Closing In On a Year Now...

[ChristianonLI]

Papillon, do you think I was always this negative? Long ago I came to terms with and accepted my fate (only being granted the chance to find someone special once in my life) but I was absolutely certain that my determination and the sheer force of will would be enough to succeed once I did find that one person. I was destined to succeed. All I needed to do was find one woman to fall in love with and who would love me back and all the other details of my life would naturally fall into place. Was I negative for all those years waiting to find her? Not at all. I used to be happy, positive and optimistic for the future.

So the ex who left you was inferior to the person you are now with. That's great. So what happens when Jenn finds someone better? That means I am the one who's inferior and I will always be the one who's inferior. That also means if somehow there actually is a 2nd woman on this Earth who could fall in love with me she will naturally be inferior to Jenn. And if there's a 3rd she will be inferior to the 2nd. And so on and so forth down the line because only winners date winners. The fact that Jenn left me means she is the winner and I am the loser and those roles can never be reversed. Seven billion people on this Earth, 99.9999% of whom I don't know personally, but for all of them this fact is undeniable. If they were to be told my story it would be obvious, Jenn is the superior one and she is destined to be happy with someone new, someone better while I rot wishing for the second chance I was not given and will never get.

[IndiReloaded]

Actually Chris, so long as you don't act on your hatred of her IRL then maybe you should just really cut loose here about how much you hate this woman and what she did.

We'll support you. Noone here is disagreeing that she sounds like a complete self-absorbed, inconstant bitch for leaving you. But the problem is, it is unlikely you will ever be able to get resolution from her about this. We just don't want you to 1) think all women are like this, 2) waste time dwelling on this when nothing you can do will change things.

You must see the paradox here? If she was the kind of person who would feel the slightest remorse for leaving you, then she probably wouldn't have left. Or at least wouldn't have married you in the first place or would have tried counselling, or something before dumping you so cruelly. But she isn't that person. So you are wasting your time with all your 'whys', as far as her behaviour goes. You need to find a way to flip that mental switch and flush her, just like you would a particularly painful dump. You don't cry over the shit you flush down the toilet do you? Of course not. Because its shit and its not worth thinking about once its gone.

Same for her, Chris. So go ahead and vent. I think you are still at the stage where you need to release all your emotion before you'll be able to think about this rationally. Frankly, you need to stop putting Jenn on a pedestal b/c from where I sit she doesn't sound all that great.

BTW, for whatever its worth to you I can promise you that she WILL suffer for her attitudes about other people. Maybe not right away, and probably never so that you will get satisfaction directly but I've seen people do terrible things to each other and they always pay for it in some way. Karma is a bitch and a bastard. Believe it.

[WaiKru]

Doesn't anyone get it? I was not supposed to have loved and lost. I was not supposed to have been faced with misery and despair. My life was supposed to work out perfectly, with nothing going wrong, with the first woman I fell in love with staying forever thereby freeing me from the painful rejection that I would undoubtedly face should I have attempted to court any other woman on this Earth. This is not reality and this is not my life. Something went horribly wrong in the universe a year ago which caused some sort of shift in reality away from what it was supposed to be and towards something else, a totally wrong reality that wasn't meant to exist. And now I'm trapped in this new reality, unable to escape or get back to the one I'm supposed to be in. I can't imagine such a horrible disaster being taken lightly or not being freaked out over but if I am to succeed I cannot roll over and accept it. If I accept it then I am no better than anyone else, a powerless herd animal forced along and unable to influence my world. I'll leave that fate to everyone else in the world but I'm not about to be a part of it.

Therapist Response: It's okay and understandable that you feel this way. But you have to allow yourself to move on and stop beating yourself up. There are PLENTY of other women out there who are not like this. She's obviously moved on for someone "better" as you put it, which means you can do the same. So take the next month and work on yourself. Hit the gym, get new clothes, and clean yourself up. Then start getting out there and socializing. You'll find someone willing to treat you better.

Blunt Response: The way you're talking is unhealthy and a little scary. I know you're hurt, but you're self pity isn't getting you anywhere. Regardless of the time frame in which she stayed married to you, she still told you the issues she was having (at least this is what I gathered from your ranting), and you chose to do nothing. It doesn't take 6 months (as you thought you deserved) to stop being lazy and unambitious. You can't fault her for wanting something out of life. This IS reality, and you need to get a grip on it. I was supposed to win a billion dollars last week, but it didn't happen. I'm not sitting around plotting my revenge on life because of it. You can't completely shut down whenever you're forced to adapt. I strongly advise against doing anything to her or her new boyfriend, or interfering with her life at all. If you love her like you say you do, then you wouldn't want to make her miserable. If you're truly unable to move on, then stop being a hopeless waste, and get your crap together. Get your life going in a positive direction, get in shape, and look your best. Then you can spend the rest of your life trying to win her back in a REASONABLE way. But you'll NEVER get her back in your current state.

^pick one

[ChristianonLI]

I will never get her back no matter what I do.

