Church girl- I have feelings for but we're.....!

[Senbonzakura]

I know this is a stupid question to most people. But before I go on, I want to confess that I am a shy person and all experiences (whether they be lunches, 'dates', and my one relationship) happened because the girl would be very brave and upfront but still kind.

I was raised in Britain but am of Asian descent, and my only relationship was with another Asian girl but from the USA I met on a programme. She initiated and asked me out, otherwise I would probably still have never had a girlfriend. It didn't work out sadly, but I wish her the very best sincerely.


So onto the main topic- I recently settled in Seoul, Korea and I attend a small local church where I made some friends near my age (I am almost 20) and I can understand and speak some Korean. My two best friends in Korea are two of the nicest guy and girl you could ever meet. Yoon and Hana So kind and humble, even the Minister's wife said they are two of the kindest people from the kindest of Korean families which take in disabled and abandoned children.

The girl Hana was kind enough to ask me if I wanted to hang out with her next week the first day we met at Church, so we will probably be visiting one of the palaces in Seoul. A date? Or just a friendly meeting? She said I was 'chae misso' which means 'fun' in Korean I think?

Even though Hana and I share some things in common and are the same age... I was felt attracted to her friend Gyuri instead. Whilst Hana and I were talking a lot at Church lunch, Gyuri was sitting at another table herself having idle chitchat with the younger children at Church. Gyuri seemed very beautiful, and to me gave off the 'hard to ask out' and 'unapproachable' kinda vibe. She seemed quite ostentatious and well dressed for a regular Church girl (earrings, and dyed and styled hair unlike all the other church girls).

Gyuri speaks reasonabe English since she spent a year abroad in Australia. I didn't really speak to her even after a small social gathering after church but according to my guy friend Yoon, Gyuri said 'bye' to me... though I didn't notice it?! Ahhh..

So I spent some more time with Yoon hanging out this week and he seems to know Gyuri reasonably well. She is two years older than me (making her 21 or 22) but despite having that 'cool girl' look, she apparently is very timid and shy according to Yoon?! I was shocked... Since her physical appearance and style seemed to totally opposite to what Yoon said about her. So apparently Gyuri was very timid/shy since young and has been attending that church with Yoon and Hana for around 10 years or more. She currently has not got a boyfriend.

So now I'm meeting up with my friend Hana for a small 'date' or 'hanging out' (I don't know) probably touring around historic sites in Seoul soon... and whilst I don't want to hurt her feelings I would like to eventually ask her if it's ok to introduce me to Gyuri her friend. I don't really know how a lot of dating works in general, especially not in Korea where the custom seems slightly (but importantly) different to how it is in the West.

I just don't want to get it wrong, and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I am very interested in Gyuri, I just feel something and being friends for the time being would be great!


Any advice on this situation? And dating/asking out Korean girls in general? It seems that the very forward/direct approach in the West doesn't come across as gentlemanly in Korean culture?

General advice would be great too!

Thanks!

[Gigabitch]

I would hold off on asking anybody our just yet. Do you have any other social connections besides this church? If not, you should try to protect this by not making things awkward for yourself. Things can get awkward pretty fast if you get rejected or get stuck in a love triangle. You only just got there.

[rohit123]

speak aloud when u r right..if u think ur liking for that girl is right..then go n tell her that, before she thinks that u r seriously involved with her friend..

[Senbonzakura]

So I think taking things patiently and slower might be better. I would like to at least become friends with Gyuri first. Does anyone have any advice in general?

[nerdy_guy]

You're probably more of a chinese descent? I'm an Asian myself, and YES, just like you, I also watch bleach . Go out with Hana first, If you can't gauge if she likes you the first time around, you should be able to make something out of it now.

Now assuming that Hana has no interest in you, you can try to tell her that you're interested in some church activities and would like to do some stuff (Make sure it's on the same group as Gyuri's) Both of you will then be forced to interact from there. See? no need for intros!

[Senbonzakura]

Ok, so I just had the outing today with Hana! i ended up going with a very good mutual friend of ours Haeli who both know us well, turned out to be a good automatic icebreaker between Hana and I (though Hana is so nice it's hard to even create an ice barrier even if you tried!)

We went touring around and took some pictures here and there, I joked around and made Hana laugh several times. During the course of the day she would say things (in Korean) like: "Oh you're so funny!" "You're fun" "I had really fun time because of you!" . I hope she really means it instaed of being just courteous!

I didn't mention Gyuri at all though, but Hana and I's mutual friend Haeli who was with us knows that I think Gyuri is cute and most likely Hana might have heard from Yoon ( a guy friend from church) or Haeli that I think of Gyuri that way. At some point they did mention about them already sending an invite to Gyuri to come to the outing. (I had no idea?!) But Gyuri was probably busy so she didn't come.

Gyuri is older than all of us by 1 or 2 years by the way, but she is apparently shy and timid!


I managed to find out
-Hana already actually had a boyfriend all along
-but never mentioned him until I subtly asked
-her and I can just become good friends without the risk of either one of us thinking we are after the other
-and that Hana is just so nice!


Church is on tomorrow and I will probably bump into Hana, Yoon, Haeli, .... and Gyuri!

Any advice?

Thanks!

[Senbonzakura]

anyone? i'm going to church

[kapneb92]

ahh church drama.. not a good idea but since you're already in it, i'll try to give you some tips.
- Don't sit there pondering "she likes me? or does she not?". If YOU are interested, take action. No harm in asking her out to a date.
- This is undoubtedly make your church experience more awkward once it blows up. Although I hope it doesn't happen to you, it probably will.
- Remember church is for your religion first and foremost. This may keep Gyuri or any others from going about socializing in a romantic manner in church. So try to keep that stuff outside of the church.
- Make sure you don't alienate others once you become involved with a girl at church. It'll be completely awkward once that relationship ends.
so good luck, and i wish you the best of luck. fighting!