boyfriend told me he loves me... then took it back

[lovelovelove66]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 3 months now and we have a really good relationship. We spend every night together & on the weekends we’re always together, whether it is going on dates or spending time with our mutual friends. All along I have known that my boyfriend ‘likes’ me a lot & cares about me a lot because he has told me on many occasions that he does. Two Friday nights ago we were out with some friends having a few drinks at the bar, and my boyfriend brought up the subject of us. He asked if I loved him and I kind of hesitated as I have been hurt in the past & I know that if I let my guard down I could be hurt, I said I did but I didn’t want to fall for him because there is a possibility that I may be moving interstate in a few months he replied saying ‘that’s right you don’t love me’ I objected saying that I do I have known for a while. Further into the night the topic was still spoken about he opened himself up as he has trouble showing his feelings when he is sober, he said that he has never cared or loved any girl like he does me, he also said that the only girl other than me that he loved was his ex girlfriend but the feelings he has for me are so much stronger & that I am everything he has been looking for. But he also said he is really scared of being hurt by me like he has in the past with other girls. I said if you honestly love me you will tell me in the morning when we wake up he said he would. On many occasions during the night he said he loves but I couldn’t take him seriously because he isn’t the most affectionate guy, he doesn’t like to kiss or cuddle or hold hands in public I’ve always thought if a man really loved you he’d be more loving. He was getting offended when I wouldn’t take him seriously, I told him if he honestly loves me he will tell me in the morning when he isn’t intoxicated. When we got home to his place he cuddled me and told me he loves me before we fell asleep I also said I love you.
When we woke up in the morning I waited for him to say those 3 words but he never did, I know I should have brought it up but I guess I was just scared that he would deny ever saying that he did love me.
Saturday night he went to his friends 21st birthday and I went with my girlfriends to a family function, at the end of the night we met up. He was being quite rude to me through text messages and phone calls and when we met up he said a smart arse remark when a redbull can was knocked out my hand by accident. On our way home we got into an argument about how rude he has been to me he said he was joking about the redbull can and that he didn’t mean to come across rude over messages & the phone calls. I brought up that he is hot & cold telling me he loved me the previous night then acting like a arse hole the next night. I said I cannot tell if you’re being honest when you say you love me because you show your feelings in the weirdest way. He said that he honestly does love me and that he wouldn’t just through that around if he didn’t mean it.
The ‘love’ subject wasn’t brought up again because he went away on a business trip & I wouldn’t be seeing him until next Friday.
The Saturday that just passed was the night of his 21st party, he wasn’t as drunk as he was the previous weekend and before we went to bed I said I wanted to talk about our relationship and how he felt, he said you know how I feel I ‘like’ you a lot I said but last Friday night you told me you love me he said well I don’t know how I feel I say stupid things when I drink. I began to cry saying that doing that was totally pointless and he has gotten my hopes up.
He has really gotten me confused by saying he loves me and then taking it back a week later, I always thought when people are intoxicated that their true feelings come out. But maybe his judgment was blurred by all the alcohol he had when he said he loved me. Also is it possible that by me not taking him serious that it could have scared him?
I am not so sure how I feel about us and our relationship now since this has happened. I feel like everything he says isn’t true. I still love him and it hurts knowing he doesn’t feel the same way that I do.

Please help

[nerdy_guy]

I don't get it, you want him to tell you that he loves you, but you don't want to fall for him because of the possibility of moving to another state? What if he really does love you and you can't accept it 'cause you're moving away? I don't think that is quite fair.

Fairness aside, people who are drunk doesn't always speak from the heart, just like some people get into fights and some just becomes silly. He promised you something in his drunk state and you expect him to remember it the next morning? I don't think that's quite right. I myself don't drink and even I forget some things in the morning. If you wanted to know if he loves you that morning, you should have said it first as a subtlety, and see if he says it back. That's a lot easier. Try again, when he takes you out somewhere where its just the both of you and you're not bringing anything that would affect his thinking. Maybe a romantic walk at the beach or the park, having ice cream or something.

[Mish]

Yeh, that does sound like a flip flop. Seems like he said more than he was prepared too and then tried to backtrack and pretend it didn't happen. I guess now you know that you are with somebody whose words can not always be trusted.

[ecojeanne]

the truth does come out when people get drunk. he loves you. he just doesn't want to admit it in case you reject him, that's all.

[shammi]

are you a guy or a girl?

[nerdy_guy]

The OP is a girl

[lovelovelove66]

I am female

[LailaK]

He's playing silly stupid games with you. Unfortunately he's 21. He won't be changing any time soon.

Some guys in their 20's are confused and totally schizo when it comes to their emotions.