Should I get back with my ex-gf?

[sucka4love]

i was very hesitant to ask, but i am in need of some good advice. sorry for the lengthy post, but there is some stuff you should know first.

i met my ex-gf late 07 and we really hit it off. we had only known each other for 6 months before i got her pregnant. of course this is the "honeymoon" stage where everything seemed perfect. after this, it all went downhill from there.

the main reason was because i didn't feel i was ready to get married, but i did state numerous times that i still wanted to stay together and get married when we're both ready. this didn't sit well with her and we have argued about it many times. through all that, we managed to stay together until about 2 months ago when she broke up with me. she said she couldn't take it anymore, hated not being married and not having a ring on her finger.

there were a lot of warning signs about her just from what i've experienced and some of my friends warning me about her. the biggest problem was her short temper. she had difficulty controlling it and would get flustered/panic easily over small things, was impatient at times, etc.

recent example: i was over her place to see our child. ex had asked me for a picture frame from the dresser. there were 3 different picture frames and she didn't specify which one, so i just grabbed the closest one to me. then out of nowhere, she just flipped and said "why would u give me that one". so i fired back and told her that she never specified which one. later she apologized, but this is the type of behavior i experienced while we were together. it got better over time as i constantly tried to remind her that there's no reason for her to "blow up" over little, meaningless things but it was constant pressure on me and i felt like i was walking on egg shells. i overlooked this during the first 6 months i knew her because i thought it would go away.

because of constant exposure to this behavior, i was unhappy, questioning whether or not i wanted to be with her and started thinking that i could meet someone much better (selfish i know, especially when we had a child together). i started to push her away emotionally and we started growing a bit distant. i realize that this action probably contributed to her own unhappiness and her becoming bitter/angry with me.

anyway, when she broke it off w/ me, she was very upset and sad that we weren't going to be together but also felt relieved that she could move on. i told her that this time apart might be good for us and she agreed. the arrangement thus far is i come over to my ex's place for dinner twice a week to see our child and get my child every weekend. we're being friendly and still talk to one another.

in the beginning, i honestly thought that i would get over this quickly and move on w/ my life. the problem is that i cannot stop thinking about my ex and have a strong desire to get back with her. crazy me right? the heart wants me to, but the mind is sitting on the fence about it. i'm unhappy, don't like the fact that we're apart and that my child has to be "shared" between us. those twice a weeks that i visit, i can almost tell that she's unhappy that i'm not around, but also happy that we're not fighting/arguing.

ii know that ii would definitely have to propose to her to get back with her. i keep thinking about it, trying to analyze the situation, thinking about what would be different this time around, etc. i almost feel that i'm being foolish for wanting her back.

any advice?

[IndiReloaded]

You need to decide if you are going to marry her or not. If not, stop acting like you are married.

If you do want to get married then I would suggest she get some counselling for her anger control issues. A few months of that, see what happens and then if it looks like progress is being made get married. But its not fair for you to string her along as a GF without commitment, especially since you have a child together.

As for finding someone better, watch out. You are sadly mistaken if you think other women won't judge you based on the fact you won't marry the mother of your child.

[Sonrisa]

how do you feel about your child? how old are you?

[sucka4love]

i'm in my mid 20's and i love my child very much which is why i spend so much time with her.

this time apart has been good as it's given me time to reflect on things and try to get my feelings in order without the constant arguing and unhappiness.

we tried counseling once or twice, but she didn't want to go back afterwards and began blaming me for her problems saying that she is acting this way because of me. on numerous different occasions though, she has said that she has a temper problem and needs to fix it. being realistic, i know this isn't something that will change over night and will take a long time to fix. it's just a part of who she is and is a direct result of how she grew up (unhappy child hood, passed around different relatives, un-supportive parents, etc).

i guess i'm at that stage where i keep thinking about her and imagining how different things would be if we got back together...or how quickly it would continue downhill. it's just a lot more difficult because our child is in the middle of all this.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, she does sound like she has issues. Its a hard call. If you didn't have a child, I would say just break up.

Do you think you two can manage a relationship together w/o too much strife? If it will be constant arguing, then it is probably best for everyone if you just focus on being a father to your child and end the relationship with the mother. But, sadly, I think your partner will only take out her issues on your child as she gets older. THAT sucks and might be worth sucking up a bit of craziness for if you think you can keep it under control.

This is why I suggested you insist on several months of counselling before getting married. Let her know that a family is an option but that her upbringing needs addressing by a professional. It will help her parenting as well as her marriage. You will also learn different ways to cope with someone like her, which it sounds like is somewhat outside of your experience. Its all good personal growth.

If she refuses, she will just bring this baggage into her next relationship anyway. Plus the effects on your child.

And no, I'm not a psych medico or a counsellor. In fact, I think its mostly bunk for those who are self-motivated enough to want change. But it could be helpful for getting your family back on track. Good luck.