Standards

[Syph]

Hey,

I have a major issue with my "standards" of the women I seek. I read somewhere that people with similar attractiveness get on best. The women I have got numbers off in the past tend to be in the 8-10 zone. Personally, I think I'm close to a 7 in physical attractiveness but have lost a lot of confidence over the past 12 months (teenage anxiety, confusion about friendship), I also have few interests outside my studies, videogames, writing and poker.

I know that my confidence puts me in a weak position at the races but with my eyes on girls from "pretty to gorgeous", I fear I will end up disappointed or ignore a very compatible person (or the best I could possibly get).

What on earth should I do? Ignore it and get on with it, become the guy who can get attractive girls?

Any help appreciated,

Cheers,

[rain.man]

There are no soulmates. There are just people. And you should never settle for "the best you could get". Settling doesn't last.

If you can get them, and you're enjoying things, chase those 10's. There's nothing *wrong* with pursuing attractive women. That being said, eventually you'll get tired of the crap that comes with dating 10's and you'll start broadening your horizons. Dating 10's usually isn't all that fun, and what's the point in dating if you aren't having fun?

That being said, if you want to get the 10's beyond high school, you need some kind of interest beyond gambling and videogames

[Bella82]

I don't think it's a good idea to put so much faith into an article you read about similar attractiveness and it's effect on your future relationships.

Don't be too hung up on that fact that the women you go for are gorgeous, worry about if they're someone you're attracted to and you can connect with, that is trustworthy and fun being around. Be open to whoever you meet and more aware of that connection vs. if they're in "8-10 zone".

[kitkitkitty]

how old are you? you talk about teenage anxiety so i'm thinking you're pretty young. if so, you need to gain experience and reach for whatever you want/ whatever comes to you. in time, like everyone, your priorities will shift and you'll recognise what you really need in a person. idk about soul mates but whoever you end up being with, you'll need to work at it.

[Syph]

There are no soulmates.

For lack of a better word, a more suitable phrase would be strongly compatible person.

And you should never settle for "the best you could get". Settling doesn't last.

Your right, which is why I have a problem.

If you can get them, and you're enjoying things, chase those 10's. There's nothing *wrong* with pursuing attractive women. That being said, eventually you'll get tired of the crap that comes with dating 10's and you'll start broadening your horizons. Dating 10's usually isn't all that fun, and what's the point in dating if you aren't having fun?

That being said, if you want to get the 10's beyond high school, you need some kind of interest beyond gambling and videogames

I don't want a 10 per se, I want a 7+. If I don't broaden my horizons, I'll probably end up disappointed or alone. I will also join a few societies at uni, I'm pretty politically active and also an actor. I'm more rounded than my post gives me credit for.

[Syph]

Be open to whoever you meet and more aware of that connection vs. if they're in "8-10 zone".

Great advice... I need to play it cool and see what happens.

how old are you? you talk about teenage anxiety so i'm thinking you're pretty young. if so, you need to gain experience and reach for whatever you want/ whatever comes to you. in time, like everyone, your priorities will shift and you'll recognise what you really need in a person. idk about soul mates but whoever you end up being with, you'll need to work at it.

17, and I'm plagued by anxiety about my current friendship situation and my future with women. They are priorities #2 and #3, my first priority being getting into university.

I just feel that my "standards" are an unhelpful barrier that sections off 55% of women off in any romantic capacity. I have been in a situation where I could have gone further but my barrier prevented me. I felt both terrible and shallow, which is probably closer to the truth.

[rain.man]

Barriers are only a problem if you aren't finding the quality/quantity that you're looking for. If that's the case, then you either need to change your targets or change your attacks. The latter is usually easier.

Not having a barrier means a larger pool of possibilities, but it also means more negatives to wade through.

At 17, you're already worrying about your dating future? You should be out having fun. Enjoy being single, chase the high-end girls, experience the joys and pains of dating a 10. By the time you hit 25, your standards will have evolved so much you'll look back and be amazed at the type of people you used to go after. Let it happen naturally. Don't be in too big of a rush to find the future ex-Mrs. Syph

[kitkitkitty]

I have been in a situation where I could have gone further but my barrier prevented me. I felt both terrible and shallow, which is probably closer to the truth.

this must have happened for a reason. anyway, now you can learn from it and just go for it next time!