Some backstory to my predicament: my ex and I initially started dating in October '08 after we'd known each other for about half a year. I'd never dated anyone before (as a shy fifteen-year-old, this wasn't surprising) and the experience was strange and new, but I loved it, and I loved him as best as an awkward fifteen-year-old could. We spent a lot of time together -- playing video games together (aah, nerd romance), drawing together, critiquing and giving feedback on each others' writing, occasionally delving into homework help, you get the picture. We clicked like I'd never done with anyone before, but I was fairly awkward and kept trying too hard sometimes not to push him in a direction he wouldn't like. I was hesitant to say things like "I love you", since I wasn't sure if that was really an appropriate thing to be said in a high school relationship (in case you're wondering, I'm almost a year older than him). But we were happy and everything seemed to be going great until January, where my then-boyfriend took me aside and basically said that he didn't feel committed to me anymore, like we'd grown distant, and he couldn't give me the relationship I deserve; he didn't want to punish me by being an ever-distant boyfriend. Naturally, I didn't know how to react, but, again, I didn't want to ruin our friendship, so I kept the pain (oh, the drama!) hidden from him. Unsurprisingly, we were awkward around each other for the next few weeks or so, but we started talking again and trying to see other people. Well, he did, anyway. All the other little high school romances I tried to start didn't end well at all, and I'd given up by March and decided to give it a rest. I'd mostly moved on, but, naturally, there were lingering parts of me that wished it hadn't ended. In late April, my ex called me late at night and said we really needed to talk. Since I'd been asleep and hadn't heard my phone ring, I didn't get the message until the next day. I hurriedly called him back out of sheer worry (he's had medical issues in the past and I assumed it was one of those) and he sort of laughed and assured me it wasn't anything health-related. Relieved, I asked him what it was, and he basically said something to the effect of, "I was stupid. Can we start dating again?" I managed to say yes without completely embarrassing myself or saying something stupid (or if I did, he didn't remark on it.)

So, we started dating again; everything seemed to be going well. We played games together again (I even got into Maplestory, a MMORPG he really liked, to hang out with him more on days when neither of us could meet up otherwise, and it was surprisingly fun), we drew pictures again, we critiqued each other's writing again, and so on. I felt great. I thought everything was great. But then in mid-October, he said we had to talk again. Naturally, I assumed it was medical stuff again -- he'd had a minor form of skin cancer over the summer which, though it'd been medicated, still proved to be a recurring fear for me that he'd get something worse. Before I could ask what it was, he said two words that I never expected to hear: "I'm gay."

I'd known he was bisexual since before we even started dating in 2008, but that was a turn of events I'd never expected. I'd never thought he'd ever actually "become" gay. I tried to stay as calm as possible so I didn't look like a raging homophobe or jealous girlfriend and so I didn't make him feel bad. I asked a few questions, like if it was my fault and how long he'd been thinking about this, he assured me it wasn't anything to do with me; he'd been pretty sure he was gay since June. We went our separate ways, and, again, I tried to hide the fact I was in pain since he felt really bad about breaking up with me on account of his sexuality since he felt like he was punishing me for something I wasn't even really a part of. After that, I again tried to get into relationships with other guys; we never progressed past me asking them out, since they always said no. (In hindsight, this was a good thing, because there was an alarming rate of finding out about drug addictions, etc after they said no to me. Not all of them were secretly druggies or anything, though, before you get the wrong idea.) So I just gave up on getting into another relationship. My ex and I remained friends, I supported him being gay, we still exchanged drawings and writings and played a few video games together now and then (I got into World of Warcraft not too soon after we broke up, and he played that for a few weeks before his mom banned him from it), but through it all, I couldn't help but longingly wonder, "What if he's still just bi, but with a leaning preference towards guys?" Out of respect for him (I didn't want to make him feel awkward, upset, etc), I didn't try to make any moves on him.

In June of this year, my family and I took a cross-country road trip that'd last for a lot of the summer; during that time, I started to feel like I was getting over him. (The separation from him probably had something to do with it.) When we reached Washington in early July, we stopped for a few weeks at my grandmother's house. At that time, I got to talk more with all my friends on MSN and via phone (there was a lot more stable reception there than on the road, and we'd only been able to text since actually talking on the phone in a car full of people, some of which are usually trying to sleep, is rude), which included my ex. To my delight, the unresolved sexual tension feelings didn't resurface when we started talking again, so I was certain I was over him and could finally move on. While in Washington, I was talking to one of my friends (let's call him Greg) and we got into a sort of debate about homosexuality. Greg is... shall we say, a bit of a homophobe. He doesn't outright hate gays (he's grudgingly accepting of the gay friends in our social group) but he has some fairly insulting opinions about them. Naturally, I defended gays, and Greg passingly mentioned my ex talking about me behind my back after we broke up. I thought he was just trying to win the argument or was just mistaken about something, so I told him off and we dropped the topic of homosexuality altogether. Later that evening, I mentioned the fight to my ex, who laughed about it up until I got to the part about him allegedly talking behind my back. At that point, he got furious, and I had to talk him out of confronting Greg about it. Once he'd calmed down a bit, he basically said, "It might sound crazy, but I still love you. I just couldn't give you what you deserve." In a bit of a daze (so much for trying to get over him!), I told him I still loved him, too, and we ended up moving onto a different topic after a brief moment of silence. That night, I tried to sort out my feelings for him, and the next morning, I talked to him about what he'd said last night and where it left our relationship. He more or less said, "Yeah, I love you for who you are, but I can't give you what you deserve. I'm gay, I can't lie to myself about that anymore." I accepted that and pretended not to be crushed by switching the topic and later excusing myself (remember, I was still in Washington; these conversations were all via phone or MSN). I went on a video game binge to try to forget. What a weird situation, huh? I thought my feelings were unrequited, but it turns out that they weren't, but it still doesn't take me any closer to having a relationship with him again.

When I got back home in late July, I felt those feelings of unresolved sexual tension yet again, and I think I felt like they were actually worse than they were before. In August, I tried talking to my ex about a potential relationship again, making it clear that I'd be perfectly fine if he didn't want one, I wouldn't take it personally, etc, and he gently said that yes, he was still gay.

So, forum, I ask you this: how do I get over this guy? In case you're wondering, I'm seventeen and he's sixteen, so I'm not going to bemoan that he was the only guy in my life who could ever make me feel this way and that I'll never love anyone again, because for all I know someone else will come along who I'll click with. I just need a temporary solace of some sort, some kind of way to get over him now or at least quell the feelings I have temporarily so I'm not bothered by them every time I see him. Any suggestions? What should I do? (If you somehow think that a relationship is still possible between us and think that I should try to salvage it, go ahead and suggest that, but I probably won't ask him about a relationship unless he makes the initiative on that since I don't want him to feel bad or make him feel like I'm a clingy, jealous ex-girlfriend.)

It's hard to move on from him because I've already invested a lot of emotional support in him both as a boyfriend and just as a friend. But I've accepted that I need to move on since a relationship between us really doesn't seem possible at this point.