Closing In On a Year Now...

[ChristianonLI]

I have already stated this is venting and nothing more. Though I love how some of you have the audacity to side with my ex when she is the one who committed the crime. She was unhappy because she set her expectations unrealistically high. If she had lowered them to something reasonable and rational we'd still be together.

I genuinely loved her and would have done anything on Earth for her. I never abused her verbally, emotionally or physically. I never would have cheated on her. She was irrational and selfish for wanting anything more.

[Kyouhen]

omg....your the real ****ing deal...the psycho self pitying obsessed dude who can't accept whats happened...I thought you were a troll...but omg your posts and dates.......jesus your the real deal.......dude you need to go see a doctor......cause this shit is to much for just a forum....you got some issues bro

[WaiKru]

I genuinely loved her and would have done anything on Earth for her.

Except meet her expectations?

[0jokers0]

OP is a Bitch

[ChristianonLI]

Look people, I didn't come here to be insulted or chastised and it really hurts that any of you would be so hateful towards me for having fallen so far. If it helps at all for clarity, I am providing a link to a blog I wrote some months ago detailing the account of the breakup. I should have linked this earlier. For anyone who read my very first post on this forum you will recognize this as the same story which I essentially just cut and paste there.

To any forum admin, I promise you this link is safe and if you wish to follow up to verify this by all means.

[url=http://hubpages.com/hub/Lost-the-Love-of-My-Life]Lost the Love of My Life[/url]

[IndiReloaded]

What do you want from the forum then, Chris? We've given you our best advice already. Do you just want to vent? Like I said earlier, go for it. I already agreed with you that your ex sucks for bailing on your marriage the way you say she did.

Do you want to explore the reasons why she might have done this? Or do you just want to vent? Let us know and we'll go from there.

[gonewiththewind]

When I first read your post...

and then the subsequent posts...

I start to feel my heart aching.

Christianon, what can I say? My heart is broken as well...

When I read your post, I don't sense violence. I know you wouldn't lay a finger on your ex wife even if God appeared to you and gave you that chance, you couldn't do it. But your love for her is manifesting in the form of hatred. Love and hate are the same thing on different sides of a coin.

The girl I will only love in this life is getting married to another man after all I've done for her. But I'm not going to go into the details because nobody here bothers about the details. I don't blame them. They've seen it all and they've heard it all. Even those who've been through the exact same thing will eventually forget (not all) how it felt like and tell others to "suck it up" and move on.

But you and I, we could buy each other a drink.

My heart ache for the both of us because I know the hurt you feel. Well that is a lie, I probably won't know, because you're probably hurting much more than me. I don't want to undermine your feelings.

It is so human to pick the easy way out. But you didn't do that Christ. You could've done a lot of horrible things but instead you chose to vent harmlessly on this forum only to be laid down by people telling you to see a therapist without realizing that's exactly what you're doing. This forum was supposed to help you. But you don't want anybody's pity either do you? I can understand that...

I'm afraid there isn't any right or wrong when love is concerned. However everything will seem wrong to the party who's hurting. If you've moved on, then you are no longer hurting, then nothing seems wrong to you anymore. But moving on takes time... and there are somethings that not even time could heal...

However, in the midst of all these chaos... during those dark and lonely nights, when the whole world seem to be caving in, when you are drowning in misery, you have to remind yourself that someone else out there is feeling the same way as well. And that doesn't mean that you can't whine or cry or vent, it just means you are not alone. After all, it is the loneliness that you're afraid of the most isn't it?

When love is concerned, you can't be human.
Your ex wife was human, thats why she dumped you for somebody "better". But you need to let her go, because you love her, and because of love, you can be more than human. You can be the most selfless person on earth. You can be calm, strong, contented... And now that you've been hurt that way, you know how to comfort the next person who comes to you in pain.

I originally came on tonight to rant and whine... but I fear this forum will put me down by telling me to move on. Some people just don't understand that we're trying our best and we won't have to rant if we could move on so easily. But after reading your post, your anger, your anguish, you sorrows, suddenly the room isn't so empty anymore. I know I'm not alone. Thank you.

I don't know if you and I are ever going to move on. Forget what everybody said. They can have all the experience in the world and if they've moved on then good for them! But you are you, and you are different. If it takes forever for you to move on, then take forever. Moving on is like falling asleep. The more you try to sleep, the more awake and anxious you'll become. I never believe in forcing myself to do things I don't feel like doing. But I'm not an advocate of self pity as well. I believe the only right way to approach this matter is with a sense of humility and rather than being arrogant and telling you that "everything will be okay because I've been through it", I will tell you that I don't know if you are ever going to move on.

