Confused by girlfriends sudden obsession with "Clubbing"

[girl68]

I don't think she's doing anything wrong except not aknowledging the fact she's got self esteem issues which is why she has the need to be desiered by other men.

If the reason she was going out was becasue she loved dancing that's different, she's doing it for attention

[tacticalcraptic]

Yes, I like pretty much everything about her. I said that bit about what I would say to break up sarcastically. I would not end things just because she is younger. I am just confused by her need to get attention from other men. I never said I wanted to leave her or that I didn't like her or that she is wrong or evil or anything like that. I have just never been in a relationship with a girl who feels the need to get attention from other men while dating me. And I have never felt the need for pointless, fleeting attention from strangers myself. So it's just something that does not compute for me. That is why I am here, I am trying to understand the situation better and how to handle it best.

[Sonrisa]

this is such an american point of view that women should not have the need to feel desired by other men.

A woman cannot be herself in the society of the present day, which is an exclusively masculine society, with laws framed by men and with a judicial system that judges feminine conduct from a masculine point of view.

HENRIK IBSEN

[lahnnabell]

Sonrisa, no one is saying they have to break up. But the OP is clearly very uncomfortable with his girlfriend wanting to go out, and without him all the time. I try to include my boyfriend in each of my activities, but he doesn't like dancing. So, I go with my girlfriends. He has no problem with me going out and doing my own thing, but the OP does have a problem with his girlfriend's behavior. We all like attention from men, but she's advertising it in such a way that it's making the OP question his girlfriend's wants and needs. She's 21, so even she isn't entirely sure on what she wants, I'm betting.

So, either the OP says nothing and tries to deal with what makes him clearly uncomfortable and insecure.

Or he can break up with her now so that he's not putting himself through the stress of wondering what this girl is up to all the time.

I do think the OP could use to loosen up a lot, but I don't see that happening.

[Sonrisa]

Sonrisa, no one is saying they have to break up. But the OP is clearly very uncomfortable with his girlfriend wanting to go out, and without him all the time. I try to include my boyfriend in each of my activities, but he doesn't like dancing. So, I go with my girlfriends. He has no problem with me going out and doing my own thing, but the OP does have a problem with his girlfriend's behavior. We all like attention from men, but she's advertising it in such a way that it's making the OP question his girlfriend's wants and needs. She's 21, so even she isn't entirely sure on what she wants, I'm betting.

So, either the OP says nothing and tries to deal with what makes him clearly uncomfortable and insecure.

Or he can break up with her now so that he's not putting himself through the stress of wondering what this girl is up to all the time.

I do think the OP could use to loosen up a lot, but I don't see that happening.

and how is your situation different from his?

[Sonrisa]

lahna: You have to learn to put your foot down about what is and what isn't acceptable for you. If you stay quiet about this, it'll only cause resentment later.

vince: She should have fun and enjoy being single. She shouldn't settle down with a serious boyfriend right now, because she isn't ready for that.

what kind of bullshit are you trying to pull?

[girl68]

I, like lbell do the same thing. I, unlike the OP's gf have low self esteem/ insecurities, but unlike her I am fixing them and not brushing them off as if it's nothing.

The difference is my bf is comfortable knowing this and is proud I'm working on it. Edit- ok I don't think he's proud I'm crazy and have issues but he's glad I'm crazy, I know it and I'm trying to be a better person for me and for him.)

[lahnnabell]

lahna: You have to learn to put your foot down about what is and what isn't acceptable for you. If you stay quiet about this, it'll only cause resentment later.

vince: She should have fun and enjoy being single. She shouldn't settle down with a serious boyfriend right now, because she isn't ready for that.

what kind of bullshit are you trying to pull?

Why are you getting so angry?

My situation is different because my boyfriend isn't jealous or insecure about my reasons for wanting to go out. If he wanted to go dancing, I'd be more than happy for him to go, but he doesn't want to. However, he doesn't see that as a reason to keep me caged either. The OP is insecure, so the nature of the situation changes. Like I said, I think he needs to loosen up, but he won't just be able to change his behavior over night. His girlfriend will have to help support him in changing, but based on her responses to his feelings about the situation, she isn't capable of that.

And I mean that the OP should figure out his standards. Everyone has them, and he has a right to a set of standards that he would expect from the people in his life, including his girlfriend. It's not so much her going out, but the casual way in which she dismisses his feelings about it all the time, that bothers him. This is why Vin is saying she is too immature. She can't sit still long enough to empathize with her boyfriend on this.

[Sonrisa]

great, now we have advices from crazy people.

[lahnnabell]

great, now we have advices from crazy people.

How is that useful in any way? You're getting really heated about this, and I have no idea why. No one is saying it is wrong for this girl to go out and flirt or dance around and be ogled by other men. But it isn't really a scene you seek out while in a committed relationship. And if you're committed and supportive of your SO, you certainly don't casually dismiss their feelings and insecurities. Especially when they're trying their hardest to be understanding and open about it.

[girl68]

You're so negative. People spill about things that are big deals for them. And then you come around and magnify it by mocking "crazy people" Ie myself. How insensitve.

[Sonrisa]

Why are you getting so angry?

My situation is different because my boyfriend isn't jealous or insecure about my reasons for wanting to go out. If he wanted to go dancing, I'd be more than happy for him to go, but he doesn't want to. However, he doesn't see that as a reason to keep me caged either. The OP is insecure, so the nature of the situation changes. Like I said, I think he needs to loosen up, but he won't just be able to change his behavior over night. His girlfriend will have to help support him in changing, but based on her responses to his feelings about the situation, she isn't capable of that.

And I mean that the OP should figure out his standards. Everyone has them, and he has a right to a set of standards that he would expect from the people in his life, including his girlfriend. It's not so much her going out, but the casual way in which she dismisses his feelings about it all the time, that bothers him. This is why Vin is saying she is too immature. She can't sit still long enough to empathize with her boyfriend on this.

i am not angry, hon. that's just how i come off.

according you, OP is the one with issues, then what are we blaming the poor girl for? aren't we supposed to accept each for what we are?

does the GF have any issues with the OP?

[Sonrisa]

How is that useful in any way? You're getting really heated about this, and I have no idea why. No one is saying it is wrong for this girl to go out and flirt or dance around and be ogled by other men. But it isn't really a scene you seek out while in a committed relationship. And if you're committed and supportive of your SO, you certainly don't casually dismiss their feelings and insecurities. Especially when they're trying their hardest to be understanding and open about it.

not heated.

the GF might as well cover herself with burqa and wash his feet when he gets home. isn't this country all about freedom?

[Sonrisa]

You're so negative. People spill about things that are big deals for them. And then you come around and magnify it by mocking "crazy people" Ie myself. How insensitve.

i don't even know your story.

[girl68]

Weird because you came into my thread quite some time ago and mocked the hell out of me when I was trying to better myself. Yeah, I'll never forget that. You were straight up aweful to me. Anyways another story for another time.