As for what you said Indi, before I met her I was already convinced all women were like this; cruel, unsympathetic and very situational in how they administer their love, ready to drop that honest man at a moment's notice should they get even the slightest whiff of an upgrade. That's why I would only be allowed one chance to find one woman because there could only be one woman different from the rest, a woman who wasn't like this at all and thereby capable of actually loving me and staying in love with me and my unimpressive mediocrity. But now that she's gone there's no one else because all the rest of the women on this Earth want what I cannot give and what I do not have. They want a strong man with a good job, tons of ambition, a full head of hair and an ample bank account. Even if these women have a job and can support themselves on a genetic level they want to be taken care of and that means money and power in the hands of the man, of which I have none. And now the woman I gave my heart and soul to is living her life, happy to be without me, regarding me as inferior and never again will she feel the slightest bit of love for me. Only scorn for all I couldn't be for her. That's a tough pill to swallow, people. So tough that I feel a deserve to choke on it for not naturally being that man she wanted. After she left she spent months chastising me for not being that man, as though it was my fault for being exactly the person that I am. When you marry someone you are saying you accept that person for who they are, flaws and all. Which she clearly stated by saying "I do". But she lied. And if this woman who pretended to love me for who I was never loved me genuinely then really, there's no hope. If the one woman on Earth who is capable of genuinely loving me hasn't come knocking on my door by now then it is pretty obvious that she doesn't exist and never will exist. So what's the point?

[WaiKru]

I will never get her back no matter what I do.

As for what you said Indi, before I met her I was already convinced all women were like this; cruel, unsympathetic and very situational in how they administer their love, ready to drop that honest man at a moment's notice should they get even the slightest whiff of an upgrade. That's why I would only be allowed one chance to find one woman because there could only be one woman different from the rest, a woman who wasn't like this at all and thereby capable of actually loving me and staying in love with me and my unimpressive mediocrity. But now that she's gone there's no one else because all the rest of the women on this Earth want what I cannot give and what I do not have. They want a strong man with a good job, tons of ambition, a full head of hair and an ample bank account. Even if these women have a job and can support themselves on a genetic level they want to be taken care of and that means money and power in the hands of the man, of which I have none. And now the woman I gave my heart and soul to is living her life, happy to be without me, regarding me as inferior and never again will she feel the slightest bit of love for me. Only scorn for all I couldn't be for her. That's a tough pill to swallow, people. So tough that I feel a deserve to choke on it for not naturally being that man she wanted. After she left she spent months chastising me for not being that man, as though it was my fault for being exactly the person that I am. When you marry someone you are saying you accept that person for who they are, flaws and all. Which she clearly stated by saying "I do". But she lied. And if this woman who pretended to love me for who I was never loved me genuinely then really, there's no hope. If the one woman on Earth who is capable of genuinely loving me hasn't come knocking on my door by now then it is pretty obvious that she doesn't exist and never will exist. So what's the point?

This whole "one woman" thing is unrealistic. If you continue with this attitude you'll get exactly what you're expecting...loneliness for life. Strong, good job, tons of ambition, and an ample bank account are very achievable for ANYONE. The only thing you have no control over in your list of things women supposedly want, is a full head of hair. Shave your head...it looks better than balding. Let me break it down for you though:

Strong - Hit the gym, stop being lazy, start exercising. Out of shape people get in very good shape all the time. You're no exception.

Good Job - ...get a good job. If you can't do that right away, at least get a decent one, and work hard until a better opportunity presents itself.

Ambition - WANT things in life. Being a sulky mess never got anyone anywhere. It's perfectly okay to be a wreck immediately after a breakup, but your grieving time is up my friend.

Ample Bank Account - This goes hand in hand with getting a good/decent job. There's no one stopping you from working hard and earning good money.

Basically my point is that you're acting like life dealt you a bad hand, and you're just completely powerless against it. This is a big load of bs. What happened happened, and it's over with. The only thing you can do now is stop feeling sorry for yourself and move forward. I'm a firm believer that every relationship is salvageable. You aren't going to ever even get your ex to glance at you, though, if you don't better yourself.

[ChristianonLI]

Coincidentally over the last several months I have taken a number of those steps to improve myself. After being unemployed for a few months (she left me the first week of being without a job) I got into a decent company with some good bosses who want to help me advance so long as I'm patient enough to stick to the game plan. I started shaving my head around the same time I got this job and have kept up with it and just a few days ago I got on the scale and noticed I'd dropped 30 pounds in spite of the fact I hadn't set foot in a gym in many months.

As for ambition, I've never had ambition and I never really will. I just want to make enough money to live on my own but other than that, I have no goals. The only goal I had ever set in my life was to fall in love and get married so that everything else in my life could properly triangulate itself on the right path. I am a firm believer that without love there is no point in living or doing anything at all, but I'm not so keen on doing all those things without love and without the guarantee that I'll find it and make my efforts worth it. I would prefer to have that love first before I bother.

And I had it. I had fallen in love. She had fallen in love with me, or so I thought. Soon as we got married I began changing my life at her request because I knew it was time to grow up and be a man, yet it wasn't enough. And if it wasn't enough for my brand new WIFE, how could it ever be good enough for anyone else?