I find strength these days in others who count on me. The love I couldn't give her, I give it to friends and family. It is the only way to help me cope. And while doing that, I keep an open eye for other women who will come my way. Be jaded enough to be careful, but be brave enough to give love a second chance.

Love is the only game... which you'll lose if you don't play.

Take care my man.

[ChristianonLI]

Indi, all I want out of this forum is to find someone who knows how I could get Jenn back. Not in a year after extensive personal improving, not after she's had a chance to date others and be hurt and test the waters. Right now. Today. No matter how nasty she was to me, how uncaring she was and how quick she was to throw me away because I wasn't perfect enough. I don't care. I would spend the rest of my life married to her and hating every minute of it just for sake of not having had my time wasted and for sake of knowing she was as bound to me as I was to her, exactly where the universe meant us to be. Because right now, as I post, she's on her way to work, enjoying her life. They probably exchanged some wonderful good morning texts, talking about their plans for this weekend to go to Pennsylvania, and she isn't thinking about me when she should be. And when she does eventually get around to thinking about me it will be with scorn, it will be with regret, it will be with disgust when it should only be with reverence and joy. She's enjoying her life and I'm hating mine and that's absolutely wrong in every way. I should be enjoying my life too but I'm not and it's all her fault.

I broke down and sent her an email yesterday after many months of no contact. I wasn't expecting a reply and all I can see in my head is her seeing the email in her inbox and immediately deleting it without reading it, smiling and full of glee that she had so completely broken me when she should be feeling remorse and realizing how wrong she was for leaving me. For wanting so much more I don't feel she deserves to have anything. By ignoring and violating my rights she in turn made her own rights void. Being a rational adult is knowing when to settle on "good enough" because seeking the best is not only wrong, it's irrational and selfish. She doesn't deserve to be happy for leaving me.

But either way, she wins and I lose. And that's how it will always be. And losers never win.

[kitkitkitty]

It is so human to pick the easy way out. But you didn't do that Christ. You could've done a lot of horrible things but instead you chose to vent harmlessly on this forum only to be laid down by people telling you to see a therapist without realizing that's exactly what you're doing. This forum was supposed to help you. But you don't want anybody's pity either do you? I can understand that..

oh dear, we're NOT professionals. we offer our opinion because he came here but without being face to face we can't give him the help he needs and he DOES need help. for god's sake he was talking about killing himself! with this situation i can't say that all sympathy and no reality will help him at all. he's not thinking rationally.

[BusyBee]

God, I agree with you, if you need somebody to mother you, go back to your parents.

[ChristianonLI]

So are you people even reading the link to see the horrible atrocity committed against me? Or just following the crowd and continuing to insult me?

[kitkitkitty]

i'm not insulting you, infact i wasn't even addressing you. i was pointing out the problems in what gonewiththewind was saying.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, for God's sake.

This wasn't an atrocity, Christian. The Holocaust was an atrocity. Darfur is an ongoing atrocity. Get some perspective, man.

You should volunteer for the Red Cross for the next year and get face-to-face with some real problems. Stop focusing on yourself. If your life is not worth living then you haven't much to lose by giving up a year of it.

[IndiReloaded]

Indi, all I want out of this forum is to find someone who knows how I could get Jenn back.

Noone can tell you this.

Being a rational adult is knowing when to settle on "good enough" because seeking the best is not only wrong, it's irrational and selfish. She doesn't deserve to be happy for leaving me.

Noone 'deserves' to be happy or unhappy. Its a consequence of the choices you make. She has decided to be happy without you. You have decided to be unhappy without her. Most of us here think its sad you want to wallow in it, but at least its keeping you from making some other gal miserable.

Maybe you should go home and live with your parents too for a while. It might help.

[fi123]

In my job i deal with some people who are in some terrible situations, young people terminally ill, or if not immediately terminal then people with m.s., muscle wasting diseases and terrible chronic conditions, people who have not been able to leave their houses for years because of illness, who have no tangible quality of life or any opportunity for any sort of life. In all my years of dealing with people like this i have never come across anyone with so much self pity as you Christian. Never once has any one of these people moaned as much as you. It really does make me frustrated the way you talk about how bad your life is about your life is because you've probably got a lot more going for you than many.

Get some PERSPECTIVE!!!