Am I the insecure one? or is my bf making me insecure?

[snp0528]

Hey guys!

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now! I have a lot of fun with him, I feel like hes my best friend! We like a lot of same things, etc. If I never spoke verbally about our relationship people would think our relationship was great and that there is nothing wrong with it. Actually there really isnt anything wrong with it, but sometimes I feel that there is. For the most part i'm a pretty insecure person about certain things. Im not insecure about my looks or career path, etc. Since i've been a young girl I've always had this feeling that my friends don't like me. or people in general. I like to hang out by myself, watch TV, play on the comp etc, but at the same I always feel like I'm being the one pursuing my friends. The only thing I dont really pursue is my bf, because I know that a man likes to be the pursuer and also i've seen some of my friends be the pursuer and in return get broken up with. So basically, because of this I have to restrain my self A LOT to not pursue my bf that much. I'm confident that he will talk to me the next day or that he wants to see me and that hes happy with me, etc, but I have to try really hard to let him be the "man" Anyways, another thing is that I have a very hard time trusting my decisions on certain things, esp with my relationship, but thats only because I want our relationship to work and be easy. so a lot of time my decisions end up backfiring because i've over- analyzed the decision. ( I make a really easy decision a hard decision bc I am thinking too much)

anyways, a lot of times people like to pick at me, becuase I guess they see that insecurity. For an example today I was talking with my bf and he asked in a cute way if i have bought him any gifts ( I am on vacation right now) and I playfully said "Maybeeee" ( i've bought him a few things) and he responded "yahh right..." for some reason he doesnt think i buy him gifts. (i dont really see gifts as the best way for affection, but thats just me) I give him gifts for x-mas, v-day, birthday's etc. so anyways I responded with 'what do you mean yah right..?' and he responded "babe, you always give me gifts" and I responded.."I dont really know how to take that comment" and he says "babe, im just kidding with you" anyways, I know that seems really harmless, but to me I end up feeling like shit, and I get mad at myself for letting people do that, because I hate when people pick on me like that. I feel like they know what they are saying bothers me so they do it on purpose.

and I dont want to feel like that anymore. and I dont know what to do to change. Also, I have a really time being honest with my bf because sometimes I can say things really hurtfully and I dont mean it to come across that way. for an example if I were to be honest with my bf with those comments above that he made I would of said 'I dont understand why you think I dont buy you gifts" and that would of only made him defensive and things would of become awkward.

so im stuck and would like some advice

[Gigabitch]

Your boyfriend isn't making you insecure. You were like that when he got you. You can't hold him responsible for this.

[snp0528]

yah I know! I try not to, thats why I want to fix it