Am I a fool?

[katiekate]

When I met my bf 3 years ago he told me he was different than other guys and I believed him. He has not lied to me in 3 years but he seems to find a lot of things "unimportant" and doesn't tell me much. I am having trouble trusting him. So I am putting this out there to ask men what they think. Am I "interpreting it negatively" as he says or might I be onto something? Heres the things bothering me...

Just before New Years I accidentally discovered that he was flirted on fb. It was a wall to wall interaction that I discovered. At first he said it wasnt flirting but after we talked about it he said he could see how it could be interpreted that way. She did hit him up first but then he responded by (imo flirting) bringing up a personal joke. Then he mentions that everything is the same in his life: car, apartment and job. NO mention of same gf or that he has one at all. He said he didnt think that was necessary bc our profiles are linked to show us in a relationship. I feel extremely disrespected. He was adamant it was not what I thought. He also said if he was interested in her he would have gone to hang out with her when she sent the message saying she would be in town and wanted to get together (it also went to multiple people, not just him). Instead that night he spent it with me (which wasnt something he normally does). So we agree to stay together, I would forgive him and he wouldnt do something like that again.

Then one night we are out at a club together and we are talking about chicks asses. He was being a little too attentive to asses so I told him he was about to cross the line. He continued until I was pissed. Then he acted like I had no right. Again, after we discussed it some time later, he agrees it was disrespectful and can see my point. Again, I forgive and he promises to not do it again.

Then we are go through a period where it seems he isnt sharing as much as he used to and I'm learning things after they happen or through other people. I happen to find that he has a Twitter account I dont know about. That's not such a big deal but I think to myself, "Why not mention it? I have one, too." So I casually mention Twitter (We had watched something on TV that mentioned it) and say I havent used it in forever leaving him an opportunity to say, "Me either" or anything. He just stared at me. Not a word. Now I feel like he's INTENTIONALLY not saying anything. I've seen his Twitter page. It's no big deal. The big deal is that I'm the last to know. So I feel pissed. I know it's unjust but I'm just pissed and I bounce. He follows me home to talk about what he did. I say, "Why dont you tell me what you did" I wish I hadnt said that. His response? "Is this about Crystal (sp?)?" It went down hill from there. Crystal is a girl he used to be friends with but hasnt maintained a friendship in 6 years. Apparently he's such a good friend she needed to make sure he still had her number even though she has a man and he has a girl friend. He said I shouldnt be mad because 1) he didnt flirt with her 2) he had actually mentioned he has a girl and 3) he already had her number so it doesnt count. I have male friends on myspace and facebook but I absolutley never ever ever give out my number. I have one very close male friend (they have met and are cool). Anytime I correpsond with him, I let my man know, just out of respect.

Recently he mentioned the twitter account. He told me the ppl that were on it. One of which is a porn chick. I'm not uptight about him watching porn. It's not my thing but whatever. But then he says she posts up crazy pics. I'm like really? I mean seriously, watch a porn is one thing but looking up a porn chick and not ur gf is another. And is he looking up random chick pics. I dont even know what to think anymore. When is it going to end? How far is he going to go with this? I dont do ANY of these things to him and absolutley could. Guys hit on me ALL the time. I'm not ugly. And i'm a loyal girlfriend who supports his gaming hobby (which also gets WAY more attention than I do).

He also used to check his fb when I was there and NEVER does it anymore when I'm there. He doesnt answer his phone when I'm there (but he used to). He sometimes leaves his phone in the car (he used to go get it). He also has a platonic chick friend. She called one day when I was with him and he sent it to vm instead of talking with her. I just dont understand what is such a big secret it cant be discussed in front of me. The more time that passes the more foolish I feel. He says I'm just interpreting these actions negatively. I dont feel like hes cheating physically but what is it that I dont do for him that he has to get from these other chicks.

Sorry it was long. I would appreciate your input.

[JeyGant]

Well I would say your taking it in a bad way. When I hang with a girl, I never text or get online or anything. I'm with a girl, so all my attention is on her. Reason, ALL of my girlfriends have been jealous of my female friends. So when I'm with a girl, I don't text anybody or call anybody. Maybe he's doing that now for respect for you. I do the same thing, and I never cheated on a girl in my life.

[Davis]

I think you're over analyzing and making things a bit bigger than they need to be. The whole facebook thing is "whatever". Talking about chicks asses in a joking manner with you ain't a big deal in my opinion. I wasn't there though so its hard to speculate. Sometimes you just have to put your guard down a bit and trust the person you are with. If you two love being around each other still you shouldn't worry about it.

[katiekate]

Thanks guys. I appreciate your input. Sometimes we chicks do that...over analyze. I will try to put it on the back burner and try to not make it into anything. I guess time will tell what's up.

Btw, he does text some friends sometimes when we hang out it's just not all the time. If he were consistent with the phone thing then I wouldnt think twice about it. It's just my own neurosis.

[IndiReloaded]

ALL guys look. Its like window shopping. I wouldn't bother about that unless he starts chatting girls up. The FB is a bit different b/c he has to actively respond.

[lilly1185]

Wow.
The internet has done a good job of making sure someone is so embedded into someone else's life it becomes a mega deal if they don't share they have a twitter.

When does it end? It ends with you. I guess you're at a point where you should decide if it's worth carrying out or not- people don't usually change, and being irrational about it (no matter how justified, or not) will never change the person's perception of what they're doing wrong, or "wrong".