She needs to find herself.

[tchoi011194]

Hi, I'm in High School. I'm 16 now, so is she.
We started going out when we were 15.
It's been 9 months, and we had issues, but only for about a month and a half .
We were ridiculously happy for the first 5.
I did smother her time to time, I nagged about things she didn't do, because I was worried and it was self-detrimental to her.
I insulted her parents to her face when she was really mad at them, because i was mad that they hurt her.
During a certain period of about a month, I was in a terrible wreck. School work was terrible, house troubles, everything was terrible, and I was going nuts. She said I would get anger tantrums over anything that didn't go my way.

Summer came, and all the stress was gone. We worked it out, and she was overjoyed to see me okay again.
She loved that I was back, and that things were normal again.

One day, she went on a 3 day vacation, and when she got back, she was different.
She would say that, she wants to fix herself, she wants to become somebody else,
she said she needs to change, a change in her life.

A few days later, she told me,
"We are not going to work"
The words stabbed my heart completely.
Please consider, I have only told you the bad times, but
It was mostly good times. We'd sing together, she LOVES my singing. She still does.
We'd talk about anything, we'd share everything, she told me everything that went on in her life
We kissed, and when we were alone, she told me that nothing else felt like it mattered, and that we'd love each other forever.
She was so sure she loved me, then
after a few days after that vacation, she said. "We are not going to work"
She took the vacation and the time to think about things, and she said this was one of her decisions.

She said she can't have a boyfriend rightn ow, because she doesn't have the energy to, and she can't handle one and she doesn't need one right now. She said she needs to FIND HERSELF.
She told me, she has a sliver of hope for us. She said she went into thi srelationship not really knowing who she was, and said she'd like to know now.

She wants me to be her close friend, and at first i didn't believe it, and didn't contacther because she wanted to be alone.
But I later I told her i will be here for her as her best friend, and she almost cried in joy.

Please ask more questions, and I will elaborate.
But Please, when she finds herself, wil lshe come back? I have no idea what to think of this situation, and I really need help.

She knows I've been here for her all the time.
She knows she loved me.
She said the feeling isn't the same anymore.

Please somebody, help me figure this out, and what I can do .
thank you.

P.S. We are both Asian, I have the better grades, we have similar interests, we never ever fought except for once or twice,
She's really really really nice, she never lies, and she loves to have fun.

^ Please, don't doubt what I said, please give me advice , considering the things above are facts.
Please tell me possibilities and wha tI an do.
PLEASE HELP ME!!!

[tchoi011194]

Also, our SATs are coming up. Her grades suffered the past year cause of her teachers, and her house is stressful. : /

[Bella82]

It sounds like she cares for you very much. But from what you've said, the clear message I get is that she needs space from the relationship right now, which is why she asked to be only her "friend" during this time. Considering how much she knows you care for her, it's not right of her to ask you to stick by her to simply as friends while she figures herself out. It's not easy to flip a switch and then all of the sudden you only care for them as a friend.

In your heart, do you think that it would be easier for you to be only her friend through all of this, or would it be easier to take a break from talking to her for a while, so that she can focus on herself? If you opt to be just her friend, you need to think about what may happen, and you need to be Ok with the fact that you may remain as just a "friend" forever. If you are ok with that, stick by her. If not, find out what it would be like to take some space for a while.

[tchoi011194]

Could you tell me what you think about this situation?
The main part of why she didn't like the relationship, was because
I focused a lot on her work and my work...
There was a time where she couldn't deal with everytihng herself, and i helped her a lot. a bit too much.
No cheating involved, i just spent nights and nights working to make things easier for her.
I nagged a lot, and wanted to make sure she was doing well... because she even said she was having so much trouble with it...
A big mistake i made, was thinking my work would show my appreciation for her...
I didn't do anything flamboyantly romantic, and waited to give her my monthly anniversary cards... because i wanted to make the cover perfect. (it's an inside thing)
I did write them honestly on the days they were for her though.

Saturday, we met and we were fine, she was very happy, and then i gave her my anniversary cards i owed her.
She gasped, and then i gave her the early birthday card i shuld have given her much earlier.
I also gave her a goodbye card, where i drew her and me, and sasys "at least keep us together in your memories <3 goodbye"
i drew half a page of inside things only she and I wuld understand...

And a honest goodbye note, to just ask her to simply only remember the good times, and not the bad times.

She LOOKED like she was about to tear up... but
her mom came to pick her up and she had to leave.

2 days later, we met again, and she got really awkward...
she avoided talking to me, she seemed upset around me...

Did the cards make her mad? I really don't want to lose her as a friend...
I care about her a lot... Please, what do you think?

[tchoi011194]

I don't think I showed my love and appreciation enough... some of it was out of my hands... but I didn't...