My worst nightmare

[StillInShock]

She was the sweetest girl I ever knew, and we had a beautiful relationship. I loved how kind and unassuming she was. She avoided confrontation and always put others before her. After my father died from drugs, she made my life worth living again. She was a virgin and didn't smoke, do drugs, or even curse. She was soft and delicate; a breathtaking model from Puerto Rico who taught little kids how to dance. She said I was the perfect guy for her. At last, here was someone in my cold world who wasn't corrupted. I considered her my angel, and I adored her innocence. That innocence was largely a product of her strict Christian upbringing, which tragically came with side effects. Because her parents were so strict and didn't let her develop on her own, she had very low self-esteem and other emotional problems. Our relationship didn't last because she couldn't handle being treated with dignity, and she soon gravitated to an abusive coward. He cheated, hit her, put her in the hospital, made her sleep on the couch, locked her out in the rain, and even forced himself on her to take her virginity. She was miserable, but she stayed with him.

Whenever I tried talking to her, I could never get through to her. She'd tell me things like she used to be afraid of him, but he's changed so I shouldn't worry. Then he'd do something worse than before. This went on for over two years. Her parents cut her off, which drew her even closer to him. Her sister told me he did everything to her except kill her, and if she stayed with him much longer, he would kill her. To be sure, I was in love with her and wanted to show her a better way. But most of all, I was worried about her. I pleaded with her friends and family to stay positive and support her, because otherwise she'd never leave. I even spoke with the church and asked them to pray for her.

Meanwhile, I wanted to kill this guy myself. Of course, I knew actually killing him would only make things worse for everyone. But the situation was very serious and I didn't know how much her life was being threatened. It felt like he was pointing a gun at her and she was insisting, "No, don't do anything. He's not going to shoot me." I managed to stay optimistic enough to avoid doing anything drastic, but my presence in her life and the way she always spoke so highly of me intimidated him. He actually challenged me to a fight. His stipulation was that if I won, he would break up with her for good. But if I lost, I would have to leave both of them alone forever. I could not believe his audacity, but I quickly accepted before he had second thoughts. We arranged to have a legitimate fighting contest during a local wrestling show at a high school gym, as we both knew the promoter. There would be a referee, and the terms would be bound by contract. As ridiculous as this all was, I was desperate to help her and to hurt him. I saw this as my opportunity to do both. Besides, I knew I could kick this punk's ass.

The night of the fight, he pulled a swerve. We were backstage at the show, but kept separated. He came out to the ring alone and said something like, "I'm going to make this easy for you. You won't be fighting me tonight. You'll be fighting my girl. Think you can handle her? Don't choke!" and laughed maniacally. I was mad he was trying to back out, and I also knew there was no way I could hurt her. He was trying to force me into his usual position -- being the aggressor against her -- by using the opportunity to save her as bait. I was about to leave in disgust, when she came over to where I was backstage. She told me she couldn't believe he was doing this, but we should just do it because she "really wants this to be over." She was acting very disgusted with him, and hinted that she wanted to use this as a way to finally leave him. Long story short, she talked me into having the match with her. I'm about 6' and 175 pounds; she's 5'5" and 130 pounds. I figured if anything, I could just overpower her and win quickly without causing any pain. So, it was on. Me versus her with the same stipulations.

She didn't do much in the ring. She was acting very tentative and nervous, as I expected she would be. I wanted to finish it as fast as I could. I carefully took her down to the mat and tried to pin her shoulders. She successfully wiggled her way out, which surprised me a little since I thought she wanted to lose. Trying to keep my focus, I stayed on her and kept trying to hold her shoulders down. Every time, she defiantly raised her arm up. Frustrated, I grabbed it and put her in an armbar. I applied just enough pressure for her to know I had her. She struggled, but was unable to free herself. I was praying she'd realize defeat and give up. I think she was shocked at what I was doing, and she screamed. The dude, whom I was trying to ignore but had been outside the ring the whole match, jumped on the apron and yelled at the referee: "He's hurting her! He's hurting her!" I wasn't hurting her. But I wanted badly to hurt him. So I let go of my hold and charged at him. He immediately jumped down, and we started arguing while the referee tried stopping me from going after him. For those few seconds, my back was turned to her.

