Do you think that I handled this situation badly?

[nihao]

Hey.. been worrying myself about this for a couple days now, and I just want to get an objective opinion about it. Long story short, I had been seeing a girl for about 3 weeks.. nothing exclusive, but we spent a lot of time together. About a week ago I called her to make plans for dinner on a certain night, and she said she'd get back to me. She never did, but come to find out she'd gone out with another guy to a club. We had a talk about it and at first she lied, very poorly, then eventually said that she was seeing this guy, but they were just friends. I ddin't get upset but I did explain that I didn't wanna play games or have to 'compete' for her. We decided to just be friends, and so now she's seeing the other guy.

I feel like I did the right thing, because I don't want to have to compete with someone else to get her. I understand that we were not exclusive, but that's still no excuse in my mind for lying. If you can't be upfront with each other that early on in a relationship, and one person is already playing mind games, then the whole relationship is destined to fail in my opinion.

My friends are saying I came off as weak because I let her go without a fight to another guy and that I needed to step up and do something about it. If she was testing me to see how much I really care about her, I think she picked a really dumb immature way to do it, so I still believe I did the right thing, but I'd like to know what other people think, and also I'd like to hear any advice on how I could handle this situation better in the future if it ever comes up again. Thanks very much!

[kitkitkitty]

the possibility of looking 'weak' is far more attractive than clinging on to her and looking desperate and needy as hell. you weren't exclusive, you walked away from a possible landmine situation. i don't see the problem.

[girl68]

I think you didn't like her enough. If you did I believe you would ahve put a little more effort in.

In her mind, survial of the fittest. If you act like you don't give a shit, then bye bye (and you did... you acted like you couldn't have cared less). You lost because one you didn't really like her THAT much to begin with and 2 becasue you think she should just fall into your arms... nope dating takes effort it takes work... and sometimes a little fight too.

My bf now had to fight. I dated his friend... eventually I started eying my now bf. He had his work cut out for him. I was already dating another guy... he won because he persued me. (Note: he also really wanted me... so he tried quite hard)

edit: by "fight" I do not mean literally... they just sort of compteted for my attention... asking me out first blah blah blah.

[Gigabitch]

You fight to keep someone you're in love with, not someone you're just starting out with who has already shown that she's willing to lie and be sneaky. It's not weak to just ditch her because she wasn't worth the effort.

[nihao]

I cared about her a lot at first, I thought she was great, until I found out she was lying. So yeah, from that point on, I didn't care about her or believe she was worth fighting for in any way. Girl68, I see what you're saying about survival of the fittest, but that mentality doesn't apply to this situation If me and her were seeing each other and some other guy tried to move in on her, then yeah I'd fight for her, but if she's gonna be deceptive this early on.. why should I fight for her?

I should clarify one thing though: She asked him to the club, she told me that herself. That was the breaking point for me. Yea, if he had asked her, it might have changed things a little bit, because I would have a sense of needing to fight to keep her, but if she's asking him out? Forget about it, cya chick, have a nice life.

[girl68]

I'm not saying you should.

FYI- when I was dating the "friend" I didn't tell anyone whom I was with. If my now bf asked, I too lied or rather I just didn't tell him WHERE I was or WHO I was with I was simply "out and about". He didn't need to know I was out on a date we weren't exclusive.

[chump4u]

I cared about her a lot at first, I thought she was great, until I found out she was lying. So yeah, from that point on, I didn't care about her or believe she was worth fighting for in any way. Girl68, I see what you're saying about survival of the fittest, but that mentality doesn't apply to this situation If me and her were seeing each other and some other guy tried to move in on her, then yeah I'd fight for her, but if she's gonna be deceptive this early on.. why should I fight for her?

You handled it perfectly, nihao.