Do men want to be "friends" with women?

[IndiReloaded]

To the OP, don't listen to any of the stereotypes or generalisations. There are plenty of guys who are happy to be friends with a girl that they are not attracted to and never will be. Not everything in this world revolves around people's genitals.

Why shouldn't she? Surely those with personal experience have opinions that are just as valid as yours? If you can have female friends and not feel attraction to them, perhaps you are an exception Mish?

Or, perhaps you are now speaking from a different POV than, say, 10 years ago? You ran around quite a bit, I understand. Some of those 'friends' were more than, weren't they?

I do think its important to define 'friends' tho. I think there's a big difference b/t hanging out with someone and a friend of this type:

A real friend isn't much different than a GF or wife. They are someone you trust, you enjoy their company, and you would do anything for them.

Any male friend that fits the above criteria, I would definitely be attracted to. How many female friends do you feel this^ for, Mish?

[qwertz]

Nope, simples.

[Mish]

Why shouldn't she? Surely those with personal experience have opinions that are just as valid as yours? If you can have female friends and not feel attraction to them, perhaps you are an exception Mish?

Or, perhaps you are now speaking from a different POV than, say, 10 years ago? You ran around quite a bit, I understand. Some of those 'friends' were more than, weren't they?

I always differentiated between friends and girls I'm attracted to, friends were the girls that I never wanted to pursue or I wasn't attracted to them. When I was going around I always made my intent clear from the very beginning.

Any male friend that fits the above criteria, I would definitely be attracted to. How many female friends do you feel this^ for, Mish?

I disagree with a friend not being different from GF or a wife, that's postcard bs which has little relevance in real life. Ofcourse friends are different from partners. And there are also stages of friendship. There are temporary friends (ones you meet at uni and never see again after the subject), there are casual friends (ones you hang out with from time to time), there are social friends, related friends, hobby friends, close friends, there are all kinds of friends out there. To suggest that there is no possibility for a guy to be any type of a friend to a girl because any such friendship entails sexual interest is a delusion, seriously divorced from reality.

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks Mish. I agree with you for the most part. As I said already, I also have male friends. But I do not share deeply emotional subjects with them. I don't use them as e-tampons. There is a certain distance that is deliberately maintained. I agree with you about 'friends' having a different level of trust than partners or family. Anyone with an opposite-sex friend who really would go the distance for them in a real life crisis same as family or a partner isn't being truthful about the depth of that relationship, IMO.

That's not to say its wrong. I think there are M-F friendships that fit this description. It can be okay if the friends are adult and keep suitable boundaries. But IMO that kind of dynamic usually transitions to romance so there is a reason they aren't partners. Usually its that one person is already in a relationship or one of the friends harbours stronger feelings than the other person. As I said, I haven't seen an exception to this.

[Mish]

That's not to say its wrong. I think there are M-F friendships that fit this description. It can be okay if the friends are adult and keep suitable boundaries. But IMO that kind of dynamic usually transitions to romance so there is a reason they aren't partners. Usually its that one person is already in a relationship or one of the friends harbours stronger feelings than the other person. As I said, I haven't seen an exception to this.

I agree, boundaries are important. I'm not saying that developing a crush on a friend is unheard off, ofcourse it happens and it's something to keep in mind. The answer to the OP's question should be that yes guys can be friends with women without any romantic / sexual interest attached, but communication and boundaries from the beginning need to be established. Both parties should be clear about their intent.

[IndiReloaded]

I guess my only codicil to what you say is that its unlikely that a guy who expends large amounts of emotional investment in a girl sees her as 'just' a friend.

[madmike]

I think the bottom line answer is no...As stated in previous replies one or the other usually wants more.I think in general most people become attracted to the other person over time which will cause a problem for the "friendship" if only one wants more than that..I also think that there are exceptions however to be blunt I don't know any guy that would turn down a chance to get laid with someone they care about...And we all know what USUALLY happens to a friendship when sex is involved...I have had this conversation many times with men and women and the bottom line is men and women are flat out two different species..Men are physically attracted to women and women are physically attracted to men..The very nature of that fact ALMOST always prevents just friendship between a man and woman..One or the other usually wants more..I think from a guys point of view(like stated in a previous reply) guys are friends with women for one thing,sex...Now it may be for an eventual relationship but most guys hang out with girls because they are attracted to them in some way..Maybe some guys won't admit that but I think that is the case..It may be subconscious or not....

[Mish]

I guess my only codicil to what you say is that its unlikely that a guy who expends large amounts of emotional investment in a girl sees her as 'just' a friend.

A guy who invests emotionally a lot in a girl is unlikely to be just a friend. But all types of friendships between men and women considered, those ones are in a very small minority. It's funny to see all these people in this thread now saying that friendships between men and women without romantic inclinations are impossible, they are thinking of rare worst case scenarios and not about the reality and what really happens. I bet if confronted about all of the casual opposite sex friends each poster in this thread has had or have at the moment and accused of being romanticly involved with each one they'd do a complete 180. It's delusional madness. But, I guess it's fun to watch.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with you Mish. But the key concept is your use of the word casual. For example, I think Nerdy Guy is on that slippery slope b/c he's giving advice about his F-friend's BFs. Plus, he admits she's attractive. If she starts emotionally unloading on him... lookout NG.

[nerdy_guy]

I agree with you Mish. But the key concept is your use of the word casual. For example, I think Nerdy Guy is on that slippery slope b/c he's giving advice about his F-friend's BFs. Plus, he admits she's attractive. If she starts emotionally unloading on him... lookout NG.

I've got more self control than you'll ever know Indi Thanks for the warning though

[IndiReloaded]

What does self-control have to do with it? Are you admitting to SVP?

[nerdy_guy]

Self control so as not to fall in love with my friend.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, since I'm rehashing old quotes today here's another:

We aren't responsible for our thoughts, only our acts of will.

[elmo1313]

I'm going to be completely honest here, and its my opinion. I do not enjoy female friends, i dont get along with many girls and find it hard to find common intrests to talk about. Although i do have friends that are girls, it takes me forever to get to know them and i can become friends with a guy much easier :s

[VincenzoG91]

I'm going to be completely honest here, and its my opinion. I do not enjoy female friends, i dont get along with many girls and find it hard to find common intrests to talk about. Although i do have friends that are girls, it takes me forever to get to know them and i can become friends with a guy much easier :s

This is an interesting point. I find it's often easy to be casual friends with a guy, because all we need is a common interest or two. Like when I used to be in bowling leagues, I could be friends with a guy just because we're on the same bowling team. We only meet up at the bowling alley, and often times, we're just talking about bowling. Women's friendships seem to be more about conversation and less about activity, and so it's harder for me to keep the friendship just casual. At some point, a line is often crossed and attraction develops.