Should I call her?

[Irish83]

I'm new here and looking for some advice on a situation I'm in with a girl I met a few months ago.

I'll try and make the background as succinct as I can, but do forgive me if it drags slightly.

I work as a solicitor and back in February I was told by my more senior colleague to attend court with one of the barristers that the firm engages for court appearances. I don't generally like going to court as I work in my firm's property department and prefer the office work to quaking in front of a grumpy judge, even if I'm not the one doing the talking.

The barrister, as it turned out, was a very cute girl of no more than a year older than myself. I mean really cute; petite, pretty, dark-haired. Having only just met her though I was naturally reserved and maintained a professional demeanour. I didn't really think any more of it though since I was still in bad shape over the recent total collapse of a relations with a girl I'd been crazy about for over a year.

However, around April time I was tasked to attend her again. We basically spent all day together and while there was obviously a professional dynamic between us, we couldn't help but chat casually about shared experiences etc. (we both went to the same law school). Again, I didn't really think that much of it until I was I had spend two full days with her back in May. This involved travelling to two courthouses out in the sticks and dealing with two sets of young children who had suffered personal injuries. I was really impressed with her sensitive handling of the little kids (something I'm not particularly adept at). By the end of the second day we were really quite well acquainted and I decided that I'd like to see her socially.

My conundrum was that I am due to leave my firm next week (something that's been on the cards for months now) thus I wanted to wait until I was sure I'd not be attending her again to save on any awkwardness between us (whether she said yes to my asking her out or not). As it turned out I was right to wait as I was soon informed of another court date in June. I actually saw her the day immediately before that date when I was down at the courthouse for something else. I'm usually very good at reading body language. As far as I was concerned she was very happy to see me and appeared to be looking forward to the next day. I made arrangements to meet her the following morning and once the brief court appearance was over we went for coffee. I suppose that point in time was the perfect opportunity to ask her if she was interested in going out some evening. I chickened out but resolved to do it before the weekend was out.

I have a history of failing with women because I tend to procrastinate, putting off making my feelings clear for fear of seeming too eager or like a creep. In this instance I didn't want that to miss the opportunity. I didn't want to call her and have her feel pressured on the phone nor did I want to e-mail her work address as that would clearly be bordering on inappropriate. Instead I sent her a private message through the cursed Facebook, enquiring as to whether she wanted to get dinner or see a film sometime. She replied promptly enough and said she would of course be interested in going to the cinema however she hadn't seen anything that took her fancy and perhaps I would let her know. I replied saying that, now she mentioned it, I didn't see anything worth going to either however was she interested in meeting up anyway.

She eventually got back to me the following week saying that she was taking a few weeks off and spending it away from the city in which we live but we could grab a coffee when the holiday was over. I decided not to push it. I said that sounded good and I'd contact her again in a couple of weeks.

So, a few weeks later I did contact her and asked if she was interested in going to see some new foreign film the following weekend. After a couple of days she replied and simply said that she wouldn't be able to go and see it with me. I proposed simply meeting up for coffee the following week (something that she directly suggested). I received no reply and found my access to the 'wall' section of her Facebook page restricted.

Yesterday (over a month since our last contact) I went to send her another e-mail (just a friendly one without any requests for dates etc.) and found that my access had been reinstated. However, no more than an hour after sending it, my access was restricted again. I've still received no reply.

Basically, I'm confused. I'm not sure if I've done something to upset or offend her (I can't imagine what it could be). The references to Facebook may appear juvenile - I'm certainly not using a mere website as some sort of blueprint for life - however that's simply the medium by which we've been communicating and my confusion has been deepened by the obvious positive steps she has taken to exclude me.

As far as I'm aware she's single and so I don't think another ongoing relationship is at the root of this. I'm clearly interested in her and don't think she could have interpreted any communication I've made as anything other than a quasi-romantic overture. I haven't known her long enough to have been relegated to the dreaded friend-zone. Plus I've been victim of enough bullshit excuses and brush-offs in my time to know when a woman is simply not interested and I really didn't get that impression. Not initially anyway.

Should I call her and ask her if there's a problem or simply test the water by seeing if she'd like to meet up? I think she owes me some guidance as to the way forward (if indeed there is one). Surely it's not cool to just leave me hanging like this? She should let me know the score one way or the other.

Apologies if all of the above is long-winded however I thought I may as well give you all the facts and let you decide for yourselves.

Cheers.

[fi123]

I think if someone has obviously blocked you, then unblocks you and then when you send her another email she blocks you again, then there's something going on with her that says she's not that interested. Why would she block you otherwise, i don't get it. As you said you've made it clear to her that you want to try and take your relationship beyond the purely professional, so she can't be in the dark with that one. I'd tend to just leave her alone. She knows how to contact you if she changes her mind. She may have liked you initially, but things change. She may have met someone else, for all you know.

[LuvGuru]

Im as perplexed as you on this one. Something had to have happened, Restricting you on FB and blocking your emails are clear signs of that. Could she have possibly mentioned you to someone else and they speak bad of you? I do think she should explain why shes showing you the cold shoulder however she may view this attempt to contact her as something else.

[kalen]

well , I don't think you have anything to lose if you call her and ask her why she's blocked you on facebook (not that direct, obviously).
my oppinion is that you've taken too much time and maybe she was interested in some sort of relationship. but since the proposal never came and you were too shy she might have decided that you're wasting her time.
in any case, if you get to hook up with her, i'd advise some caution if you want her to be your friend too , not just a fling.

p.s.
it's funny how from a subjective point of view it seems hopeless, but from an objective one, solutions are found.

[Irish83]

Im as perplexed as you on this one. Something had to have happened, Restricting you on FB and blocking your emails are clear signs of that. Could she have possibly mentioned you to someone else and they speak bad of you? I do think she should explain why shes showing you the cold shoulder however she may view this attempt to contact her as something else.

Not sure she's block my e-mails. We remain friends and only part of her site is restricted.

The second point is a good one. The idea had crossed my mind. Last year I had a bad personal falling out with two people I went to law school with (the details, while pretty small-fry to all but those involved, are too complicated to post here). I'm not sure of the extent of the knowledge of the ins and outs of that particular incident (it's hardly front page news). In any case that's a separate incident and I really don't know why she would base her assessment of me on what would surely be sketchy details without at least raising the issue with me? I would have thought her above that.