He didn't tell me he was still in love with his ex, she is back and I got dumped

[neverbefore]

I met him through mutual friends. I was there one day briefly and he told them I was "smokin hot" and asked for my #. He called me a couple of days later and asked me to dinner. We talked on the phone like we had known each other forever and the date was awesome. We really connected, and I know he felt the same way. We were both overwhelmed with physical attraction and had sex early in the relationship, and a lot of it. It was mind blowing sex. We couldn't get enough of each other. The connection was intense, deep, and strong. Then I started to feel him drifting away. I convinced myself I was being paranoid and I just hadn't seen him much because his brother was in town, but deep down I knew something was up. He finally confessed that his ex had called and wanted to get back together and that he couldn't live with himself if he didn't try to make it work with her. I was devastated (although not 'in love' yet, i felt it could be love if we had more time). I usually never pursue anyone. My theory is that I don't want to be with anyone that doesn't want to be with me, but for some reason, I can't live with myself if I don't try to get him back. But i am a very passionate person and I did not take the news well. I was hurt and I wanted him to hurt too so I did and said awful awful things. I was drunk and don't remember most of it, but text messages were a painful proof. I text to apologize, told him thats not who i am, and he would never hear from me again. But I just can't seem to let this go. So i text once more and said " i feel sick about the things i said and want to talk to you once more to apologize/explain, I need to know I did the right thing. Please give me this'. that was just a minute ago and i know he goes to bed early. I fear he will never respond or even hear me out. I think if i can get him to meet me, the physical tension will overwhelm him and I may have a chance of sneaking back in. But he says he's in love with her and she is delusional and a hypocrit, my exact opposite, but he swears she a good person, but thats a whole different story. Do I even have a chance after my bad behavior? what should my plan of action be? why can I not let this one go? help?

[nerdy_guy]

We were both overwhelmed with physical attraction and had sex early in the relationship, and a lot of it. It was mind blowing sex. We couldn't get enough of each other. The connection was intense, deep, and strong.

the physical tension will overwhelm him and I may have a chance of sneaking back in

You're attracted to the sex. Not to him. You'd end up stealing him from another woman. Move on.

[lahnnabell]

she is delusional and a hypocrit, my exact opposite

Well, you're a tad delusional if you think that sex is supposed to endear you to a man.

Let it go. This guy never planned on getting serious with you to begin with and you were a fool to think that sleeping with him would make that possible.

Why do women think that hopping into bed with a man seals the deal? It doesn't. Obviously whatever mind-blowing sex you had with him pales in comparison to how he feels about this other girl. You may have felt sparks, but that doesn't mean he did.

You can't let this go because in your eyes, this girl is better than you. She has something you don't, his affections. You're wondering, "What makes her so much better than I am?" It's not about who is better; it's about what he wants, and that isn't you. It never was you. He was most likely attempting to get over this girl by rebounding with you anyway. It sucks that he wasn't upfront, but it shows he was only after one thing.

Next time, hold off on the sex. If he's truly into you, he'll stick around because he likes you, not just what you have to offer.

[neverbefore]

if they were broken up, didn't she steal him from me? and you may be right, but how will i know for sure

[nerdy_guy]

No, she didn't because you were never his girlfriend

[neverbefore]

thanks for calling me a fool, esp when i am so emotionally vulnerable, but I did not think that sex would seal the deal, nor did i want the deal sealed at that point. neither of us had any idea what we were in for.

[lahnnabell]

if they were broken up, didn't she steal him from me? and you may be right, but how will i know for sure

Know what for sure? That he's not supposed to be with you? He's not supposed to be because he doesn't want to be. If he wanted a relationship with you, he would have said, "I want you to be my girlfriend." He never said that, and from what it sounds like he wasn't going to. You gave him a steady diet of hot, sweaty sex, which is all he wanted so that he could pass the time before his ex showed up again.

Are you really considering trying to persuade him to take you back? 'Cause that looks terribly unattractive. That clingy, neediness.

[neverbefore]

yes, i was. i had met his family. i was introduced as his girlfriend. so?

[lahnnabell]

thanks for calling me a fool, esp when i am so emotionally vulnerable, but I did not think that sex would seal the deal, nor did i want the deal sealed at that point. neither of us had any idea what we were in for.

I'm pretty sure he knew what he was doing. He was attracted to you and wanted sex. You gave it up pretty easily, so of course he stuck around for a while. But that kind of physical attraction means nothing when you really love someone. Obviously he cares about this other girl more than he cared about sex with you.

[nerdy_guy]

No one called you a fool. You just felt like one.

Yes, the sex may not seal the deal, but you were hoping to use that so that he'll come back to you. That is still wrong.

[lahnnabell]

yes, i was. i had met his family. i was introduced as his girlfriend. so?

Well, then he really did use you. Perhaps he didn't expect his girlfriend to come back. However, and this is something young people need to learn, everyone rebounds. Everyone needs to get it out of their system. If he found you so quickly after his ex, it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway. Most people need that buffer relationship before they get back to dating seriously. That's what you were. The adrenaline and the endorphin rush makes it feel so real, and for you it was. For him, it was most likely a way to block out the sad memories of him and his ex breaking up. That is why he was so quick to be with her. He's not over her. And any attempt you make at trying to convince him to be with you will just look sad and very unattractive.

[neverbefore]

i guess i just needed someone to talk me out of it. I never want to look clingy or needy nor do i ever try to get someone back. I wasn't planning on begging. I just wanted to apologize for being an idiot, so he doesn't hate me and who knows. i just didn't want him to hate me but im afraid it may be too late

[neverbefore]

believe me, if I had any idea that he had just ended a relationship so recently I would have never agreed to go out with him. he said he didn't feel it was need to know info right at first, i told him it was vital need to know. if i would have known. i wouldn't be sitting up at 4 in the morning talking to strangers about this.

[nerdy_guy]

yes, i was. i had met his family. i was introduced as his girlfriend. so?

He may have introduced you as his girlfriend. Did you ever consider him as a boyfriend? I don't think so, your OP never mentioned him being a boyfriend.

He considered you as a girlfriend but you never considered him your boyfriend. But now since you're hurting a lot, you're using what he said to justify what you're feeling.

[lahnnabell]

i guess i just needed someone to talk me out of it. I never want to look clingy or needy nor do i ever try to get someone back. I wasn't planning on begging. I just wanted to apologize for being an idiot, so he doesn't hate me and who knows. i just didn't want him to hate me but im afraid it may be too late

You've already apologized. He clearly doesn't care about your apology because he doesn't plan on maintaining contact with you. I'm sorry it sucks, but it's better that he's not dragging out and trying to be your "friend".

believe me, if I had any idea that he had just ended a relationship so recently I would have never agreed to go out with him. he said he didn't feel it was need to know info right at first, i told him it was vital need to know. if i would have known. i wouldn't be sitting up at 4 in the morning talking to strangers about this.

He didn't think it was important information because then he wouldn't have gotten all that hot sex if he had told you the truth, which, as I said before, is all he really wanted. He was selfish, and heartless about it all, but you kind of subjected yourself to it by giving in so easily. Next time, keep the reins in check if you wanna find out if a guy likes you for you, or what you're putting out.