That's when it happened.

She snuck up from behind me, and in one motion she wrapped her right arm around my neck while locking it into her left arm, which she pressed against the back of my head. As she did this, she screamed "Toma!" with a Spanish accent (which roughly translates to "Take that!"). I instinctively coughed and gasped for air, and she offered a sympathetic "Awwww," as she tightened her grip. For someone so concerned, she was determined to keep me trapped. She also seemed to be having fun all of a sudden. The dude was holding his own hands to his neck and making mocking gestures. The inside of her arm was pressed firmly against my throat, and I realized I was in trouble. She confidently proclaimed in my ear: "It's over."

Being much bigger than her, I still believed I could use my size advantage against her. I convinced myself there was no way her little arm could take me out. Any size advantage I had, however, was neutralized when she rather easily pulled us both to the mat and wrapped her legs around me. I was officially stuck. Judging by her technique, I could tell I was set up. She knew exactly what she was doing the whole time. Smiling, she affirmed: "I told you it was over." She was now using her whole body to increase her leverage over me. Despite my initial reaction, I could breathe air into my lungs; but I felt myself fading nonetheless. I put my hands on her arm and tried desperately to pry her off me. She wouldn't budge. I was only trying to help you, I thought. What are you doing?

"Dude, you're not going to escape. Just tap out and I'll let you go," she said authoritatively.

I could smell her perfume. She smelled so sweet. Her arm even felt so soft against my hands trying to take it off my throat. She had these cute hairs on her arm that shifted back and forth as I ran my hand along it. Even as she was brutally strangling me, she was angelic. This was a tragedy. By this time, I fully accepted that I was moments away from passing out. I knew if I did, I was leaving myself open to cheap shots from her man. So I tapped her arm three times in defeat. The referee called for the bell, and the kids in the crowd were cheering and laughing. She released the hold, and the two of them celebrated over me with a kiss. I was beyond humiliated as they danced off into the sunset together.

The next day, she uploaded victory pictures to her Facebook page that included one with her making a pouty face and the caption: "Whats wrong? Couldn't escape my wittle hold?! Hehehehe" A few of her friends "liked" it and some even went as far as making laudatory comments. I promptly upheld my end of the deal, and deleted her... from my friends list, and from my life. Maybe it's for the better, but I doubt I'll ever get over this whole nightmare.

[kirbkirb]

WOW. I don't have any idea what to say to you but WOW

[DerekColors]

Sounds Fake

[just-me]

I'm speechless!

[kirbkirb]

Well even if its fake that was one heck of a read.

[StillInShock]

I wish I could say it was fake, but unfortunately this is something that I continue to deal with. It pains me to say this, but somehow I think I still love her. Or at least, I love the person I once knew. The person she's become is a stranger to me in more ways than one. It's like she's been brainwashed or put under some kind of spell. Even if she snapped out of it and our ridiculous contract were somehow voided, I don't think I could be with her. But I care about her and want her to be doing well. After what happened, I almost feel guilty about feeling that way. My last experience with her, after all, involved her making me stare at a ceiling fan with my eyes feeling like they were about to pop out of my head.

What makes matters worse is that I'm still in touch with her sister and the mutual friend who'd introduced us, and they tell me things. Her sister has been extremely apologetic about the situation. She genuinely wanted me to win that match. Her sister told me the girl has been training in mixed martial arts, which was apparent to me from her choke technique. It's not clear whether she decided to train after being physically abused by her boyfriend, but he obviously used her training to their advantage at my expense. The sister insists that the boyfriend put her up to the whole thing and she complied out of fear. Even if that's true, she went along with it and seems proud of what she did. What I found most interesting was that she assured me the girl used a choke because she didn't want to risk injuring me with another hold. I found that hard to believe. If she had that much compassion for me, she wouldn't have done what she did at all.

