How to get my ex back?

[duran_ii]

My ex gf and I broke up about a week and a half ago after a 1 year relationship. Literally a day after our breakup, she enters into a rebound relationship with some guy. I know she's doing this because she doesn't want to deal with the pain of the breakup. I really want her back because I still love her, and I get the feeling she still loves me as well. We had a very loving relationship, but the both of us allowed our differences to tear a hole in our relationship. I have a strong feeling that her new date wasn't pre-arranged. We broke up briefly a few months ago after I dumped her. When we got back together, she admitted to me that she went on a blind date. I honestly believe it is the same situation again, except maybe this time, the guy caught her interest and knew how to take advantage of her vulnerability.

After our breakup, she wished me well and still wanted to talk to me. At first, I was enraged. A few days later, I sent her an email telling her that I forgave her and that I wished her well. She appreciated the email and told me that she missed me and missed talking with me.

After that, I had no contact with her until today. She texts me out of the blue telling me that she watched a movie last night that reminded her of me. It was a movie the two of us saw when we first got together. We had a friendly conversation afterwards.

So what should I do to get her back? I know that rebounds don't usually last long, but how can I position myself to get her back when it eventually fails? Should I keep myself relatively silent and just let her slowly talk more and more to me? Or should I take small bits of initiative?

Also, another thing I need advice on: Before we broke up, I promised her I would buy her a certain painting that she really liked. I'm going to try and find it and send it to her. Question is, how should I time it? Should I wait a month? Two? Or should I send it soon?

Any advice would be appreciated!!

[Jack Turley]

Hi duran_ii,

I feel the pain reading your thread.

But getting your ex back needs crucial steps. Relax yourself first and do some meditation(it might help you think more ways). Other than that, do you often contact her (email or text or phone)? If you do, I would suggest you should stop those for a while. We might think that's the right thing to do but maybe it's embarrassing to her and the reason she take a step further. Or maybe she just testing you out(your patience, your love, etc..)

Hope you would get your ex back and will pray for you.

[lembone]

My Man Duran,
First of all , i feel your pain Man and to tell you the truth, it's hard and Don't you dare think for a Second that she isn't thinking about you right now!!!!!! Because you know she is thinking about you!
Now the most important thing that i would be concentrating on is Getting your GIRL BACK MAN!!!!!!! I would do it! If You love her, then go GET HER MAN!!! DOn't listnen to anyone!! GO GET HER NOW..... Get in the car and go. this is not a joke!!! It's true love and she obviously believes that she still misses you so thats a sign. i have learned that in Plenty books and its True! Think about it, you are in a Relationship for a how year and your trying to tell me that since the break up, your not missing her and she is not Missing you? Come on!!!!! I'ts your Day .. I'm pushing for ya....

[duran_ii]

Thanks guys

To answer your question Jack, I don't contact her at all. Ever since we broke up, all I did was send her 1 email saying that I forgave her and wished her well. After that, not a word. She decided to reach out to me on her own yesterday. It hurts, but I've been trying to just focus on being a better man physically and mentally. I'd love to get in the car and go grab her lembone, but I think that would just push her away more. It would make me seem desperate, and given the fact that she's with a rebound guy at the moment, I don't think my efforts are going to overpower the honeymoon phase that's common in all new relationships.

Do you guys have any advice on the painting issue? I'm not sure if I should send it soon or wait a few weeks until the honeymoon phase of her rebound relationship is done. I'm definitely interested in ending this rebound prematurely, but if I try something too soon, I may end up making a fatal mistake. Then again, waiting for him to screw up may take a while, not sure if I have the patience to wait for what could potentially be months.

[mishal]

u dont have 2 get her back

if u was good with her she will back

[duran_ii]

Now I'm torn. Some of my female friends tell me I should send the promised painting in a month's time after the honeymoon haze has worn off. However, the other side of the fence says I shouldn't do anything at all. One of my female friends went into a rebound right after she broke up with her bf, and she was telling me that the painting was a good idea, as long as I wait a bit.

