Does he want more?

[MissKali]

(also posted in the Ask A Male section, however wanted to try this section as well, thanks)


I've been seeing this guy for almost 8 weeks. We see each other at least once if not twice a week. Usually we watch dvd's, play Wii etc and it's all very comfortable. Originally, we started seeing each other, then he panicked a bit and said he 'didn't want to mess me around' and tried to let it go and just wanted to be friends. Then we discussed the idea of no strings/casual fun as he wasn't sure what he could offer at that point which we decided to try.

I usually go over to his place as he lives alone whereas I live with a flatmate. He cooks dinner for me as I do for him and we are comfortable with each other - he's even made me an entire cheesecake because I liked the first one he made! He moves his car to allow me a place to park when I come over, leaves a towel for me etc as I usually stay. He makes a real effort
and it's nice. He's paid me some nice compliments etc about songs that make him think of me and how attractive he finds me but he seems to get nervous around me in bed. I am not sure why he gets nervous - why would it matter if it was supposedly a no strings thing. I do my best to reassure him and compliment/acknowledge things he does etc both in and out of the bedroom.

The thing is, even though we talked about no strings/casual, from my observation there seems to be more there than he is letting on. He asks my opinion on things and the connection we have seems deeper than if it was just a no strings thing. We are going out for our first dinner and a movie tomorrow night. No strings usually means sex and that's it right...?

Am I reading it wrong? Is there a possibility he wants more and is not ready to vocalise or is he just being decent? I don't want to come right out and ask as I know that can be the kiss of death for a guy.

Any advice would be appreciated!

[nerdy_guy]

Maybe he really likes you a lot but is afraid that he doesn't know how to handle a relationship. And if it turns sour, he might end up losing everything.

[xxazurexx]

When people mention 'no strings' and 'casual' ....what they mean is, is that they are not looking for a relationship, but they'd like the benefits that a relationship will bring....ie: sex.

If you want this guy to take you seriously and are looking for rmore from him, the last thing you need to be doing is to be offering yourself up on a plate and for 'no strings' sex. Ever heard the saying, 'Why buy the cow, if you get the milk for free'?

If he doesn't want a relationship, having sex with him wont change his mind. If he lets you go and because you didn't put out...then you meant shit to him and are best off without him anyway.

[MissKali]

I know what you're saying and I agree to a point. We are not just having sex but are doing other things as well. When we do have sex, it is quite intimate and sensual, not just wham bam thank you mam. He cooks for me and when I stay over he makes me breakfast too. There are times when we haven't had sex but I have still stayed over.

I guess my thinking is that if it was purely no strings, wouldn't I come over for sex and then leave? Or am I being naive?

[nerdy_guy]

If he doesn't want a relationship, having sex with him wont change his mind. If he lets you go and because you didn't put out...then you meant shit to him and are best off without him anyway.

Well, MissKali did say that they are getting emotionally closer to each other. What do you think azure?

[xxazurexx]

I know what you're saying and I agree to a point. We are not just having sex but are doing other things as well. When we do have sex, it is quite intimate and sensual, not just wham bam thank you mam. He cooks for me and when I stay over he makes me breakfast too. There are times when we haven't had sex but I have still stayed over.

I guess my thinking is that if it was purely no strings, wouldn't I come over for sex and then leave? Or am I being naive?

It's an odd situation and I've never been in this kind of situation before.

The only time I was caught up in an FWB situation was with an ex and that is all it was, sex.

But here we have this guy you are having sex with, who invites you around, you hang out, watch dvds, he makes you breakfast, etc, etc....so it's more than FWB, but it's still not an exclusive relationship.

I'm unsure what to think of it to be honest, lol.... Maybe he just needs more time and to come around to the idea of an exclusive relationship.

Has he been hurt in the past do you know?

[nerdy_guy]

Would it be too much if you asked him for exclusivity? That is not something that would make you faint right?

[MissKali]

@azure I get the feeling he has been hurt in the past in his ability to not take compliments well and when I mentioned it, he said he'd been given shit for years. I am not sure whether he meant in a relationship(s) or family but I didn't push it. It's kinda confusing.

@nerdy guy I have learned enough about male behaviour to know not to push a guy for that sort of thing too quick. We've only been seeing each other for a couple of months so I dont want to push that too quickly.

I guess I am trying to get perspective. I mean do guys mention songs that make them think of the girl they are with if they aren't interested in pursuing anything? We even sang 'Kiss from a Rose' together when it came on his iPod and then he made us get up and do it on SingStar haha!

[xxazurexx]

@nerdy guy I have learned enough about male behaviour to know not to push a guy for that sort of thing too quick. We've only been seeing each other for a couple of months so I dont want to push that too quickly.

Yeah exactly...don't push him. We don't have to push men who want to be with us and trying to push a guy into something he isn't ready for, will cause him to back off. Not just guys, women back off too and if a guy will push for more and she isn't ready. This stuff happens all the time...

Because you have only known him 2 months, I'd give him more time. Like say, another couple of months.

[MissKali]

Yes that was my thinking too. At least a couple of months

[IncognitoSir]

Sounds like he's not the top for "no strings" attached. I think he's having trouble containing himself while with you because he does like you but he can't figure out how to move forward.......for whatever reason.

[nerdy_guy]

@nerdy guy I have learned enough about male behaviour to know not to push a guy for that sort of thing too quick. We've only been seeing each other for a couple of months so I dont want to push that too quickly.

There are two kinds of asking. I believe the one your thinking would be more in line of "I think we should be exclusive. What do you think?" That, results in pushing. Rephrasing it a bit would sound less pushy like "Would it be too much for you right now if I wished for exclusivity?"