have a couple questions though:

- Should I ease her into it during "the big night" or should I talk to her about it the day before? Honestly, talking to her about the day before seems really weird and I can't imagine much romance happening at that point. I really believe that passion should be associated with sex (especially the first time) and making a plan to have sex destroys that passion and spontaneous feeling. But, I've read that it's better to talk about it before.

- Should oral precede full intercourse? Usually the base-theory seems to work, but I'm not exactly sure what to think in this situation. I'm kind of assuming she's done oral but isn't experienced with it.

Thanks in advance!

[Raze]

If you're in a relationship, you need to be comfortable about talking about everything. From my time being here, so many people have helped answer my questions and that's what I've gathered thus far. You should talk to her the day before so it doesn't come across as rape. lol.

People who haven't sex sometimes have weird interpretations of situations and I don't want you to get into legal trouble if she somehow misinterprets the situation. I'm thinking worse-case scenario. You don't know me very well, but I always think of worst-case scenarios when I'm dealing with situations so that I'm mentally prepared for them when they happen.

I don't think she's ready if she was with a guy for a year and didn't have sex. That's a long time without sex.

[lahnnabell]

You guys need to talk about it way before hand. Don't spring it on her in the heat of the moment 'cause she may feel pressured to perform for you, and that is NO GOOD. It'll give her a bad first impression of sex, and it'll frustrate you both when things don't go as you planned. Do not expect to seduce her in a hotel room. Just no. If you guys can't talk about this beforehand, then you're not ready.

She will most likely not orgasm the first time because she'll be too busy getting used to the new sensations and the mental and emotional side of the experience. There will be plenty of time to be spontaneous, but devirginizing someone is not that time.

[hello1]

This sounds almost exactly similar to me and my boyfriend! I lost my virginity at 20 to my boyfriend so I was in the position your girlfriend in. We both went away for the weekend too, to enjoy each other company and maybe to have sex. He made it clear to me he didn't want me to feel pressured to have sex on that weekend. What we did was enjoy a lovely day out then at night my boyfriend started kissing me. Oral sex is the best before as it will make it hurt less when you go in. First time don't expect her to be moaning in pleasure or to be confident! She properly knows already sex will properly happen! Just let it happen naturally. She would not go away with you if she didn't want something to happen.

[Junket]

1 month and sex with a virgin?

Doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

[Kagerou]

1 month and sex with a virgin?

Doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

Yeah I'm with Frasbee, she will end up thinking you just want in her pants. Are you committed to this girl? You're about to take something she can never get back, don't rush it. Talk to her about it way in advance first, see what her thoughts are on the matter (not the night before)

[Love4Everyone21]

Yeah I'm with Frasbee, she will end up thinking you just want in her pants. Are you committed to this girl? You're about to take something she can never get back, don't rush it. Talk to her about it way in advance first, see what her thoughts are on the matter (not the night before)

In a way I have talked with her about it already. I just haven't like planned a night for it, which I really don't want to do but I might iif you guys (actually, girls in particular) think it is the right thing to do.

The only reason I say I've already talked with her is because I've talked with her about having sex. She said she is willing to have sex. Should I be more specific? Should I say 3 or 4 days in advance of us going on this trip, "I'm thinking we should give it a try"?

In a way I personally feel like if I kind of pre-plan sex that it shows more "pressure" rather than just having a nice evening, getting romantic, and having it happen. Am I wrong?

[lahnnabell]

In a way I have talked with her about it already. I just haven't like planned a night for it, which I really don't want to do but I might iif you guys (actually, girls in particular) think it is the right thing to do.

The only reason I say I've already talked with her is because I've talked with her about having sex. She said she is willing to have sex. Should I be more specific? Should I say 3 or 4 days in advance of us going on this trip, "I'm thinking we should give it a try"?

In a way I personally feel like if I kind of pre-plan sex that it shows more "pressure" rather than just having a nice evening, getting romantic, and having it happen. Am I wrong?

Yes, you should be more specific. Pre-planning sex does not add pressure because you will not attempt to have sex if she says she's not ready. That should be your No. 1 rule. You are talking as though she's already given you the go-ahead for this trip you've got planned. I think you need to make your intentions perfectly clear BEFORE you go on this trip. It is a terrible idea to get her worked up and THEN ask her a very serious question like, "Are you ready now?" That just looks and feels sneaky and conniving. Let her make the decision with a clear head, or she may resent you for it otherwise.

