Leaving the past.... in the past.

[PixxiePop]

I know that since I have joined I have given the advice to "kick the losers and wait for a real winner" but what happens when you are going through the aftermath of a break-up? I have known my ex since my freshman year of high school. He was the person that taught me how to do the very thing that kept me going through high school and that was how to throw discus on the track team. Without discus, who knows where I may have ended up through the years of highschool. There were some turns that I could have definitely taken that I didnt because of being on the track team. We were just friends up until my second semester of my freshman year of college (last school year). I was in a really crappy "relationship" ((if you can even call it that)) and he had started going to the same college as me that semester. It started out as just hanging out and being friendly and flirty and all that, but when I told him that I had finally put my foot down and ended things with the guy I was seeing, he immediately made a move for me. Just getting out of a relationship I was very distant from him at first. I even cheeked the first kiss he tried to give me! It didn't take long for him to prove to me that I could trust him and be myself around him. At my worst and my best.... or so I thought. I will admit, I let myself fall WAYY too fast for him. But, he made it seem like that was alright. We talked about everything (I thought) and when one of us had an issue we brought it up and worked it out right away. He became my best friend and we spent all of our free time together. I got so used to him being around and being all about me that I was clueless at what was really going on. I always looked up to him and in a way put him on some sort of pedestal. He was there for me through everything with the bad relationship and I honestly thought that he would never do anything to hurt me. We always had so much fun together and there was never a dull moment. I was so happy with him. He did all the right things said all the right things and I honestly believe that he truly cared (and still cares for me). The shitty part about it is two months into the relationship he left for vacation in a different country. When he left we had been going through a rough time because he drank a little too much one night and ended up making out with another girl. I am the type of person who really hates it when a person cheats. I had told him many times before that that I would not tolerate it. He told me as soon as it happened and I didn't want to fight with him because I knew he was leaving for a month soon. Instead of freaking out and making a big deal about it I simply talked to him about it and asked him why it happened and all of that. After that happened he became very distant from me and it broke my heart. I would lie awake at night while he slept away and just cried because I wanted it to go back to normal again. Things got better and when he left we were on really good terms. He told me he would miss me blah... blah... blah and everything was really good. When he left I felt like someone sucker-punched me in the gut. I didn't even want to get out of bed. While he was gone, I didn't hear from him once. After about a week of dealing with it I sort of flipped shit on him and said some really mean things through a message. I never got a response. When he got back he told me that he took that as me breaking up with him and everytime he went to respond he just didn't know how. When he got back he told me that while he was over there he was staying with a friend that was a girl and things between them got pretty steamy. I wanted him to stay with me so bad but that just wasn't what he wanted. He told me he wanted to see where things went with this girl. She lives in a different country. After that conversation I didn't sleep for days. I would just lay in bed and cry all night because he was so close, but he wasn't mine anymore. I lost my best friend and the first guy that made me truly happy in such a long time. Now, he is still with that girl, but he keeps telling me he wants to hang out. I have just begun to get a routine back of work and school and focusing on anything but him. I have my moments where I break down but I quickly push that aside and move on. I don't want to cry over him anymore. I know that it's mostly my fault that things ended the way they did and I have to deal with that. But, the fact that he wants to hang out even though he is with her is really difficult for me. I have never been one to stay friends with exes. But, I don't know how to let him go completely. Part of me wants to tell him to take a hike, but then the other part of me wants to hang on for dear life until he realizes that he has made a mistake. I guess the breaking up process for him and I has been going on now for about two months to him, and only a few weeks for me. How do you tell someone that you care for so deeply, that it hurts too much to have them in your life?
I know I'm stupid for wanting him back so badly, but I can't help it.
I've tried talking to new guys and surrounding myself with friends, but the good times cloud my memory and I feel like that girl that doesn't want to get out of bed again.
This semester has started and on top of five 3 credit classes, I work 40 hours a week. It's not even like I really have time for a boyfriend right now, I barely have time for friends.

So why can't I move on, and let the things that happened between us go, and try to salvage what's left of the friendship we have had all along?

All I know, is that I miss him more and more everyday. From the cheesy winks that made my heart melt, to the irritating way he would wrap his legs around me in his sleep. Why can't I let this one go, the same way I let all of the other ones go?

[kitkitkitty]

you can't seem to get over him cos for once someone's actually treated you like you deserved. well... for a while anyway. do you think that txt you sent him sounded like a break-up one? i saw it just as a possible 'excuse' for him doing what he did. do you not think he wouldve txted back 'so what are you saying you want to break up?' cos he hardly fought for it. if he was decent i think he wouldve done so. i can see why you got so attatched to him so i sympathise but i see something a bit weird. this girl friend he stayed with, how long had he known her? if it was only a short amount of time he could've planned it all along.

[PixxiePop]

He was in a relationship for five years with a girl that went to the same high school as us. they broke up last year and after that he sort of played the field a bit. He admitted to me that he had a few one night stands and even a rebounder to try to get over her. The girl that he's with now is the same girl that him and his ex girlfriend fought over because she felt as though there was something going on between them. His sister tried to warn me and tell me that he wasn't giving me the whole story about her and that when he left he would just completely forget about me. When I confronted him about it (which was the beginning of the problems we started to have) he reassured me that she was just a friend and that there was no way anything was going to happen between them when he was away. I believed him. But, when I didn't hear from him my jealous bug got the best of me and now this is where we are. I have thought about him just using that as an excuse too. I really don't know. I've thought about it all. Am I stupid for thinking about him so much when a simple "hey babe, I made it okay. I miss you, and I'm having a blast. I'll see you soon!" was all I really would have needed. I even told him that and he just didn't know what to say. I don't know. Maybe it was just the stress of having issues so early in the relationship that gave him cold feet. I also think that maybe dating this girl is his way of keeping his distance from really feeling something for someone like his last relationship again. All I know is that we always had fun together and I miss him like crazy. Who knows, maybe someone is looking out for me and since my schedule is so full knew that it would be next to impossible to be in a relationship, or that there is someone out there that would be able to make me even happier than he did.

