Advice on improving myself?

[JYH]

A little bit about me: i'm 18, male, just started college, love music, guitar, and video games. I've never really had a girlfriend before and I would really like to improve myself to help me in that area. I just dont know how to go about doing that, so any advice would be helpful.

- I have close to no self-confidence and self-esteem.
- I am extremely pessimistic and I over-think every single thing way way too much. - this makes me a horrible decision maker as well.
- im pretty positive i have some sort of social anxiety disorder - im normal with my friends but im really terrible at and hate meeting new people, icebreaker-type things, etc. and its really really hard to make new friends and "put myself out there."
- I keep stressing about trying to impress girls and whatnot. I've never had a girlfriend and I have a mindset that my life is just empty without one.
- Being addicted to video games is also a really big thing for me. For the past 8 years, I was/am an addictive gamer and its pretty much ruined my life. I'd play 5-10 hours a day minimum, and im guessing thats where my problems of social anxiety disorder, and having no self-confidence/esteem started up because I never did anything all throughout middle and high school except sit at home and play games all day which probably affected how I am today.

What can I do to change these things? I think the majority of all my problems is about my mind and my way of thinking, but I don't know what to do for that type of thing...maybe therapy?

[Rich]

Hi,
Firstly can I just say a masive well done for making an active decision to change and improve yourself, thats half the battle.
You can work on your self esteem and confidence by going to the gym, getting a job if you dont have one. A good tip for self esteem and thinking beter is keep your house/room tidy.
I've suggested this to a few people on here, but to get more confidence, as your out and about, just say 'hey' to people you pass in the street, or if you by something, say hi to the person infront of you in the line. You could also try having a conversation with whoever is on the checkout.
STOP trying to impress girls, it wont get you anywhere, get more confiidence first, then work on the girl. You'll find when you've got more confidence, the girls will come naturally (I've been there, trust me).
I dont know how to advise you on your game addiction, I spose getting a job might force you to cut down the hours you spend on them, or you could work up some timetable to say when your gonna let yourself go on the games, but that might be a bit hard (that never works for me lol).
Next time you start thinking about all the bad stuff again, seeing the negative side of something, just think, about all the stuff your doing to sort yourself out, you'll get a feeling of energy.


If I were you, I'd be feeling really excited now. You've taken the first step to becoming the best person you can be. Its going to take some time, but when you start to see the results, your going to feel great.Hope this helps, if you've got any more questions or worries, just ask on here, or I'll give you my Email if you want it

[Lipp]

Lay off the games entirely. Most things fall into place once you replace dead time with activities and social outings.

[Chlorine]

- no self-confidence and self-esteem..... pessimistic, horrible decision maker, social anxiety disorder - im really terrible at and hate......really really hard ..... keep stressing ........just empty.... ruined my life....problems of social anxiety disorder.....I never did anything all throughout middle and high school......

What can I do to change these things?

JYH-----Hello. Your paragraph is full of negative words. I was looking around for something positive but didn't see anything. Before you start worrying about impressing a girl, you need to start being nicer to yourself. Try and say something positive/nice about yourself to yourself. Do this everyday, for the rest of this week. See how you go from there.....

[Infern0]

A little bit about me: i'm 18, male, just started college, love music, guitar, and video games. I've never really had a girlfriend before and I would really like to improve myself to help me in that area. I just dont know how to go about doing that, so any advice would be helpful.

- I have close to no self-confidence and self-esteem.
- I am extremely pessimistic and I over-think every single thing way way too much. - this makes me a horrible decision maker as well.
- im pretty positive i have some sort of social anxiety disorder - im normal with my friends but im really terrible at and hate meeting new people, icebreaker-type things, etc. and its really really hard to make new friends and "put myself out there."
- I keep stressing about trying to impress girls and whatnot. I've never had a girlfriend and I have a mindset that my life is just empty without one.
- Being addicted to video games is also a really big thing for me. For the past 8 years, I was/am an addictive gamer and its pretty much ruined my life. I'd play 5-10 hours a day minimum, and im guessing thats where my problems of social anxiety disorder, and having no self-confidence/esteem started up because I never did anything all throughout middle and high school except sit at home and play games all day which probably affected how I am today.

What can I do to change these things? I think the majority of all my problems is about my mind and my way of thinking, but I don't know what to do for that type of thing...maybe therapy?

one suggestion i have.

start going to some boxing or kickboxing classes, these take up time, will get you into shape, and teach you discipline.

you will feel a LOT more confident after a few months of classes, i know i did.

you dont have to spar or fight if you dont want, just doing the training will help.