[ChristianonLI]

So anyway, I shall now be fielding suggestions on how to sabotage her current relationship. As much as my deranged mind would love to do the unthinkable and remove from the world of the living her new boyfriend as well as her immediate family and closest friends (thereby removing whatever support structure she would need to get through her new boyfriend's demise) that would be irrational. Not to mention illegal. Therefore allow me to state I have no plans, now or in the indefinite future, to commit such a horrible act. Were I to go off the deep end and do such a terrible thing she would be totally alone and miserable as a result, emotionally broken, constantly crying, wishing she were dead, unable to leave her home or go to work and hopefully never again able to have a meaningful relationship. And just imagining her in this state brings me a glimmer of joy. In my mind it feels like the ONLY acceptable punishment for her leaving me and thinking I wasn't good enough.

But I can't go that far. However, sabotaging her relationships are well within the realm of reason and possibility. If I can at least cause her to be rejected as she rejected me then there is hope that she will receive some sort of punishment and I will claim some measure of revenge. So I need ideas. I know her new man's initials, but nothing more. I have an idea about who he is and what town he lives in but that's about it. I need to sour her to him. I need to convince him she's a horrible person and that he can do better so that he leaves her and she is alone and unloved so that she might know how I am being forced to live. The day she left me she made void her right to be happy, she just doesn't realize that yet. So help me out people. Help me ruin her relationship. If there is but one good deed you do in your life, let it be this.

[boobaa]

I felt sorry for you for a second... I don't anymore... You're a hopeless case, you can as well just go away because you're not going to hear what you want to hear ,from us of course We are bunch of happy people that were left before and "SOMEHOW" moved on How did we do it? Wow

Obviously you have never been unloved by someone, or completely alone. You break up with someone, find a rebound, move on, etc, but for everyone it is not so easy. Women are selective, men are opportunistic, two complete selectives can not exist, otherwise we wouldn't procreate. Since nature has set it this way, it is far easier for a woman to find a partner.

When you have nothing to say, don't say it. 3 months into marriage and a divorce just doesn't sound sane at all. If a man proposes, he wants to be with her girl, because he needs her. And if girl accepts that, she is ok with that. Or are you saying that a girl can only need man and rely on him, and this way of loving can not be returned by man?

[IndiReloaded]

Gee Chris, I don't know what to say anymore. I mean, your last posts basically say that all men are better than you b/c they aren't afraid to go out and take the things you say you think you can't.

Maybe you should consider going gay and finding one of these men to take care of you. I don't see much other choice for you. No self-respecting women would settle for someone with your attitude.

[WaiKru]

So anyway, I shall now be fielding suggestions on how to sabotage her current relationship. As much as my deranged mind would love to do the unthinkable and remove from the world of the living her new boyfriend as well as her immediate family and closest friends (thereby removing whatever support structure she would need to get through her new boyfriend's demise) that would be irrational. Not to mention illegal. Therefore allow me to state I have no plans, now or in the indefinite future, to commit such a horrible act. Were I to go off the deep end and do such a terrible thing she would be totally alone and miserable as a result, emotionally broken, constantly crying, wishing she were dead, unable to leave her home or go to work and hopefully never again able to have a meaningful relationship. And just imagining her in this state brings me a glimmer of joy. In my mind it feels like the ONLY acceptable punishment for her leaving me and thinking I wasn't good enough.

But I can't go that far. However, sabotaging her relationships are well within the realm of reason and possibility. If I can at least cause her to be rejected as she rejected me then there is hope that she will receive some sort of punishment and I will claim some measure of revenge. So I need ideas. I know her new man's initials, but nothing more. I have an idea about who he is and what town he lives in but that's about it. I need to sour her to him. I need to convince him she's a horrible person and that he can do better so that he leaves her and she is alone and unloved so that she might know how I am being forced to live. The day she left me she made void her right to be happy, she just doesn't realize that yet. So help me out people. Help me ruin her relationship. If there is but one good deed you do in your life, let it be this.

You need professional help, my friend.

[fi123]

I'm beginning to sense you are feeling a little bitter about the end of your relationship....women's intuition...its a gift

[IndiReloaded]

If you do decide to end it all, I recommend getting in contact with our friend Matt the Necrophiliac in the other thread. No point in letting a nice fresh one go to waste, eh?

(there are no copyright restrictions on this post, please feel free to copy and post as appropriate)

[Kyouhen]

You know what I find most irritating about this despite all our advice and I'm pretty sure in-depth experience in having their heart's broken, and have had WORSE experiences then your weak ass.

Is the fact your basing your entire life on getting self worth from someone else, there is a reason why you gotta like yourself before others do. Life isn't just about finding someone you can **** and push all your insecurities onto. Despite your "mediocrity" if you have no other point in living life then forcing it on someone else, perhaps you need to look a little deeper then making the excuses you are in not trying, it's ridiculous how ****ing lazy you are.

[IndiReloaded]

The day she left me she made void her right to be happy, she just doesn't realize that yet. So help me out people. Help me ruin her relationship. If there is but one good deed you do in your life, let it be this.

LOL, you are such a troll.

[Kyouhen]

LOL, you are such a troll.

I thought so too XD, I certainly hope he is, if not then this is all rather scary