What's wrong with me?

[Indestructible]

I've been crazy about a girl I've known since we were both kids. It started innocently enough; I was just a shy kid that developed a crush on a classmate. But as the years went on, I got to know her more and more. I still never really opened up to her, but there was something about her that drew me in. Not only did she always really cool, but she made me feel so good about myself, for some reason. I can't really explain it. For a little while, I thought she might've even briefly kinda liked me. Before I knew it, though, she had to move, and I didn't see her again for quite a while.

We got back in touch a few years ago, us now being young adults in college. I started getting my feelings back for her, though I kinda had to hold back because she was just getting out of a semi-lengthy relationship. Oddly enough, I became really confident in myself, that I could show her that I could be the kind of guy she wanted to be with. I'm not sure why, exactly; I mean, I had seen the guys she's been in relationships with, and frankly, I can't compare to them at all. Still, I really believed it could happen. I finally pulled the trigger but, surprise surprise, I dropped the ball with it a bit, and it ended up making things awkward between us. She never really gave me an answer, and ended up distancing herself from me; I backed off for a while.

Completely dumbfounded and rattled (because of how sure I was in myself), I couldn't accept defeat. I tried to get back in with her later on, and she kinda started talking to me again, but I put myself out there yet again (I even stupidly let on that I had liked her for a while), and I ended up with the same result -- no real answer, and no more friendship. This time, I backed off, and stayed away, crushed and confused. This all happened a couple of years ago. Which, honestly, is hard to believe, because it really feels like just yesterday I was making an ass out of myself to her...

Sad thing is, I've never been able to truly "get over" her. It hasn't been that bad for the last year or so; she'd cross my mind from time to time, but I was able to repress a lot of it alright. Recently, though, I (indirectly) found out she's been in a relationship for a few months, now, and I've just taken it really hard. I think of her much more frequently, now, and it's harder and harder to repress those thoughts.

I know how completely sick and twisted, and messed up it is for me to have so much trouble "getting over" a girl I never even dated in the first place. But it's hard, yanno? I've felt some kind of attachment to her, in one way or another, for most of my life. Probably 15+ years, altogether. That's a long time to "carry a torch" for someone... It's even more difficult, because I've never met another girl I've felt so strongly about. Worse yet, I've never met a girl that I've felt so confident around, even if it ended up being unfounded.

Hell, I just miss her... Even if we weren't "together", it was nice to at least be friends with her, and be around her. Sometimes I wish there could be another chance. I wish we could start fresh, on a clean slate, forget all the stupid awkward stuff I did... But I realize how unlikely that is... I realize there's probably no chance I'll ever even see her again, let alone have another chance with her. I wish I could at least make peace with her... Yanno, let her know how sorry I am for making such a mess of things for her and scaring her off the way I did...

I just don't get it. I don't understand why I even care so much about this girl. I don't understand why I've had these feelings for her for so long. I don't understand why I'm still tormenting myself with these feelings. I don't understand why I can't just let it go, once and for all. I mean... what is wrong with me?

[Mish]

Moving on is not easy that's probably why you are having a hard time, but I doubt there's anything wrong with you. You just need to go out and socialize a bit more, once you find another girl you will completely forget about this one.

[Indestructible]

I dunno... I mean, it's already been over two years, and I'm still struggling with these feelings. That doesn't exactly seem normal/ healthy, to me, and it worries me that I'm going to continue torturing myself with thoughts of her for years to come.