The mutual friend told me something completely different. She said the girl did that to me because she was "tired of being told what's right for her" and wanted to set an example. Apparently she's cut off most of her real friends who've shown concern (though I'm probably the only one she choked). When I told her the claim about not wanting to injure me, she said: "She's full of it. She told me, 'Yeah, I could beat him with an armlock or leglock, but I'm just gonna choke him out. It'll be easier, and it'll be fun when he's struggling and realizes he has to tap out or I'll put him to sleep.' I told her how sick she sounded, and she just put this really big smile on her face." So, apparently our mutual friend knew of the plan beforehand but didn't say anything to me.

She also told me that the girl has this inside joke now where if someone coughs, she holds her arm out like she's wrapping it around an imaginary neck and says, "Choke on arm, bitch!" This is a reference to my (dramatic?) reaction when she surprised me with her choke. Apparently her new friends all started doing it. When I asked the sister about it, she said the mutual friend has laughed at the joke and was even caught doing it once. I feel somewhat betrayed by the mutual friend, though I guess I shouldn't be surprised because she knew her first. Still, if she really cared about her she wouldn't look at this as picking sides between me and her. She'd be supportive of her friend's situation without validating her destructive behavior.

Perhaps I should just cease contact with everyone associated with her, and pretend I never knew her or anyone that knows her. But that's so hard to do. I want to know the person I once considered my angel is OK, even if I won't be a part of her life anymore.

[StillInShock]

The saga continues... (At this point, this thread has become my journal of sorts for this bizarre situation. Relaying it in a public forum has helped me cope since I'm not able to speak to many about this personally.)

She texted me out the blue. I admit to still having her in my contacts, so her name came up on my phone. The strange thing is she was acting like she didn't know who I was, which would suggest she deleted me from her phone book... yet somehow she still had my number. Either she saw the number in her history somewhere, or it was written down and she forgot whose it was. Or maybe she just wanted an excuse to communicate with me. Anyway, here's the convo:

Her: Who's this?
Me: The guy with the neck you wrapped your arm around.
Her: Sorry
Me: Are you apologizing for what you did?
Her: Sorry for texting you...
Me: You should be thanking me for turning my back to you.
Her: I knew you would. I was pretending to be weak to build your confidence
Me: Maybe I could break free but tapped out to build your self-esteem.
Her: No. You couldn't "break free".. You were being choked out. If you didn't tap, you would have passed out.
Her: Look, I'm just being honest...

I didn't respond after that.

[MerryH]

I, for one, am enjoying the saga, so I hope you continue to post more things that never happened.

[StillInShock]

I, for one, am enjoying the saga, so I hope you continue to post more things that never happened.

I guess that's the joke here, and I can appreciate that because of how crazy it seems, but I'm also somewhat bothered by that. I'm suffering from posttraumatic stress over this, and like I said I can't really talk about this with many people. The reaction is expected, as I'm sure it makes people uncomfortable to consider that something like this could happen. And yes, you're entitled because I chose to put it out there in a public forum. But I guess I'm just asking for a little more sensitivity.

[Boscher]

You've got to let this one go.

She's clearly a glutton for punishment. Let her be with the asshole, however hard it might be - one day she may have regrets but then it will be up to her to make it up to you. You've done nothing wrong.

Cease all contact - See your friends and family more and keep active. Try and smile and laugh once a day my friend. It gets easier.

[StillInShock]

Believe me, I'm not trying to get her back. I'm just in a perpetual state of disbelief over the whole situation. I can identify with those doubting its veracity, because I too wish it never happened. It would be much easier to deal with that way. My rational side appreciates the need to let go, but reality is never that objective. I keep having these slow motion flashbacks: I'm standing there, completely vulnerable, her arm suddenly entering my view and eventually securing my neck. As it plays back in my mind, I'm thinking You idiot! Do something to stop it!