Young, inexperienced women are very impressionable, especially in regards to sex. It is very likely that if you seduced her and surprised her with the offer of sex that she'll go along with it just to make you happy, and you don't want that for either of you.

[Love4Everyone21]

This sounds almost exactly similar to me and my boyfriend! I lost my virginity at 20 to my boyfriend so I was in the position your girlfriend in. We both went away for the weekend too, to enjoy each other company and maybe to have sex. He made it clear to me he didn't want me to feel pressured to have sex on that weekend. What we did was enjoy a lovely day out then at night my boyfriend started kissing me. Oral sex is the best before as it will make it hurt less when you go in. First time don't expect her to be moaning in pleasure or to be confident! She properly knows already sex will properly happen! Just let it happen naturally. She would not go away with you if she didn't want something to happen.

I'm thinking a lot like you are on this one at the moment. And I didn't mention that, when she was deciding on whether to go on this trip with me (she took like 4 days to decide) I actually asked her "Is it because we are going to share a room and it's a little soon?" She responded "yes" at the time, then the next day I asked her and she said she wanted to go. Now she's really excited...

That's why I think you might be right that if she knows were going to be spending the weekend together, she also knows sex is likely. It seems like she may be prepared, but I'd hate to ask - talk about awkward.

And I have a question for you. You said your boyfriend kind of pressured you. Did you not like that? And how did he pressure you? That's the last thing I want for her, I just want to "make it happen" so to speak.

Also, when I refer to oral sex, I don't mean right before penetration. I mean a like a week in advance. We haven't even been completely naked with each other, only tops off. I'm trying to ease her into sexuality, I can tell she wants it but I also know she is shy about it. I had to pretty much convince her to take her bra off the first time (not pressure though, I did it tactfully), but in the end it definitely seemed like the right thing to do and she liked it. Again, she needs guidance in the sex department.

Sorry for the long post, thx for the comments....

[lahnnabell]

It seems like she may be prepared, but I'd hate to ask - talk about awkward.

If it's awkward for you to ask these questions, you shouldn't be having sex.

And yes, you should get her warmed up with oral sex before penetration. Always, always yes to foreplay.

[Kagerou]

Why are you so persistent on getting into her pants asap? You say it's awkward to talk about (it shouldn't be, if it is you're doing something wrong), but you don't think it's awkward to rush into this?

[Love4Everyone21]

Yes, you should be more specific. Pre-planning sex does not add pressure because you will not attempt to have sex if she says she's not ready. That should be your No. 1 rule. You are talking as though she's already given you the go-ahead for this trip you've got planned. I think you need to make your intentions perfectly clear BEFORE you go on this trip. It is a terrible idea to get her worked up and THEN ask her a very serious question like, "Are you ready now?" That just looks and feels sneaky and conniving. Let her make the decision with a clear head, or she may resent you for it otherwise.

Young, inexperienced women are very impressionable, especially in regards to sex. It is very likely that if you seduced her and surprised her with the offer of sex that she'll go along with it just to make you happy, and you don't want that for either of you.

OK, so is talking to her about it 4 days in advance good? I'd say something like, "What do you think about having sex on the trip. I thought I should ask you before that night."

I'm not "expecting" sex, if it doesn't happen it doesn't. I just think it would make for a perfect trip and a step forward in our relationship. And, personally, I feel like a month is enough. She's not 16, she's a women and I really think she wants me to treat her as such.

[Love4Everyone21]

Why in gods name are you so persistent on getting into her pants? You say it's awkward (it shouldn't be, if it is you're doing something wrong), but you don't think it's awkward to rush into this?

Hmmmm.. 1. Im a man (dont take offense ladies). 2. I'm not really trying to be persistent, like I said it seems like the opportune time... It isn't just any given Saturday night.

[Kagerou]

I'm a guy too, I don't think about leaping into a virgin's panties after just 4 weeks.

[lahnnabell]

Yes, that is fine. Whatever her decision is, respect that and don't push it.

And for the record, DO NOT ever use the excuse "I'm a man". You make it sound like it's out of character for a woman to think about sex because it's a "man thing". Your attitude towards this whole thing leaves me with the feeling that you are very emotionally immature.