need some advices

[dinky]

well... i have been in a "perfect" relationship for the past 4 years.. now recently it seems to bee falling apart... why? my boyfriend has lost his "self", he has been unemployed for a long time and it is driving him nuts, he does not know anymore who he is or what he wants. but I still love him, endlessly! I want to make this work for us. we broke up for about a week,, that week,,, if I left the house,, he called me,, sent me meaningless text messages and the night we were about to go partying ,, that he wanted us to do together he suddenly did not want to go out but wanted us to have a romantic evening at home..

when we were breaking up i wanted him to give us a chance but he did not want to, then after that week HE wanted to give this a chance.. just take things slowly and see how it would go. and I said yes.. because that was what I wanted to do..
but what can I do to help us make it work?? what can I do to help him with his issues and help this relationship work? what can I do to help him see that what we have is really good, and rare,, and not worth loosing when he feels like he is loosing him self.

he is not only my boyfriend,, he is me best friend and I am his best friend.. when we were breaking up he said that I was the best friend he would ever imagine and he did not want to loose that.

what can I do?

[kitkitkitty]

is he doing all he can to find a job? trying a bit harder may make everything fall into place. i think that it may be that your relationship isn't falling apart but just changing because you've been together for a long time. why exactly did you break up? did you sort out the problems during your week apart?

[dinky]

he is trying really hard to find a job, but nothing seems to be working

he wanted some alone time,, to find himself.... during that week we spent every single day together... and we talked alot but maybe not sort all our problems,, I went away this summer because I got a summer job far away from our home, and he said that our relationship just wasn't the same as it used to be, but then things got better but... I feel like there is something missing from his side...

[kitkitkitty]

it may have been the distance that killed it. how long were you away for? did he have problems with insecurities?
i think it was a bit silly to, whilst he 'finds himself' to see him every day, y'know? if you need to, spend a week apart with little to no contact to let him think, and to let yourself think and relax too. then see where it all ends up.

[dinky]

he's actually helping his aunt now on the other side of the country so he's not at home for about 10 days... i hope that time will do some good for him,,, i was away from him for 3 months ... he is a little insecure yes.

[dinky]

well.. I'm 99% sure that when he comes back from his aunt this will all be over, found out today that he is apartment searching... so when he comes back in 2 days ...

the problem is.. how am I going to stay strong? how am I supposed to act when he comes back? he does not know that I found out about that apartment so...

well... I think I have to buy some more tissue... because the next few days will probably be really hard

[kitkitkitty]

i know it sounds harsh but at least you know what may be coming. when he comes to talk, ask him all of the questions that have been going round in your head so at least you get some closure. do any of your close friends know about this situation? talk to them as much as you need to. it sounds silly but try not to think about it too much while you're waiting for him to come back. meet up with friends and go out. and things always get better, even if they don't seem to at first.