The painting seriously isn't a gift at all. I am doing it to stay true to my word. She knows me as a man who always keeps my word, and that was one of the reasons she fell in love with me in the first place, because I am a man of integrity. I want to rekindle that in her.

What do you guys think? I'm so confused, and quite frankly, a bit scared. I want her back, and at the same time, I don't want that guy to dig his claws in too deep, especially when she's expressed to me that she still thinks about me and misses me.

I can see the merit in both approaches. I just don't want the uncertainty...it sucks seeing her in the honeymoon phase with this guy right now.

[duran_ii]

She texted me again yesterday and then we spoke on the phone for like 30 minutes. It was a good conversation, we shared some laughs. She asked me why I decided to forgive her, and I told her "Because it was the right thing to do." I didn't sound needy or give her the impression that I was desperate to get her back. We talked about some old memories of ours, and it was fond for sure.

Towards the end of the call, she says she missed me and missed talking to me. She asked me, "Do you miss me?" And I gave her a pretty honest answer, I told her "I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't." She never talks about her current rebound guy at all. In fact, I suspect when she mentions a "friend" she is talking about him. Can't be sure. Even on facebook, she never mentions him directly at all. When we were in our relationship, she would always reference me in her status updates.

Afterwards, I manned up and told her (without sounding needy or like a little bitch) that now that we had moved on, I reflected on our relationship quite a bit. I realized that I did actually love her for who she is and I took her for granted (it was one of the reasons we broke up, she thought I didn't love her for who she is). I apologized once, and she was surprised. I said "I know it doesn't mean much now, but I just wanted you to know." She replied that "No, it means quite a bit actually."

Shortly after, to maintain control of the call and the situation, I told her I had to go out and that we'd talk soon. I ended the call on good terms.

I'm probably going to send her the painting in like 2 weeks. I'm sending it with no expectation at all to get back together. Just to keep an old promise.

What do you guys think about this situation? Is there hope to get back together? Or am I fooling myself?

[Petit Papillon]

Even if you two come back together,you will break up again. ESPECIALLY if you already broke once Look at healthy and normal relationships, do you see those couples break up every 5 months? No. Because normal people if they break up, they have a real reason for it and they do it once but for good.You already broke up once with her,leave it man.

[mike777]

why would you want to get back with her after shes already slept woth another guy? do ur self a favour and move on..

[duran_ii]

Even if you two come back together,you will break up again. ESPECIALLY if you already broke once Look at healthy and normal relationships, do you see those couples break up every 5 months? No. Because normal people if they break up, they have a real reason for it and they do it once but for good.You already broke up once with her,leave it man.

Normally I'd agree, but break ups change each individual. It's not always a bad thing. I have a friend of mine who broke up with her bf, went into 2 rebounds, and eventually got back together with her original ex. She got married last year and they're both extremely happy. Have another friend, same situation. You don't know what you have until you lose it, and that's my situation now.

The first breakup a few months ago wasn't really a "break up" in my standards. I "broke up" with her with every intention of getting back to her within a week's time, I just wanted her to reflect. This recent breakup I'd say is the real one. It has allowed me to reflect on my past mistakes and really motivated me to improve myself. I now know how to have a very good relationship if we get back together. But first, I need to secure that opportunity.

[duran_ii]

Update:

My ex called me again yesterday and we spoke for almost an hour and a half. We had friendly conversation, talking about our favorite show and sharing some laughs. Then she asks me, "Do you still think about me?" and I said yes. I asked her, and she said yes too. The conversation got kinda deep, with me expressing my feelings and telling her that I still cared for her very much. I told her that I couldn't be her friend, because I still had deep feelings for her and I didn't want to pretend to be something I'm not. She told me that she couldn't bear going to our old places with her "friends" (I think she's referring to her bf again) because it reminds her too much of me, gives her nostalgia. When I told her that I couldn't pretend to be her friend, she was like "Well, can't we still speak?" (almost in a pleading way). When I shared these things with her, she said, "My heart's confused, I'm in a bad spot. I'm involved with someone else, but I keep feeling this nostalgia. I don't know what you want me to do." She described her relationship with the other guy as "intense." When I told her the mistakes that led to us breaking up, she said "Where was this 3 weeks ago?" She sounded like she wished the situation could have been salvaged before this happened.

