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Thread: What is my next step??? advice is desperately needed.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    What is my next step??? advice is desperately needed.

    quick background: *please keep in mind when reading this that I love this woman and still want her more than anything...
    My ex and I were together for 2 years and knew each other for another 2 years before that. It was the type of connection you hope to have with someone. The relationship became somewhat long distance(hr and a half) due to work constraints and it certainly had an effect because we were limited in the time we could spend together. Ultimately we broke up over lack of physically seeing each other and the arguments that ensued from it(this was 2 months ago). Every day since then I wake up with a pain in my chest-she is the first thing i think of when I wake up and the last thing when i go to bed. A week after she texted me that she missed me and whatnot-to which i replied that i think we made a mistake. Nonetheless, we stayed apart and I did a month of no contact until she sent me a text saying she missed me and loved me, etc. You all know how hard it is to go from talking every day to suddenly stopping. Well, it really affected each of us and we agreed(although reluctantly) to see each other with the promise that we wouldnt try to jump back into things. Within the first few minutes it was like we hadnt skipped a beat. Maybe one of the best days we have ever had. Withholding some details, I spent the night at her place. The next morning we agreed to do it again soon( i was trying to take it slow and, again, not jump into things). So about a week later we meet and have another fantastic day. The days that followed were great with texts, calls, all that good stuff. Suddenly, she calls one night and says that she thinks we are moving too fast and that she needs to focus on getting into med school so she didnt want to do this. It was a complete 180 from where we were going.That was a few days ago and we havent talked since then.
    It is difficult for us because we are still an hr away from each other and work full time. Also, we are both beginning grad school soon so time will be even more strained. However, in the next month I am moving down to about 20 minutes from her(both in NYC) because I got a promotion. Yesterday she sent me an email saying "she still cares for me and she doesnt want to rush because she still isnt sure about us being the best for each other", she "thinks we should take a break from each other to figure things out", and she "wants to put her effort into getting into school". Obviously its frustrating because we already have taken a break from each other and look how that turned out...we missed each other more than ever. Im a firm believer that if you love someone you make it work. All the success in the world is meaningless if you dont have someone to share it with. People balance work, school and a relationship everyday.
    She cant seem to make up her mind with things between us. She still cares, thinks about me all the time, sleeps in my shirt still... and i miss her just as much.

    So, what should I do? I decided to now go no contact again with the hope that it makes her miss me. Trust me I hate playing games and stuff but I dont know what to do. Should I keep trying to make it work? Do I wait until im down by her to try again? Do I lay it all on the line? Please tell me what to say, do, anything to get my relationship back on track again. What is my best plan of action???

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
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    well, did she really say she wants to take a break? if so, then it won't be right to constantly contact her. did you tell her that you'll be moving closer to her in a month?
    i think you should just give her a little space until you get there. im sure a month is long enough for her 'break'. when you do meet up after you move there, tell her what you mentioned here, about the balance between studies and a relationship. tell her your willing to try out different things to see what suits her academic life more but you dont want to let her go cause of how much you love her. you get what i mean.
    hope i helped you out.
    Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to become lost again.

  3. #3
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    There really isn't much advice to be given in any situation like this because truthfully, whatever decisions made should be done via you and this woman and I doubt it'll make you feel any better which is the down side to this unfortunately my friend.
    However, evidently without doubt you both clearly cherish each other and love one another to a considerable amount, enough to relish those special moments, how ever minimal they are. My only advice is that, if you both are serious about the relationship (and I mean very serious) but you are both serious on attending grad schools and so on, perhaps taking a prolonged break? Still stay in touch and meet on often occassions of course but as she rightly says, don't rush things.

    I think maybe with having that period of time where there was no contact physically or verbally and then suddenly going straight back into some form of romance during those days/ weeks made you two lose control on the whole situation making her question it; either it's suitable, bla bla bla.
    I really hope it works out if you guys feel that the relationship can be somewhat wholesome and maybe picking up the where you left off during breaks through grad school and then fully once that has finished. I know it's a long time to wait but if you both love each other, waiting won't seem as long as the time you'll spend together afterwards.

    Take this with a pint of salt and best of luck.

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