Im devasated, been dumped

[Petit Papillon]

Petit papillon - are you trying to say i was not protective enough towards my daughter? When your 18 year old child is at university in another city out with some friends and she gets her drink spiked?? What exactly was i supposed to do to prevent that? Do you suppose to imagine that i did not do all the normal things that a mother would do to protect their daughter from people who have cruel intentions towards her and teach her always through her life to be careful?? I find your comments quite insensitive, however i respect your right to your opinion.

Teach her to not leave her drink out of sight. I knew it from the first time I went to a party. That's like the basic rule of going to a place where there is a bunch of strangers that want to get in your pants no matter what.
About drinks... Also to not accept drinks brought to you by some strangers. And besides there are stripes to test drinks if there are no drugs in it. You can buy it at the pharmacy.

[fi123]

Petit papillon i did teach her these things, what the police discovered that the barman was in on it too and he spiked the drink before it was handed to her. She bought her own drink it was not bought by someone else, what else was she likely to expect but that it was ok. I am not going to go into details about the attack but do not presume i did not already teach her these things.

[Petit Papillon]

Weird the place she went to, the places I go to don't sell "enriched" drinks... I still think it could have been avoided. If you go to a place that is well known and has some quality - you can be at least sure that the drink you get from a bartender is clear.

[fi123]

"If you go to a place that is well known and has some quality - you can be at least sure that the drink you get from a bartender is clear. "

Ok petit papillon you are right. I will tell her in future not to go to those places well known for people having their drinks spiked. I am glad you pointed out to me that it was obviously her fault that she got raped because she went to the wrong type of place. I will pass your thoughts on to her, i am sure it will help her. Your insensitivity is staggering.

And you think I have too much trust in human nature? Yet you can guarantee with 100% certainty the places you go you the bartender wouldn't do that sort of thing. That is some trust in human nature.

[Petit Papillon]

You got me wrong. It's not her fault.She was 18, unexperienced and not aware of the danger and how some types of places work .
My point was, and now I'm even more sure of that, that you not being overprotective is totally sad. If this happened to me, I would probably hire a bodyguard for her. It's a mother thing, to protect their young ones. Second, it's a human thing, normally people aren't able to trust again,especially so soon, no matter how hard they want to. Especially in a case like yours. I just don't understand you and I will not even try.

And yes, BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY should be a rule nr one... I thought that just stubborn teenagers don't understand why it's so important...

[fi123]

How dare you accuse me of not being overprotective when you don't know me. How dare you say that when you have no idea of the lengths i have always gone to to protect her, never letting her come home on public transport if she went out at night or at any other time, always driving to pick her up from friends houses etc up until the time she went away to university too far away for me to protect her to that extent. Teaching her throughout her life of the dangers of stranger, watching your drinks etc.

My original point is that not everybody is the same and not everybody should not be tarred with the same brush.

I really think you should get off your high horse.

I really hope that if you have a child and something happens to them that is totally out of your control someone does not blame you for it when you could have done nothing about it.

[Petit Papillon]

I said that,because you said that ?
Trusting everybody after such thing is not being overprotective IMHO
I would probably be full of hatred towards men after such accident.

[fi123]

I never said i trusted everybody, how ridiculous. I just said not every man is a potential rapist or child abuser.

And for your information, after this happened to her i arranged a transfer from the university she was at to the university in our home town so that i can continue to protect her like i did before she went away to another city to university.

Perhaps it was my fault also that she got raped because i allowed her to go to a different city to university rather than our home town and i didn't sent a bodyguard with her.

[Petit Papillon]

Just in this case, if you would really be so overprotective as you claim, you would be hyper sensitive if your ex 44 yo bf texted your daughter behind your back,IMHO. I, even though am not in position like yours, would be very suspicious and at least would tell him to not text my teenage girl and f off. 8 months of relationship is not enough to know if your partner is a pervert or not. Some women do not see it or find about it after 20 years. So if it's not his daughter - he should piss off.

[alwaystryin]

@ borealis - I haven't had a television in my house for 3 years. My 9 year old doesn't watch television.

[fi123]

I certainly would tell my boyfriend not to do that. But according to the OP his girlfriend actively encouraged him to form that type of relationship with her daughter, which i would not, but then she freaks out because he is doing something she encouraged him to do.

[Petit Papillon]

Texting over phone is creepy and i'm sure his ex didn't mean that kind of relationship between him and her daughter by saying "she's a part of me". Besides, we just know his side of the story, maybe he doesn't tell us the juicy details. If you did something creepy, would you admit that ?

[alwaystryin]

fi123, I'm sorry for what happened to your daughter. I don't think that in a situation like yours it's a time to judge. Someone got hurt and what's done is done. Judging is pointless.

As far as albi, there are 3 sides to every story. We also don't know how the daughter behaved towards him. Maybe she was crossing boundaries as well and the mother is upset at both of them. OR, maybe the mothers instinct was correct and albi was out of line. Whatever the case, if things were becoming inappropriate in any regard, then the end of this relationship could be preventing bigger hurts to all parties involved.

[nov13]

Petit, you are very unrealistic. It's very low of you to blame someone who had no control over that situation. This could happen to even the most protective parents. The only way a parent can be sure that nothing can happen to their child is to lock them up and not let them out at all, and even then something can happen.

[fi123]

I wouldn't do anything creepy. Nobody knows the real truth behind this thread, but then i take every thread on here with a pinch of salt as to the truth. We only ever hear one side of the story.