Whats the right course of action? please help...

[lf99999]

Dear forum
I have a problem.
I am a happily married man. I m 33 years old. I have feelings for a coworker who is also happily married. She is 30. Few months ago she joined the office. She started talking to me and would occasionally come to my room in the lunch break and talk. Many workers here don’t do the lunch at the break time and eat late.
So the conversations were started by her. She is a very nice and cultured person but also Diplomatic. Later on I would also go to her room and talk to her.
I also sent her a few e-cards. They were always received by her but we never had any conversations about them. I also occasionally send emails to her but later when we meet there is no conversation about them either. Somehow whatever I sent thru email to her is never discussed when we meet in person. She never replies to my emails. She never sent any e-card to me.
I started to develop feelings for her. Recently we went out for lunch. I offered for the lunch which she accepted. I am cent percent sure that she does not have those kinds of feelings for me. But she is totally aware that I have feelings for her. She doesn’t mind me light flirting with her. There is absolutely nothing physical between us. Surprisingly I have observed that she sometimes touches other male employees but I am the one whom she has never touched at all. I once hugged her but it was me who asked for it.
I also suggested that we should go out occasionally for lunches etc and she said sure. Sometimes I ask her to call me before she is leaving the office so I can walk with her to the bus stop. She always does so.
Now I know that I should not have these feelings and I am working on it. But the thing is this: I don’t want to loose her as a friend. Past week she didn’t show up at my room at all even though she said she would. Also that she is not picking up her phone while I call her a couple of times while we both were in the office. Previously I had called her a couple of times and she would always pick up the phone. Now she says her that her phone is usually off.
She only works for two days for a few hours while I m in the office all day long. In the lunch break I really do want to see her. Should I just go to her room and talk? She never minds it but I don’t know what the right course of action is? What if she never comes to my room again and it’s only me going to her room or approaching her all the time. Do these things really matter? Or I am being egoistic?
When to decide that I should go and talk to her and when to say no it’s not the right time or day? If from now onwards I am the one who will be going to her room and talking to her …then how to forget the fact that once she was the one who would come to my room and talk to me? I really don’t know what to do but I know there is always a right course of action. I am not a religious person but there must be something which can console me right now.
I am not a very social person. Very selective in choosing people to whom I talk.
My fear is that I would end up sitting in my room and the things will become what they used to be before she came. Meaning I am sitting alone reading a book or something in my room at the break time. When I’m sitting in my room my heart aches and I have this uncontrollable desire to go to her room and see her and talk to her. She absolutely never minds me going to her room and talk to her. But again should I be doing it all two days when she is in the office?
There are a couple of other male employees who talk to her. I know them but there is a sense of competition among all of us I guess. So an employee spent one hour talking to her in her room sometime back. So when I am sitting alone in my room and when I think someone else might be talking to her I become more upset and just want to go to her room and see what’s going on.
I am having this heartache… I don’t know what’s the right course of action is. What should I do? Please sincere advices only. I shall be highly thankful to you.

[IncognitoSir]

As of right now you're having an emotional affair with this one and you're about 1 step away from having a full blown affair with her. Seems she has a few more morals than you do. You say you're happily married yet you're intrested in another woman. That's called a contridiction. Do your self a favor and find another friend.......whos not married and you wont cheat on your WIFE with.

[lf99999]

but how could I just be friend with her? is there a way for it or I should avoid her completely? would that make sense?

[IncognitoSir]

Yeah avoid her her completly. She's married and so are you. Thats all the reason you need.

[IndiReloaded]

There are several married/LT posters on this site. But I think you need to do some reading first and realize what you are doing. Read this site and then post your question:

[url=http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8501_fft.html]What is an Affair?[/url]

[VincenzoG91]

but how could I just be friend with her? is there a way for it or I should avoid her completely? would that make sense?

You and your wife might be able to be friends with this woman and her husband, as couples, though it doesn't seem like either of you are really interested in just friendship. The right thing to do is to either improve your marriage or end it. Once your marriage is over, you can date whoever, though dating a married co-worker is still a bad idea.

[xxazurexx]

but how could I just be friend with her? is there a way for it or I should avoid her completely? would that make sense?

Sorry but I just find it hard to believe that anybody can be this naive and ask, 'Should they avoid a married person they have feelings for' and ask if it makes sense to avoid them.

Uhm...well YEAH, DUH!!