Can anybody shed a light on this? :)

[amyt25]

I have previously posted on here about my now ex partner dumping me and being heartbroken etc.

Basically my now ex boyfriend and father of my child broke up with me nearly a month ago. He said he 'wasn't in love with me anymore'. The night he told me he also admitted he'd been speaking to a girl from his work who i'd never heard of before about OUR relationship problems. He said he doesn't have many people to talk to (which is true) and he found he just got on well with this girl. At around 2am I came down the stairs to get some water and his phone was next to him, I challenged him because he never has his phone next to him, he tried to prove there was nothing in it by showing me the screen and there was a text from her on it from 1:30am saying "I'm good thank you, yeah I know the score, thinking of you xx" By this time I was so confused.

The following 7-10 days he spent all his wages on junk and ended up with no money. He had nowhere to go and asked if he could stay at my house until he could get sorted. I had to agree because this man has NO ONE, he has no family, nothing. So I have had him at my house for the past couple of weeks, during this time he has been very suspicious carrying his mobile phone everywhere and sleeping with it in his pocket?! (Something he's never done). Going outside for cigarettes and shutting the door which is something again he'd never done. He's out there for ages. And he's also been going to the toilet a hell of a lot and is up there for ages. I never mentioned anything because otherwise he's been very grateful, helping me out with the baby, cleaning up etc. BUT the other night he had a bath and his PJ's didnt have any pockets for his phone... so... when he went for cigarettes he was only out there a couple of minutes and he left the back door open and hardly went to the toilet! And I know I shouldnt but curosity gets the better of me I quickly clicked onto his contacts in his mobile phone and this girl was the last person he had texted!

I aksed him whether he was still texting her to which he mentioned "Last time was a couple of days ago" a lie! I told him that he's the opportunity to tell me the truth now because I don't want him telling me in a few months he's with her - that'd be a kick in the teeth. To which he told me he "wouldnt have thought he'd be with her but how do I know whats gonna happen months in advance" Surely you would know whether she was girlfiend material right?! He said she "wasn't all that" but he "liked her as a person" and he mentioned he'd get her to ring me if I didnt believe him and that she had a date saturday night. I told him I didnt think hed tell me anyway because he'd be asked to leave my house and he's got nowhere to go. I'm so confused, people are telling me that because this guy has NOTHING why would he just throw it all away and refuse to even try again without there being a reason. I'm feeling like why should I help this guy if he's doing this? But is it really obvious he's doing something or am I just paranoid because i'm hurting?

And to make matters more confusing last night he out of the blue said to me last night "You wouldnt have me back though would you, not now?" To which I replied "No". And he asked me again "But would you have me back?" and then answered it for himself saying "You said no didn't you". I replied "I wouldn't because you told me you 'didn't love me anymore' and your untrustworthy". Although I don't want him back, I feel he's messing with my head. But I want to know whether it's me or not if that makes sense.

Any advice would be grateful thank you

[vashti]

I think if you are expected to help him out with a place to live when he is broke, you should make it contingent on him not romancing other women behind your back.

Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that you have a child together, I would have kicked his ass to the curb and never looked back. That not being the case, I think you need to have better boundaries. For all you know, he may be broke because he spent his money on her, rather than his child. What a bum.

[amyt25]

Thanks for replying.

We have a joint account and I kept an eye on his finances (I wanted to know when he'd run out of money) and he didn't spend anything anywhere he shouldnt have. Obviously I dont know for sure on somethings he bought but the majority were non suspicious.

I feel very resentful he's in my house to be honest, but the only reason im doing this is because I dont want my son to get manipulated by him in years to come and ask me the question "why did you refuse to help my dad?" I did also remind him last night that he is in my house and could he refrain from getting involved with other women until he's out as I didn't want it going on under my nose.

I just dont get him, I know I don't want to be with him anymore but why on earth would anyone ask the question "would you have me back?" when they no longer love you?!

[vashti]

I just dont get him, I know I don't want to be with him anymore but why on earth would anyone ask the question "would you have me back?" when they no longer love you?!

Obviously, he may need a place to live....

Don't feel bad about what you would tell your son. If pressed for an answer, honesty works pretty well. You could just say "daddy had a girlfriend who should have been helping him" or "daddy is a grown man, and he should have been supporting himself and you, instead of trying to live off me."

[amyt25]

Your right. I shouldn't even worry about my son asking questions in the future. He decided to leave after all, it was not my decision

[girl68]

I think the man wants is using you for your generosity.

[amyt25]

I think so too. He knows he's gping from everthing to nothing, but I won't ever get back with a man who no longer loves me - he must think im crazy