Sex with a Virgin

[girl68]

You must talk to her about it. Saying she's willing to have sex could mean "yeah, when I"m married" or "yeah, after I've fallen in love with you" (both of these situations are long past 1 month).

Sex for a virgin usually takes a helluva lot longer than 1 month. I waited TWELVE months before I gave it up. Guess what warmed me up to it. 12 months of progressive foreplay. First it was just kisisng, then making out and groping, then hand jobs, then blow jobs then several failed attempts at sex. It was the furthest things from glory. If you're expecting to have this hugely romantic evening you should throw that right out the window. She will be scared, nervous and chances are pain or discomort- sound romantic? Not to me man. Either way it won't be as glorious as you seem to think it will.

You need to talk about what she thinks is about right- when she might be ready. Be more specific and realize that 1 month is NOTHING in terms of 'waiting'. (For a virgin at a young age). One thing she could be scared of does she realize that her feelings might intensify a lot when she gets intimate with you? They might... big time. Are YOU prepared to deal with a girl who might become severly more attached?

My suggestion: carry on with foreplay for many more months get sex off the table and put on heavy petting and other foreplay.

[adam95]

yeah never use that excuse!
my girl was a virgin too and I was her first. we took it slow. it was probably about a 2 months before we got to tops off. but it was purely her decision, i never even asked if she wanted to do it. (well it might be a little different in my case cuz she was sexually harassed before we got together and i didnt want to make her uncomfortable)
a month after that we were going to travel for the holidays but our plane got cancelled and the airlines gave us a hotel for the night. it was like an unplanned romantic night. we were just fooling around when she just told me that this moment was perfect and that she was ready and we did it right then. i was reluctant considering her past and the fact that it was my 1st time too but we actually had a pretty good time.

and yeah i get ur point when you say you dont want to plan it. and i think she has an idea this is going to happen but just to be on the safe side, you should ask her. it shouldnt be awkward anymore. im sure she'll appreciate that you care about her.
oh and if you do end up having sex do not skip the foreplay, it'll ease her into it.

[lahnnabell]

Another note, it's not spontaneous anyway 'cause you're already planning the night. You're just planning it without her consent in this case.

[adam95]

yeah you got a point there. its already planned

[Love4Everyone21]

Thx for the advice. Good as usual! If anyone has anything else, keep it coming.

[Junket]

We dated for over a year before we had intercourse, and we were both virgins.

Well as virgin as you can be after oral, hand jobs, and titty f*cks.

[sexymama22]

Why are you trying to have sex with her after only a month. It's too soon and she's not ready.

[Love4Everyone21]

Why are you trying to have sex with her after only a month. It's too soon and she's not ready.

I'll know if she's ready or not, that's not my question.........

[Kagerou]

It's a perfectly good question, 1 month is way too soon. It makes us guys look like sex obsessed freaks, it seems like all you have thought about the last 4 weeks is how you're going to weasel your way into her pants.

[hello1]

And I have a question for you. You said your boyfriend kind of pressured you. Did you not like that? And how did he pressure you? That's the last thing I want for her, I just want to "make it happen" so to speak.

Also, when I refer to oral sex, I don't mean right before penetration. I mean a like a week in advance. We haven't even been completely naked with each other, only tops off. I'm trying to ease her into sexuality, I can tell she wants it but I also know she is shy about it. I had to pretty much convince her to take her bra off the first time (not pressure though, I did it tactfully), but in the end it definitely seemed like the right thing to do and she liked it. Again, she needs guidance in the sex department.

Sorry for the long post, thx for the comments....

Yes it is best to start having oral sex, you need to build up the bases and make her feel more confident. My boyfriend did not pressure me but yes the weekend away did feel like pressure but he said to me several times before we went that he just wanted to spend time with me and if sex didn't happen then it didn't happen. To be honest the first time is so scary, even more so when you waited for that right person. I think it's very likely she will lose it on this trip away but I wouldn't bring it up when you are there, again feels like pressure and may scare her off.

Also I lost my virginity a month after being together. It's different for everybody.

[Love4Everyone21]

Yes it is best to start having oral sex, you need to build up the bases and make her feel more confident. My boyfriend did not pressure me but yes the weekend away did feel like pressure but he said to me several times before we went that he just wanted to spend time with me and if sex didn't happen then it didn't happen. To be honest the first time is so scary, even more so when you waited for that right person. I think it's very likely she will lose it on this trip away but I wouldn't bring it up when you are there, again feels like pressure and may scare her off.

