feeling insecure...

[DivaAlec]

Hey guys,
So I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 months. There is a 20 year age difference between us, but we seem to be on the same maturity level and are into a lot of the same things so we it works for us. We have moved very fast, which I know isn't healthy, but we just had such a strong attraction to each other when we met that we almost couldn't help it. When we first started out, he was totally crazy about me. To the point that it actually overwhelmed me and I had to tell him to slow down a little. Anyway, he ended up giving me the key to his apartment and I spend most of my time over there, we are together everyday. Well now I almost feel like the tables have turned. He used to tell me all the time that he loves me, now I don't hear it as often, and he doesn't seem to make over me as much as he did. Things just seem a little different. I had written him a note Friday morning before I left his house (he was already at work) telling him how I felt and asking him if he was losing his feelings for me and if he needed some space. He texted me that afternoon telling me he still felt the same and that I shouldn't think any different. We had a great night together and everything felt fine. The next night we went out to a bar, and again I was starting to feel insecure about things. So, when we were in bed that night I brought it up again, he said everything was fine between us, that we don't have to tell each other how much we love each other 24 hours a day and that he wants me to relax a little more. He told me that he will tell me if he loses interest or isn't happy anymore. I understand what he is saying, and I understand that when you move as quickly as we have, that things kind of go into comfortable, relationship mode and that the honeymoon part of it ends faster. We do have plans to go spend 3 days at the beach together next week, and we are already making plans for Thanksgiving, I feel he wouldn't talk about future things with me if he didn't intend to be with me in the future. So part of me is just wondering if he has gotten comfortable with things and feels secure in my feelings for him now. But I also wonder if he is in truth tired of me and needs a break, just a few days or something. I don't really know what to do or what to think, we both want the same thing and I do really love him. I feel that I have put it out there and given him the chance to go if he wants, and that maybe I should just trust what he is saying and be cool with it. So, what do you guys think? Anyone dealt with something like this before?

[girl68]

He may love you the same but he's no longer showing it.

[crazgirl]

wow..I can't believe that I find somebody in exactly the same shoe as me, except that my bf don't give me his house key

From what I experience is that guys normally are not into emotional stuff, especially if your bf is much older than you, mine is close to 30 years of difference in age, but same interest and habit and everything.

You should just trust what he said, unless he cheated on you then it is different.

I know it is no easy job,but it is easier if you just trust him and see how things work out.

[girl68]

I had a guy who got comfortable like what you ladies are describing and I dumped him. Sure, its nice to be comfortable in your relationship but getting comfortabledoesn't mean that any partner should just expect the other to just "know" they love you. Love is shown, love is reciprocated, it is not assumed.

[crazgirl]

I don't know why guys get so comfortable easily. same as my partner.
We have been seeing each other for 2 months.
during the 1st month, he is really into seeing me close to every night and enjoying the weekend together, camping or bushwalking.
But nowadays, he is just different.
It's really hard to get him to meet me at night, or just to take him out during the weekend.
Sometimes I wanna dump him, but every time I see him, that kind of determination just fly off.
Don't know what to do..

[kitkitkitty]

i think it's cos they assume that because they've showered you with love in the beginning that it can make up for any future time where they don't which is wrong. after 2 1/2 months i don't think i could deal with it easily.

[Reizach]

I hear about this all the time from the wives of my friends, and it seems to be the most common complaint I can think of offhand. "He just wants to relax." or "We never make plans to go do things anymore..." or the dreaded, "It just doesn't feel like he is there all the way anymore..."

In addition to this, from the perspective of a guy at least (Being me), it seems from your story that it was so very passionate in the beginning, exciting, new, loving, tender, maybe even a lil wild. For a guy when a relationship fires up this hot and fast it can just as easily die cold and distant, because I think us guys often confuse passionate lust with love. At least thats a mistake I have made myself on more than one occasion...stupid me! I don't have a right answerfor you, but I can make a pretty good guess at what is going on inside his head, and that is...he is shutting down. He still deeply cares, but that passionate lust is fading, and it needs to be replaced with something.

Im not saying your guys relationship is doomed or anything, so please don't get me wrong, but what you guys need is a lot of conversation. Not about heavy stuff, buts lots of shootin the sh...breeze. Maybe you can stir up something even more powerful than passionate lust, and a whole lot more rewarding...love. And if you guys find it hard to spend time just talking and enjoying each others company, well then...maybe a good hard look at why you guys are together in the first place. I hope this guy opinion helps a lil.

[crazgirl]

That's what I perceive too. I enjoy being with him, hoping he feels the same.

I always try to stir up conversation outside everyday life like what's hot on news or some events.
I'm planning to ask what is wrong with him, and whether his hobby is more important than me.
But then I'm scared it may sound too harsh and selfish.

What do you guys think?

[Reizach]

NEVER, EVER, feel that you should hold back saying what you feel. Holding something in like that is so much more painful and destructive than letting it out. Its like a slow rot from the inside that makes every thought sour, every action bitter. No, do not think of it as selfish, think of it as I want what I deserve...attention and understanding, and that only comes from a good old fashion talk!

For you crazgirl, because of your age difference, keeping a good conversation might be a lil tough. I mean you might have totally different intrests in conversation, but I don't know for sure.

[xxazurexx]

Well if he aint showing love after 2 months, imagine what he's gonna be like after 2 years.

He's taking you for granted. Thinks he doesn't have to 'work' for you anymore.

Obviously he's not that highly clued in regard to women and men like him are the No.1 reason why women have affairs.