That moment is symbolic, I think, because it represents the definitive turning point. Before then, I saw her as this sweet, beautiful, innocent girl who looked up to me and adored me. I was convinced that while she may have been temporarily misguided, I still "had her." That's why I felt safe letting my guard down at that moment. Of course, she preyed on that false sense of security and revealed herself as this conniving, cold-hearted person who doesn't seem to care about me. To have that unfold so quickly, and under those circumstances, was very traumatizing. I don't want to paint myself as the victim here, because I still believe she occupies that role, but it's tough. Even the way she spoke to me during the choke was different. She always used to be so unassuming and deferential. She called me "dude" for the first time while she was choking me out. I remember it because I was always "papi" or other endearing names to her. Sternly commanding me to give up while calling me "dude" with such a detached tone of voice was a sharp departure from how she was and further cemented her shocking transformation.

Then I have the thoughts that I shouldn't have tapped out. Okay, I shouldn't have allowed myself to be in that situation to begin with. It was obviously a trap from the beginning, and I should have seen that. But when she did apply the choke, I should have done more to fight it off. What if I just hung on and kept trying to move her arm? I also don't know what to make of her considering using a different hold. I guess I should be grateful she didn't, because there was no real physical pain. But I just know if she thought something else was easier to pull off, she'd have opted for it. What if she applied excrutiating pressure to my arm or leg and insisted that if I didn't tap out she would break it? These are the questions that haunt me.

I know, I'm not supposed to think about it. Aside from the trauma I'm still in, I can't help but feel like people don't fundamentally change overnight. I also believe she was sincere with who she was before, meaning that amazing person I once knew isn't completely gone. It isn't about wanting her back, but hoping there's still hope for her. Whatever happened between her and me, the fact remains that someone who meant the world to me is involved in a very dangerous relationship. Maybe feeling bad is justified by that alone. There's also the issue that our lives are very much intertwined. We know many of the same people. So even if I wanted to, I couldn't easily remove all traces of her from my life. Unfortunately, some of the people we both know -- especially the ones who knew her first -- seem impressed that she was able to pull that off more than anything.

Seeing pictures like this does not help my healing process, but I'll get there:

[DerekColors]

LOL. He actually has a picture of a girl in a choke hold for his story

[StillInShock]

Yeah. That's a picture that showed up in my news feed on Facebook. I won't say who the girl being "choked" is, but there's a reason they posed like that.

[Gratedwasabi]

If this story is true; it's called a set up. You got used. And the people you think are your friends are using you as the funniest punch line they've ever heard every time they see/talk to you.

The fact that you still talk about her so sweetly is utterly disgusting if this story is true. It's like having someone cut off your ***** and then telling them how much you love them. Either fake or you got played because you were and still are obsessed with her. And if that's her in the photo, she looks happy as hell and perfectly healthy. If I were you I'd cut off all communication with those people and move, unless you enjoy being a joke to all your "friends."

I do believe the possibility of a 130 pound woman choking you out, though, the rear naked choke is effective if you aren't prepared to fight it; you've got about 5 seconds to fend it off and you're too woozy to offer much resistance.

That part isn't even that embarrassing (okay, it's pretty embarrassing) the bad part is you seem to have not realized you were being played (most likely the entire time since you met her) and kept up with these "mutual friends" who surely laugh their asses off once you're outta sight. She's sick, dude, you were a toy.

The part that makes me most believe this is fake is the part where he yelled you were hurting her and you went after him through the ring. And how you thought you were going to beat this guy up and couldn't pin a small woman. And how you knew how to execute an arm hold but not break a 130 pound woman's choke hold. And why, oh god why, would you put a woman in an armbar? An "angelic woman" you loved so deeply? You were able to get her in an armbar easily but not pin her arms and hold her down? Mmkay.

[ammi00]

Gratedwasabi, don't bother with the trolls