Video games are ok if you can control the time you spend on them, you seem to be unable to so in my opinion sell your games and get into some sports.

[EvanHadkins]

Hi JYH,

If you look at the people who fall in love (and not just in lust) it is not to do with achievement but vulnerability. You may want to do things differently for your own sake but it may not make much difference to people falling in love with you. Study who the people go after and it is surprising - it is not necessarily those who seem impressive.

As to mingling. Are there offline gaming meetings or something? Are there places where people get together to play guitar together? Are there small concerts where you can start exchanging comments with people nearby? (Start out with easy stuff like 'Wasn't that awesome? or That was sh*t wasn't it?" It is helpful to have a few standard questions in mind. Like the work they do, how they spend their time, if its an event who invited them and who they know. After this it is good to practise listening - if you learn to listen you'll likely never want for company.

If video games are an addiction. You can figure out what they give you and find another way to get this. It may just be a way to structure time, in which case anything else will pretty much work. If it is being good at something you will need to work slowly and gradually on something else (or lots of things) - I guess you must be remarkably good by now. If it is the intensity then you'll need to look around for something else with that kind of focus - it is hard to get this in the offline world.

Hope this is useful to you.

[JYH]

Thanks everyone. Lately I've been beginning to do a lot more things.... apart from the things I already mentioned, I have looked into/gotten interested in Vegas-type gambling games, pool (billards), airsoft, working out and also focusing more on school. The problem is though, is that video games is just more fun than all of those things which means you'll see me playing it over playing guitar or playing poker so its not just a thing I do when I have free time and have nothing better to do. I don't neglect my friends or anything so anytime they ask me to hang out or once in a while when I plan something, I go out. As for college clubs, there is nothing for any of the hobbies I do - not even video games or guitar. I'm not really into, comfortable with, or good at sports so I don't think I'd do more than just going to the gym and playing airsoft.

[Rich]

For a hobby, why dont you try writing computer games. I do that as a hobby, like programming them myself. It can be really rewarding, you're learning about some cool stuff, and its still games related.
If you decide you want to look into it, I'll Email you some information about it all if you'd like

[Spoonandfork]

the best way to go about improving yourself is to find things that interest you and pursue them. Avoid the mindset that you have to fall into a certain 'mold' to conform to your peers. For example, if you love science, music and sports, then be a nerdy jock that plays guitar. A big part of improving your confidence is finding something you want to become better at and pursuing it to that end. Also, stop playing video games. As hard as that sounds b/c you enjoy playing them and find solace in video games, you have to realize they will never love you back. If you want a girlfriend, then you need to broaden your social circle and put yourself into situations where you can meet girls. Video games aren't the answer

[uggboots uk]

i'm agree, i like reading books to enrich myself.

[YouAreBeautiful]

JYH, do you know if you are an introverted person or an extroverted person? There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with you first of all. Young boys, and even some females, commonly spend 5-10 hours a day playing video games. Perhaps you need to find a girl who likes video games? In the case that you are an introverted person, I would suggest online dating as the perfect solution to you. In college, it can be hard to meet people, especially you first year. While that is the best route to go, for an introverted person it may be too difficult. If that is the case, there are dating websites that cater to people with interests including video games. Look for a dating website based on your interests.
If you are uncertain about the idea of meeting people online, join a club or group around one of your interests. Perhaps there is a club for video gamers, or for something else that you like, a game, a sport, an activity, anything. Join the club, get to know the girls in the club. The truth is, you can't "impress" girls by pretending to be something else. Girls see right through that. Make sure you are authentic and yourself. Which I have no doubt that you are.

Social anxiety, as far is this is concerned, the perfect time to conquer it is now. I would suggest looking up some social anxiety forums online. Find a supportive online community. Buy a book about confidence, one about self esteem, reading can help a lot when it comes to dispelling myths. A lot of times people with social anxiety make assumptions that other people are thinking negatively about them when in reality this is not the case.

And seeking help or talking to someone is probably available for free to students at your school. If you have the courage I definitively suggest that as well. You sound like a perfectly, nice well-rounded guy. I suspect you think you are a little weirder than you actually are. I hope you soon realize that you are just fine!

[Liam_680]

its good to push yourself and go out and socialize. participating on more events as much as possible especially those that interests you such as your favorite sport or just volunteering to community acts will encourage you to speak up more and make friends to people who share the same interest. plus it is much easier to connect with people who likes doing the things you do too.

[meenakshijsr]

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