She claims she didn't hook up for the sake of hooking up, but I know a rebound when I see it. Getting into a relationship with a guy just mere days after our breakup is a rebound as far as I know. She's too proud to admit that she was in pain and needed comfort. In fact, I know she's bluffing because when we were going out, she'd always reference me on her Facebook status. She doesn't really mention anything about this guy. I know she's still deep in the honeymoon phase, and she never says "boyfriend" she always says "other guy" to me.

Anyway, she said she's used to being able to text and call me. She has been getting more determined in talking to me. In fact, we're meeting up on Friday to spend some time in person. One thing's for sure though, I am NOT going to be her emotional support if it comes down to it. I don't need to be doing the rebound's work. Only thing I'm going to be doing is showing her a good time and talking about old, fond memories of us (subtly of course).

What do you guys think? Do you thinik there's a strong possibility we'll eventually get back together once her honeymoon haze wears off and sees the guy's flaws? Or is this just a big waste of time?

[VincenzoG91]

You need to understand the real situation, because too many people are telling you what you want to hear. She didn't meet the rebound guy the day after you broke up. She was already interested in him, possibly already involved with him. And the reason why she is now showing some possible interest in getting back together with you is that the new guy isn't as great as she was hoping he would be. The "intense" relationship that she has with him is probably sexually intense, but otherwise not so great.

If you have any self-respect left, you will forget about her and move on. She isn't treating you with respect right now, she's trying to have it both ways: hot sex with the new guy and comfortable talks with you. The reasons for your breakup are still there, waiting to break you two up again and again, because neither of you have had enough time to change significantly. So just make a better choice and move on. Find a woman who wants you and only you, not you plus some other guy.

[duran_ii]

You need to understand the real situation, because too many people are telling you what you want to hear. She didn't meet the rebound guy the day after you broke up. She was already interested in him, possibly already involved with him. And the reason why she is now showing some possible interest in getting back together with you is that the new guy isn't as great as she was hoping he would be. The "intense" relationship that she has with him is probably sexually intense, but otherwise not so great.

If you have any self-respect left, you will forget about her and move on. She isn't treating you with respect right now, she's trying to have it both ways: hot sex with the new guy and comfortable talks with you. The reasons for your breakup are still there, waiting to break you two up again and again, because neither of you have had enough time to change significantly. So just make a better choice and move on. Find a woman who wants you and only you, not you plus some other guy.

She was perfectly honest with me, she had known him before. She didn't suddenly meet him at a club or something. However, I know for a fact that she wasn't involved with him before our break up. Reason I know this is because I still have access to her cell phone account. Out of sheer curiousity, I checked her usage activity. The days after our breakup, she had very frequent activity with a certain number (which I know is her rebound guy). Before our breakup, she rarely, if ever, had any activity with that number. I was her only guy when we were together. Just because she's in a rebound relationship doesn't mean I should automatically condemn her. People go into rebounds to cope with the pain. We've all been there.

You're correct, the reasons for our breakup are still there. However, it was mostly my fault that we broke up in the first place. I know what the issues are now, and I know how to fix them. I took her for granted and I didn't know what I had until I lost it. I'm not brooding over it though, I'm still living my life normally. I still hang out, exercise and everything. I'm not letting it get to me at all. I also am not providing her any emotional support, I'm just there as a friend. To be honest, I'm not hinging my life on the possibility that we'll get back together. It would simply just be icing on the cake.

I just want to maximize my chances. She's a great girl, and she's worth it in my opinion. I still love her, and I have no doubt in my mind that she still loves me as well.

[breacliff]

Thanks for sharing. Just like you, i have been experiencing that also. lol. Just think of this, God has the reason why it all happens.