Also I lost my virginity a month after being together. It's different for everybody.

First, thanks for stating that you lost it after a month. There are a lot of haters who think I'm some sort of jerk for trying sex with her after a month.

It's nice to have a girl's opinion, and I'm not sure but you seem somewhat young too so you can probably relate better.

What are your thoughts on bringing up sex a few days before the trip? Should I, and if so what's the best way to go about it? Thanks!

[Junket]

I really believe if a person can't talk about sex, they're emotionally immature, and shouldn't be having it.

It leaves both parties to just assume the other knows what they're thinking.

Then add a virgin to the mix, who probably doesn't even know what to think and you've just spelled a recipe for disaster.

What's her opinion on oral, intercourse, anal, contraception, love, marriage, pregnancy?

Does she know what your views are on all of these?

[Love4Everyone21]

I really believe if a person can't talk about sex, they're emotionally immature, and shouldn't be having it.

It leaves both parties to just assume the other knows what they're thinking.

Then add a virgin to the mix, who probably doesn't even know what to think and you've just spelled a recipe for disaster.

What's her opinion on oral, intercourse, anal, contraception, love, marriage, pregnancy?

Does she know what your views are on all of these?

We could talk about sex today if I thought it was the right thing to do. It's not that we CANT its just that I'm not totally sure it's the right thing to do before it actually happens. However, from what I've gathered for you guys and other sites, I will probably do so a few days in advance of this trip.

We've been going out for a month. Those things you mentioned will come with time. I'm not going to set her up for oral, that will be something that just happens. Anal, I can wait months for that. The others, those come with time. I'm not sure why she needs to know my views on those things at this point.

[lahnnabell]

We could talk about sex today if I thought it was the right thing to do. It's not that we CANT its just that I'm not totally sure it's the right thing to do before it actually happens. However, from what I've gathered for you guys and other sites, I will probably do so a few days in advance of this trip.

We've been going out for a month. Those things you mentioned will come with time. I'm not going to set her up for oral, that will be something that just happens. Anal, I can wait months for that. The others, those come with time. I'm not sure why she needs to know my views on those things at this point.

Why wouldn't it be the right thing to do? You are risking a lot by having sex so soon. This is why people view sexual education as VITAL. There are teenagers and young people who get pregnant or catch something serious and screw up their futures and the future of their children by not taking care early enough. I've had friends get pregnant while in high school and I have a few friends battling HIV right now, all of whom did not take proper precautions before getting into it. They ALL thought, "Nothing will ever happen". But shit does happen and you have to be prepared for anything. This includes talking. What if she ever got pregnant? What would you want to do about it? What are her views on it? Wouldn't you want to know early on so you can decide if having sex with her is right thing for both of you?

I began having sex at 15 and, to be honest, I wish I'd waited. I'm happy to say that the day I got my period (11 years old) my mother saw fit to sit me down and have a huge conversation about sex. So, I knew what condoms were, I knew about birth control, and how they both worked. I learned about STDs from her and also in my school's health courses. This still doesn't mean that I was ready emotionally or mentally. I realized that after I went through with it (my boyfriend at the time was a virgin as well), that I should have waited. I waited a whole other 2 years before I had sex again.

[Kayla]

You are getting great advice here. I COMPLETELY agree that if you cant talk about it without being awkward or unsure then you should not be doing it.

She is 21 years old and I get the impression that she is not naive and stupid.. so I am assuming that accepting the offer of a weekend a way means she at least understands that the subject of sex may come up. Esp considering she knows you are not a virgin and you have asked her about sex before. So if you bring it up to her, I am almost certain she will not be at all surprised or offended and will be ready to talk about it with you. But YES- talk about it before you leave.. no doubt about that!!

I think a month may be too soon for a virgin but as it has been said we are all different.. I also think that the fact you have put so much thought into this shows that you really do care about her. If all you wanted was sex, I am sure there are plenty of other willing non-virgins out there you could be going after.. but you are not. I believe you really care about this girl.. so heres a question for you- what is she wants to wait longer? Maybe a year or more? What would you do then? Think about that honestly..