Im devasated, been dumped

[Albinoni]

44 year old engineer, huh? russian brides have better writing skills

Dohh I am 44 years old and I am an engineer by trade or qualification.

[alwaystryin]

This is not about you buying her stuff. If she asked you to buy something for her your ONLY response should have been "Ask your mother if it's okay."

This is about the fact that it is COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE for you to be doing ANY of those things at all.

It is not possible nor a sign of good mental health for a 44 year old man to be "best friends" with a 17 year old girl. THERE SIMPLY IS NO SUCH THING.

Your ex-girlfriend did the right thing. And if you believe any different for ANY reason, YOU SHOULD SEEK HELP.

[Albinoni]

This is not about you buying her stuff. If she asked you to buy something for her your ONLY response should have been "Ask your mother if it's okay."

This is about the fact that it is COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE for you to be doing ANY of those things at all.

It is not possible nor a sign of good mental health for a 44 year old man to be "best friends" with a 17 year old girl. THERE SIMPLY IS NO SUCH THING.

Your ex-girlfriend did the right thing. And if you believe any different for ANY reason, YOU SHOULD SEEK HELP.

To answer your Q's here:

1. Alot of times (not all) the mother did ask me if I could buy her daughter this and that (small stuff, itunes card, concert tickets, Sony PSP games what ever) I could or would only buy stuff I could afford not all the time.

2. I dont find it inapprorpriate, infact my gf use to say to me your a wonderful husband and trerated me like I was her husband. And she also made it clear with me that I was part of her family and also part of her daughter.
Simple you cannot have a relationship with a woman and you dont get along with her daughter, just does not work, simple. I knew a friend who was very close to his gf, but her daughter hated his guts, why, god knows.
Anyhow the daughter destroyed the whole realtionship, why, obviously the mother will always side the daughter, simple known fact.

3.When I say best friends I dont mean like I was dating her, i meant we were close good friends and woild just chat and talk, not like I was going out with her, the occasional hello how are u, how was school and so on, not
friends as a companion, just simple friends.

4. Prob thats what you think, not me, she should of sat down with me professionally and nicely and discussed it with me than to cry and throw tantrems and fists at me and turn a mole hill into a mountain, than to carry on the way
she did. Ok I prob did the wrong thing and I will face and admit my fault, i'M no angel either, but I did sincerely apologise to her and said I am sorry and did not mean it, I think she took it the wrong way and blew everything out
of proprtion, which she has done before. I was just only concerend about her health and headacahes thats all, not to go out and hurt her.

[nov13]

Albinoni,

You did NOTHING wrong. You had good intentions. She does not love you if she treats you like a stranger. That's an insult to you. Your friend told you right.

Do not listen to the posters who are all up in arms and saying what you did was wrong. They are the same people you'll see in road rage, quick tempered and quick to judge.

There is simply no reason to be that defensive about a normal social gesture like contacting a person you know. Doen't matter their age. There is alot of paranoid people. They are simply insecure, antisocial that's what causes that responce.

[qwertz]

Albinoni,

You did NOTHING wrong. You had good intentions. She does not love you if she treats you like a stranger. That's an insult to you. Your friend told you right.

Do not listen to the posters who are all up in arms and saying what you did was wrong. They are the same people you'll see in road rage, quick tempered and quick to judge.

There is simply no reason to be that defensive about a normal social gesture like contacting a person you know. Doen't matter their age. There is alot of paranoid people. They are simply insecure, antisocial that's what causes that responce.

Or maybe its just a parents way of thinking...to protect your child.

[nov13]

Protecting from what? A close friend almost a husband being concerned about the health of their mother? Absolutely ridiculous.

Overprotective parents are making a big disservice to their children. They are turning them into people who can not fend and think for themselves and are hurting their survival instincts and abilities. She is 17 for goodness sake. People 200 years ago already had families at that age and took care of their own children.

He is buying her gifts, but he can't talk to her? Are you for real?

[qwertz]

Her mothers business is just that, if she doesnt want her to know about the headaches that is her choice, he should never have gone behind his gf's back to tell her daughter about this.

Of course he should interact with and talk to her daughter, but it is not normal for a guy to see his gf's daughter as his 'best friend' its not normal to be texting her regularly unless it has some reason, ie; what time she wants picking up..just texting for the sake of it is NOT NORMAL and to be honest, in todays society it pays to be a bit more careful.

