Is this how relationships should be?

[ShannonMI]

I really wish everyone wouldn't keep ganging up on nov13 because she has different viewpoints to other people. It really feels like everyone is gaining strength from seeing that other people are having a go at her and that gives them more confidence to have a go at her. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable to be honest. She may have different viewpoints from other people on here and i'm not saying i agree with things she says but reading the attacks on nov13 is making me feel quite uncomfortable. People are who they are and they have their opinions whether we like that or not. When some people feel attacked they tend to attack back and i think this is what nov13 is doing.

Just because this is on the internet does not mean that good manners cannot prevail. I would not attack someone verbally and personally if i met them say in a bar and they had different opinions to myself but maybe i am alone in that.

I agree wholeheartedly with what you are saying here, but nov13 was slinging insults at a few of the people that were posting. They were giving their opinions and he was discounting those opinions and insulting them. That is the bottom line. Saying they were brainless, insecure, crazy, unintelligent etc. etc. etc. Totally unnecessary. I think everyone needs to give up on this thread and move on to a new topic. We've all discussed this topic enough, I think. Sorry you felt uncomfortable reading it.

[IndiReloaded]

3rd - had to come down to her level so she can understand my post.

I admit, I have problems understanding your Retardese. Its a failing of mine. Shrug.

@ Shannon, she's just a troll. Its cool.

[Gigabitch]

I really wish everyone wouldn't keep ganging up on nov13 because she has different viewpoints to other people. ...

Maybe if this were nov13's thread, there might be some validity to this. It's Shannon's thread, though, and nov13 is trolling it.

It's like nov13 came into a bar and joined a table that Shannon was already sitting at and started loudly spouting nonsense and arguing with everyone else at the table. It's understandable if we have a go.

[fi123]

But once we join this forum are we not then openly and without prejudice invited to join that one big table and give our opinions? That is the way of an open forum, surely. You can't say that certain people can comment on certain threads and not comment on others, gigabitch, with respect.

[lahnnabell]

nov13 wasn't being respectful.

[ShannonMI]

What exactly is a troller or a troll? Someone that comes into a forum to cause problems? Just wondering

[Gigabitch]

But once we join this forum are we not then openly and without prejudice invited to join that one big table and give our opinions? That is the way of an open forum, surely. You can't say that certain people can comment on certain threads and not comment on others, gigabitch, with respect.

We are all welcome to discuss, but when the arguing and combativeness begins, it's open season. This is not a heavily moderated forum. People have a lot of leeway to express themselves as obnoxiously as they can get away with. It improves the soup, so to speak, to have people feel that they can freely spout their opinions. They just can't expect everyone else to stand back and clap.

What exactly is a troller or a troll? Someone that comes into a forum to cause problems? Just wondering

Exactly.

[IndiReloaded]

Maybe if this were nov13's thread, there might be some validity to this. It's Shannon's thread, though, and nov13 is trolling it.

It's like nov13 came into a bar and joined a table that Shannon was already sitting at and started loudly spouting nonsense and arguing with everyone else at the table. It's understandable if we have a go.

Precisely. If nov13 wants to start her own thread (of the dozens we've had before) about "True Love and finding The One", go for it.

[Borealis]

Your boyfriend is right.

Why?

Those models/stages of love has been what has failed this generation not only in relationships but marriage. If it worked you wouldn't see the endless divorces and brokenhearted. Everyone seems fine with accepting mediocrity, while no longer looking for an alternative. He is looking for that alternative and that is admirable. If he sought comfort, then you should have reason to doubt.

[IndiReloaded]

Interesting. My observations are the exact opposite. That the problem with the current generation's inability to keep a marriage together is an unreasonable expectation of perfection and an unwillingness to tolerate the natural human failings of their partners.

My parents and grandparents generation did it. Were they really perfect soulmates for each other? Or were they simply more reasonable and adult in their expectations and commitment to each other AND the principle of marriage. The latter, I think. Surely we didn't forget how to find our soulmates in just a couple generations.

Its always the ones that come from broken homes or have very little longterm relationship experience that believe this soulmate/relationships are effortless bunk. Wishful thinking syndrome (another great Dan Savage quote).

[ShannonMI]

Your boyfriend is right.

Why?

Those models/stages of love has been what has failed this generation not only in relationships but marriage. If it worked you wouldn't see the endless divorces and brokenhearted. Everyone seems fine with accepting mediocrity, while no longer looking for an alternative. He is looking for that alternative and that is admirable. If he sought comfort, then you should have reason to doubt.

It may be admirable that he strives to keep the beginning feelings alive, but is it something that he is going to acheive? It's very hard to make those beginning feelings last. I don't knock him for wanting it, but it's going to be nearly impossible for him. I don't think comfort is such a bad thing either. If it was just comfort and no love, then yes that would be bad. But comfort, love and stability are some of the qualities people should strive for in a long term relationship. If you can find comfort, love and stabilty with someone, then that would be an ideal long term relationship, in my opinion.