Married boss giving mixed signals

[dare2dream]

Hi everyone I am very confused at the moment and could do with some advice . . . basically, I left my husband 3 months ago as he has a severe personality disorder. I have been in my current job for around 6 months now and for the past month my boss has been smiling at me lots and staring into my eyes to the point where I have to look away as I feel like he is looking into my soul!! He is married and in his forties (I am 28). He is not a creep and is not a flirty/confident type either which makes this all the more strange. He is quite a shy and retiring sort of a guy who normally keeps his head down and gets on with his job (he is a dentist and the owner of the practice).

It is common knowledge at work that he is unhappily married (his wife used to work there but had to leave as she was rowing with him every day and she no-longer goes on work night out as she gets so drunk that he cannot have the embarrassment anymore). They have 2 teenage children. I have always been attracted to him since we first met but never gave it another thought as he and I were both married. However, since leaving my husband he strated to make comments such as '' you must be relieved leaving your husband as you must have known you were unhappy for a long time and then you feel trapped'' he said this whilst staring into my eyes. He basically does things to let me know he likes me and I know he is scared as I am his nurse and so this is not a good idea for many many reasons!!

We work in a small room together all day every day with only the patients coming in and out througout the day. After a couple of weeks of him staring into my eyes I had a crazy moment one night and handed him a note telling him that I was attracted to him and asking him if he felt the same. Madness I know but I just had to know as I wasn't sleeping due to the sudden change in behaviour on his part (he was a normal boss until I left m husband). The next day he told me that he thought I was a ''very pretty girl and very attractive'' but that he was ''happily married''. I felt upset as I wouldn't have made a move if he had given that impression at all.

So, I decided to just put it down to madness since leaving my husband and decided to try to be professional. Just one problem . . . since that day he is staring at me all the time, looking into my eyes for around 5-7 seconds and if I look away and look back at him he is still staring. He has started to get jealous of another colleague who has shown an interest in me and even followed us over to the local shop and bought my lunch (not something he would ever do) and he has started to ask what I am doing on a night and at weekends, he is telling me all about his kids and has informed me that his wife has booked a holiday in December but that he isn't really bothered about going. He has not given me any ''my wife doesn't understand me'' lines. but he is totally trapped you can see it in him and since I gave him the note, he has gone from being quiet and aloof with everyone at work to being the life and soul . . . he chats at lunchtime to all of us and he sings along to the radio when we are in surgery. He seems so happy and I hate myself for saying this but I am really falling for him, which scares me.

I know that he is married and I don't want to be a homewrecker but he could be just as miserable as I was couldn't he? He is a gentleman and yet I seem to think he is battling with his feelings. I asked him whether he felt awkward now and if he would like me to leave, and he said ''that's the last thing I want''. Just this week he gave me a massive pay rise (normally tight with money) and I just want some advice from you guys . . . should I leave? Is this all in my head? Please help as I don't know what to do at all . . ?

[VincenzoG91]

Don't sleep with the boss unless he is your pimp. You won't get any respect at work, and you won't be able to respect yourself anymore.

[lahnnabell]

This is a bad situation, and if I were you, I'd start looking for another job. You don't know this guy. Not really. He's your boss and he's married with kids. That's about the extent of it.

He has no right to openly flirt with you as he's doing 1. he's married, 2. you're his employee. Though I suppose the latter doesn't necessarily matter since he's the owner. Blending work and personal lives is generally a bad idea, especially when it's with someone you work for directly. He's you're immediate boss, which could lend its perks (preferential treatment), but it could also ruin your career path if things go south.

[Lite]

Repeat after me: "If I sleep with my boss, I'm a fscking moron." Keep repeating this to yourself until you understand it, know it, and live it as a mantra.

[kitkitkitty]

if he's a gentleman as you say he is, he wouldn't ever do anything with you whilst married.

[7sins]

i dont get it... He made a compliment directed at you, and that is flirting? Guys can't compliment girls these days any more without implying anything extra? Maybe he thought that since you were newly divorced that the compliment might boost your confidence.

Also, I don't know what dentists wear where you are from, but here the dentist wear white masks, "stare into your eyes" how else are two people wearing masks suppose to communicate. Did you maybe want him to speak to your breasts?

Also from the list of things he has said to you, I dont see anything implied to be honest. You both work together in close proximity, judging again from dentists offices here, open conversations are a norm, also as people get comfortable with each other, they open up more and talk/inquire about more personal details.

Pay rise? maybe you deserve it. I work in an accounting firm, dentists make quite abit of money. Maybe he thought it was time to give staff pay rises.

[dare2dream]

We only have patients in half of the day, so no he wasn't wearing a mask haha. I know getting involved with the boss is really not a good idea, I am normally the first to critiscise people who have affairs but now that I have feelings for someone who is married it suddenly doesn't seem as bad (obviously it is). I don't want to lwave my job as I have many good friends there and the money is now great too. Perhaps he was just trying to make me feel better as I have just left my husband but then why make comments about being trapped in a marriage and just the other day he said to me that when you have been married for about 20 years that often neither person in the marriage is happy but that it is just a case of finding the strength to leave (he has been married for 20 years so I know that he meant himself) Why would someone who had told me he was happily married come out with a comment like this so someone who had made it clear that they liked them? Perhaps I scared him off by being too pushy with the note, but now he has had a change of heart??