[nov13]

What's not normal is her reaction to what he did and your thinking. Don't be quick to judge. Show compassion, you will need it someday.

As long as he had good intentions there is NOTHING wrong with what he did.

You judge him by your kind of thinking, meaning if you were doing what he did, it would be for the wrong reasons. But you have to realize, not everyone is like you and does things for the same reasons.

This is the kind of judgemental paranoid and antisocial thinking that started the Nazi camps and the Spanish Inqusition.

[vashti]

What's not normal is her reaction to what he did and your thinking. Don't be quick to judge. Show compassion, you will need it someday.

As long as he had good intentions there is NOTHING wrong with what he did.

You judge him by your kind of thinking, meaning if you were doing what he did, it would be for the wrong reasons. But you have to realize, not everyone is like you and does things for the same reasons.

This is the kind of judgemental paranoid and antisocial thinking that started the Nazi camps and the Spanish Inqusition.

Shut up, you dumbass. Protective mothers have nothing at all in common with murderous regimes.

[nov13]

Vashti, go find your brain and then come and join us.

Again, you should check with a psychiatrist, the way you associate things is not normal. You simply cannot put two and two together.

Just because they are mothers doesn't exempt them from being psychopaths. Just the other day one of your protective mothers strangled and then drowned her two boys.

[IndiReloaded]

Albinoni, I'm sure by now you've worked out that treating this woman's 17 year old daughter like she's one of your 'peeps' isn't the most mature way to handle things.

I think its fine, even understandable, that you were trying to get on her [the daughter's] good side with your gifts. But you crossed a loyalty boundary discussing this woman's health issues with her daughter, and especially by texting. This is an area where even a biological father/husband would tread lightly.

If you still want to work things out with this woman I think you need to really think about the boundary I mention and understand why it might seem weird from this woman's perspective. I doubt you are a creep for this teenager, but it could certainly look that way with all the texting, etc. Act your age and focus your attention on the mother. Keep your relationship with the daughter to a more 'fatherly' role. Know what I mean?

[IndiReloaded]

What's not normal is her reaction to what he did and your thinking. Don't be quick to judge. Show compassion, you will need it someday.

As long as he had good intentions there is NOTHING wrong with what he did.

You judge him by your kind of thinking, meaning if you were doing what he did, it would be for the wrong reasons. But you have to realize, not everyone is like you and does things for the same reasons.

This is the kind of judgemental paranoid and antisocial thinking that started the Nazi camps and the Spanish Inqusition.

This^ is a stupid non-sequitur that made what might have been a reasonable post look stupid. Do you actually think before you type, nov13?

[alwaystryin]

@ nov - You seem to be the one taking things to extremes with talk of Nazi camps and inquisitions. And how on Earth could you presume to know how qwerty thinks? 200 years ago there were a lot less people around and family was a much closer knit unit than it was today. People were more likely to know everyone in the neighborhood. Hell, 25 years ago when I was a kid we would leave and roam the neighborhood all day. There's no way I would let my kid do that today. 200 years ago albi probably wouldn't have even known this woman because her husband would most likely still be there. qwerty's right. In this day and age, when it comes to your children, better safe than sorry.

@ albi - I didn't ask you any questions. But 3 out of your 4 answers to these questions I didn't ask you all have one thing in common. Your girlfriends daughter. You've placed an awful lot of focus on your relationship with your girlfriends daughter. Maybe the problem in your relationship with your girlfriend is so much of your attention being on your girlfriends daughter. Anyone else seeing a trend here?

[nov13]

What's not normal is her reaction to what he did and your thinking. Don't be quick to judge. Show compassion, you will need it someday.

As long as he had good intentions there is NOTHING wrong with what he did.

You judge him by your kind of thinking, meaning if you were doing what he did, it would be for the wrong reasons. But you have to realize, not everyone is like you and does things for the same reasons.

This is the kind of judgemental paranoid and antisocial thinking that started the Nazi camps and the Spanish Inqusition.

[vashti]

Vashti, go find your brain and then come and join us.

Again, you should check with a psychiatrist, the way you associate things is not normal. You simply cannot put two and two together.

Just because they are mothers doesn't exempt them from being psychopaths. Just the other day one of your protective mothers strangled and then drowned her two boys.

Your posts are too stupid to take seriously.