[kitkitkitty]

i don't know if he would've thought into it this much but he perhaps didn't txt because he KNEW he was doing something wrong, and talking to you would reinforce the fact that he was with you and not this other chick. just a thought. whatever happened it was pretty insensitive on his behalf. and yeah maybe it's a bit of fate going on what's gona be filling up your days?

[PixxiePop]

I'm in college and working full-time to pay for everything so, it would have been really hard to make things work with him. But, I was willing to do it because like I said, he was like my best friend. He was there for me a lot through a lot so.... it's just been difficult to get out of the slump I have been in because of him. When things first broke lose I was a mess. Basically a walking zombie because I just wanted him back in my life. Since then, things have gotten a lot better and I'm gradually getting back to my old self again but I still have my moments. It's just weird because I have never gone through this before. Even with relationships where the "i love you's" were exchanged. him and I never said that and yet it's like I can't get over him as easily as I got over the others.

[Charisma]

Sorry, but this guy is an absolute cunt.

He actually sounded like he treated you good, you know, apart from the bit when he cheats on you and then ****s off to another girl. But that's his bad, and you done nothing whatsoever to deserve it. So his actions isn't cos of you, it's cos he's a tube. I'm sure the girl in question wouldn't be too impressed with his actions either, but that's her problem. And there is a difference between having a jealous bug, and a man being a complete disrespectful prick, and making you angry for good reason! Your reaction was justified, because a guy should keep in contact with a girl he's dating regularly.

What you need to do is love yourself. You don't need a man to be the best you that you can be! God knows that sooooo many girls think that too, but really everything you have, and everything you are, you were that before you met him, and you're still all that right now. Write out all the great stuff he told you, all the good traits about yourself, and put it on your bedroom wall, so you can read it every day/week. Also, you might want to reflect on what you have learned from him- no, not that all men are dick heads, that isn't valid-, like *if he makes out with another girl, that's his chance with the awesome me completely over!*. I know it sounds silly and cheasy, and maybe you'll even make up a few more ultimatums, but don't feel sorry for yourself, or decide all men are stupid. It was just that particular kind of guy that was stupid.

P.S. being awesome at the discus and being in the track team sounds incredible! *hi 5* I wish I was more athletic! *jealousness*

[kitkitkitty]

well at least you've got some important stuff lined up to keep your mind off things eh? i guess it was BECAUSE it was different that it's harder for you to get over it. and you'd also come out of a less-than-acceptable relationship so you were vunerable anyway. good luck.

[PixxiePop]

You're totally right. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I just need to figure out how to get past the missing him part.

and def. school is very important and I have decided it's time to seriously crack down. which is why my time with other people is limited. I think you are also right in the fact that it was different. Every relationship I have been in has been a bad one except for the beginning of the one with him. I was so used to being treated like crap I fell really fast for the one that was finally respecting me. Which also isn't very good because that probably put a lot of pressure on him. I honestly believe that there is a guy out there that will treat me with the respect I deserve for our entire relationship, not just the first few months. I don't believe that every man is like that. I just haven't had the best of luck so far. After all, if I had better luck, I would probably not be in college right now and be married with a child instead.

[kitkitkitty]

also bear in mind that if he cheated on you in any which way with this other chick... she now knows what he's capable of and that he could do EXACTLY the same to her. not an attractive quality.

[PixxiePop]

that's the thing, I don't really think she knows about me.....

[kitkitkitty]

well don't say anything to her, the truth will always come out. and however long it takes, karma will come back and bite him on the ass. revenge is always sweeter when you don't mean it to happen.

[PixxiePop]

I would never do that. I believe in karma as well, but I would never do that to him. Even though he really hurt me, I still care about him a lot. But I would never do anything to deliberately destroy his happiness. One day, he will figure it out. All of my exes have so far. I just hope when that day comes I will be strong enough to say too bad so sad.

[kitkitkitty]

you will don't you worry. give it some time and i'm sure you'll be a successful and independant woman, especially the way you're going. it's always harder to get over someone when you don't resent them but it'll definitely make you a stronger person.

[PixxiePop]

Thanks for your advice

[PixxiePop]

After hearing what I needed to yesterday, I had a very successful evening yesterday. After work I went out to see some friends I haven't seen in a while and had a good time. back-story:: I work at a hotel and he delivers for a pizza shop in town so its pretty much hard to avoid seeing him because he delivers here all the time. last night after I received all of this great advice one of those run-ins occurred. back to what i was saying:: after I left my friends house on my way home I just felt like I didn't want things to end this badly. Even though the failure of the relationship was his fault, it was mostly my fault that the friendship was ending. I couldn't let that happen. So, I texted him that I wish we could talk the way we used to before all of this and he said that he felt the same way. We ended up talking on the phone for a half hour ((his phone died or we probably would have gone on all night)). It was a really good conversation and it felt like it could be the beginning of the repair of our friendship. I know that I don't need him. I know that there is someone out there that will feel the exact same way about me that I will feel about them. I believe that entirely. I also believe that that person will never do anything that even has the possibility of hurting me. It just so happens that he was not that person. And yesterdays conversation really helped me come to that reality. Thanks again for all of your advice, it's really what I needed.