i'm posting in the broken hearts forum cos i should be a lot more upset that i am.

[kitkitkitty]

well..... after my past thread and posts about my bf feeling like we're becoming best mates. well we 'broke up' on tuesday. i mean, ive done my fair share of crying and so has he and i do feel hurt. but we really are still best mates yknow not just saying we will be then never talking again. ive tried to accept things as they've come and not questioned it as much as i normally would to make it easier on both of us, and ive become a pro at doing it cos of past experiences. i know he's not leaving me in that sense and we're still gona see each other, im staying at his in a coupla weeks cos my 'rents are on holiday and its his 18th. i know everyone deals with things differently but..idk i feel like ive almost been too mature and understanding and i know i haven't let everything out. we've talked about it a lot and we're seeing each other today/ tomo and he wants me to open up. but ive got into the pattern of opening up but not letting all the more irrational thoughts and feelings out. im strangely comfortable with this situation. of course i wish we were still dating as such and il miss the physical side and huge amount of love. which is another thing. cos ive been accepting things so quickly i havent been thinking 'yeah i still love him so much' cos i know he doesnt feel the same and im gona need to get used to it. im not looking for answers, just guidance so i can make decisions myself. im scared of feeling awful which is probably another reason im not being as emotional as i could be. yeah uh.... help and thanks in advance.

[lahnnabell]

Staying friends with someone you're in love with always backfires. I suggest you go No Contact pronto, otherwise you will be back here when you find out about some new girl he's dating or sleeping with.

[kitkitkitty]

well we're both going to uni and he said the whole time that he didn't want a relationship at uni and he'll have to wait a hell of a long time before he sleeps with anyone again. i know i should stop contact but i see so many more bad outcomes between us if it happens. i also think that if we just stopped talking it would be weird since he wanted us to be best mates and not gf/bf if that makes sense. is it wrong to think like that? after 20 months its still really quite numb even after 2 weeks of us talking about this.

[lahnnabell]

well we're both going to uni and he said the whole time that he didn't want a relationship at uni and he'll have to wait a hell of a long time before he sleeps with anyone again. i know i should stop contact but i see so many more bad outcomes between us if it happens. i also think that if we just stopped talking it would be weird since he wanted us to be best mates and not gf/bf if that makes sense. is it wrong to think like that? after 20 months its still really quite numb even after 2 weeks of us talking about this.

Everyone always says, "Oh, it's gonna be a long time before I will want to see anyone else..." It never pans out like that. It's wishful thinking.

He wants you to be best friends, huh? Why does he get to dictate how this goes? Are you that starved for his attention that you will disrespect yourself like this?

[kitkitkitty]

i think it's just the huge change. and i didn't see it that way. but thanks and i think ive got a lot more thinking to do now, again.

[lahnnabell]

Best thing you can do in this situation is be brutally honest with yourself. You're staying "friends" in the hopes that it will lure him back to you. You're hoping he'll remember the good times and fall back in love with you in the way that he was before. I know because I've been there. It never goes back to the way it was. I'm sorry.