I'm 25, he's 56...

[MissLadybug]

Let me be clear, I am NOT looking for a relationship with this man beyond a friendship. But I am getting to a point where I could use some perspective and I know nobody that can really provide that. That’s where you come in.

I met him at work 5 months ago. We hit it off instantly. Our first serious conversation we had was about what we want in our partner and we both established that we prefer someone our own age. Since that time, I can recall at least half a dozen times that he has made it clear to me that if we were the same age we would have hooked up. Granted, he is the definition of a ‘dirty old man’ and he says flirty and dirty things to all the women we work with (not in a sexual harassment kind of way mind you). So I have brushed a lot of this off as him being that guy. I feel it is probably important to note that I come from an 8 year career in a construction related field, so I am very used to dirty old men in my life, and have more than my fair share of male friends that are 40+. So he being a close friend to me is nothing out of the ordinary.

Now I have to admit that he has gotten in my head enough that if he were my age, I would have welcomed something with him. And I have told him that too. And I tend to ‘play the game’ and return his advances…largely because of my previous career forcing me to be ‘one of the guys’ and it was just how things were done. I am trying to keep it to a dull roar though, I really don’t want to lead him on. Most of the time I just keep my mouth shut and give him a laugh or a smile.

It’s not all a physical attraction with him though. He’s told me that he feels a kinship with me and that he thinks we are very mentally compatible. He tells me we could have been phenomenal together, as in a relationship, not just sex. I agree with him, and he knows it. He also knows I have no intentions of pursuing anything here. He has also given me the impression that he has somewhat paternal feelings towards me, and is slightly protective of me. He even volunteered himself to be transferred because they were after me and he knew I didn’t want to go.

He moved away a little over a month ago, but we talk on the phone about once a week, and often text in between this. I’ve told him that I will come out to visit him. It’s a little ways in the future, but I have every intention of doing so. However, I am afraid that spending that much time with him in a non-professional/public arena will make things go in a way they shouldn’t. He’ll tell me, “Don’t worry, I won’t forget the age difference” and, “I’ll be a perfect gentleman.” The fact that he feels he needs to constantly reassure me of these things makes me wonder now. He’s also told me in the same breath that we would be spending some time in the hot tub together.

So I’m just trying to figure out what his real motives are here…is he really just the friend that he claims to be, or is he somewhere else on this?

[shammi]

i think he might be gay

[MissLadybug]

Well, I didn't see that one coming, what makes you think that?

[MissLadybug]

Your story started innocent but at the end the hot tub changed all my view of it.

Yeah, that's about the same time it changed for me too. I have begun to try and put a little more distance in our friendship in hopes that things would cool off. I'd hate to lose him as a friend, but I'll not put down my guard just to keep him. I guess I'll have to make it clear again that I am not interested and see where that gets me.

[Boisdevie]

Massive age gap - will never work. Jeez I'm 46 and would not think about dating somebody so much younger.

[LailaK]

I think if any older man could get with a hot young woman they would.

Tread lightly, is my advice.

[shammi]

lets say you marry him, with in 14-15 years he will become really old and you will still be young. do you really want to be with someone like that?

[xxazurexx]

Sounds like a dirty old man to me, sorry.

[davidtorres]

wow are you ready to see and taste those old dirty balls? come on, hes trying to seduced you and your naively falling for it. lol

[Mish]

The fact that he feels he needs to constantly reassure me of these things makes me wonder now. He’s also told me in the same breath that we would be spending some time in the hot tub together.

So I’m just trying to figure out what his real motives are here…is he really just the friend that he claims to be, or is he somewhere else on this?

Hmmmm. That's a tought one to crack. The two of you, naked, in a hot tub, in his house, body parts touching each other's, everything getting wet.




No, I don't know what his intentions might be.

Maybe he is a hot tub salesman?

[Nimrod44]

"Granted, he is the definition of a ‘dirty old man’ and he says flirty and dirty things to all the women we work with (not in a sexual harassment kind of way mind you)."

- This does sound like sexual harassment to me. Saying dirty things to women at work is not appropriate.


"He’s told me that he feels a kinship with me and that he thinks we are very mentally compatible. He tells me we could have been phenomenal together, as in a relationship, not just sex."

- He's telling you what you want to hear. He's a player.


"I’ve told him that I will come out to visit him. It’s a little ways in the future, but I have every intention of doing so. "

- Big huge WHY if you have no intention of letting this get out of hand. You two alone ....


"He’s also told me in the same breath that we would be spending some time in the hot tub together."

- In a hot tub .. and what do you think will happen there? Friendly conversation? Doubt it. He's not a friend. He wants something more. If you go you will only be leading him on. If you do don't be surprised at the outcome. In addition, you still work for the same company. I wonder what he's telling his buddies about you. I'd bet he's telling some that he could bang you in a second and will prove it. Do you need rumors at work?

[Chlorine]

He moved away a little over a month ago, but we talk on the phone about once a week, and often text in between this. I’ve told him that I will come out to visit him. It’s a little ways in the future, but I have every intention of doing so. However, I am afraid that spending that much time with him in a non-professional/public arena will make things go in a way they shouldn’t. He’ll tell me, “Don’t worry, I won’t forget the age difference” and, “I’ll be a perfect gentleman.” The fact that he feels he needs to constantly reassure me of these things makes me wonder now. He’s also told me in the same breath that we would be spending some time in the hot tub together.

MissLadyBug-----He's told you straight that you guys are going to end up in a hot tub. That's clear that if you go and see him, he expects sex from you. He gets free sex from a youthful 25yr old - YOU. He doesn't see you as a friend. He's running circles around you.

Since he has moved away, it's easy to cut him off. Stop answering his phonecalls. Stop texting him. Drop this guy.

[weibin]

At least he's attractive to you, it is worthwhile to spend some time with him for fun. whenever he's got accident for his being old, you still have chance to date other guys with your being young.

[Ali-ninja91]

dont be daft, the girl aint stupid enough to touch a dirty old pervert.

In my experience you stay away from dirty perverts, girl do the right thing get a guy your own age.