Weight issue

[rotsomega]

Hey all,
I am internally confused right now because I love my girlfriend but her weight is starting to affect our relationship. Let me explain before you come to the conclusion that I am being self-fish.

We have been dating for about two years now and are very close but I feel myself drifting apart. When I first met her she and I where both overweight but now I am starting to see how much my weight is affecting my health. I fear for her health and she has a family history of heart disease, diabetes, and many other health issues. Most of her family is also over weight as well. I for the past year have been trying to cut out a lot of the bad foods out of my diet but she keeps on bringing them bad foods home.I have also started to work out more often then once a month and she doesn't seem to even lift a finger. I have talked to her about her weight and how I am afraid for her health as well as mine. She gives me a lot of vague excuses for not wanting to get better including the good old one, "I rather die eating what I love then, living longer on things I don't like." In her case almost most of the foods she does like are bad foods like ho-hos. Lately her excess fat has killed my libido for her and I starting to not find her attractive. I don't want her to look like some beach bikini wearing person I just want her to be healthy both internally and externally. There are more issues I am having with our relationship but this seems to be a key one.

Am I just crazy or self-fish?

[tommylee]

Hey. You're not selfish at all. You're selfless in fact. You want nothing but good health to your girlfriend. That's really amazing. Talk to her about this. And explain your side and always remember that you must accept her for who and what she is. All you want to do is help her get a healthy diet and I can see nothing wrong with that. Good luck.

[vashti]

You aren't obligated to stay with a girl you don't find sexually attractive enough to have sex with. You aren't obligated to stay with a girl who neglects her health to the point where she is at high risk for diabetes (which will automatically makes her high risk for heart disease, renal disease, blindness, and amputations). You shouldn't feel bad about having standards. You are only dating - this is the time when you are supposed to make judgements about what kind of future you would like with a partner.

[sparkle_jello]

Well, in my opinion it is not selfish to dump someone if you are not attracted to them but that doesn't seem to be the issue, you are more worried about health. It doesn't sound like she has the same goals as you, and she may end up making it difficult for you to achieve your goal. In truth, this is how she's been so it's not her fault because this is how she was; however, with this lifestyle change you may want to find yourself a mate more in line with your new views. I wouldn't feel too bad for her though, she will find someone who better suits her.

[rotsomega]

Things have gotten a little better with our emotional connection but things are still not great. Last night I talked with her just about spending some close time together. She said she was to busy with homework, which I understood but it seemed like she couldn't even spar a break with me.

[cmacattack1]

It sounds like your effort to eat better and work out are strictly self motivated. Good for you, not many people have the initiative or willpower to do this on their own. However, if you are able to incorporate this into your relationship and make it something you do together, maybe you could build off this and make it a step forward. It might not be such a good thing to have somebody so dependent on somebody else to help themselves, but I'm trying to exercise all the options here. It can help you guys spend more time together and bond together doing something besides sitting around the house or whatever. Get gym memberships together and try and find times that fit for the both of you, make menus together of healthy foods for the week and even if you have to do the cooking and shopping, if she is working with you it will be worth it. At least to kick start it, maybe she will really take to it.

Having a healthy lifestyle is a big thing. To start and to be consistent with it. To make time for working out takes some rearranging of her time along with cooking good healthy things. Maybe you can help her try and shoulder this load by working as it as something together, but if she's flat out adamant against doing it, there isn't much you can do. Try everything you can, but if she is going to throw a fit about it and act like she's a victim to her genetic traits or something, you are going to have to tell her that it's interfering with your attraction to her.