Unrealistic to hope to be friends? Should I tell her?

[JELEF]

I met a French girl on holiday two months ago, spent a weekend together, got on really well, slept together on the last night, kept in contact almost daily for two weeks, then less often after that. She had feelings for me but I felt more certain of my feelings for her and she knew it. I didn't tell her I love her or anything, but wanting to fly back out to travel with her sent the wrong impression. I think she thought I wanted to run off and marry her. I thought of it as something I've never done before but it's only money. Nothing that can't be replaced. If it works, great, if not, that's life--we tried.

After we talked about the trip things went downhill quickly. She said things were moving too fast and she doesn't know what she wants and couldn't committ to someone who lived 9 hours away. I understand, though at the time it didn't seem so crazy to me. We had a long emotional conversation which was basically a kiss off. The 3 weeks after we spoke briefly (Facebook messages and a chat here and there) and I tried to explain that I had misunderstood everything and wanted to take steps back and slow down. She was happy to hear what I was saying and I think we would've been on good terms, in other words, meet for a tea during a layover, go to the Louvre when I move next year.

Well, I kind of bodgered all of that. I thought the sad things she had posted on Facebook the next week were about me. She's essentially ignored me on Facebook. I told her that I didn't mean to make her sad and that I do like her. Kind of seemed too intense for a guy who said lets take steps back. It's been two weeks and there's been no contact whatsoever.

A few days after that kiss off conversation she met a guy and really fancies him. I didn't realize this until last week though. So now I look like such a fool for thinking she was talking about me on her Facebook.

So, I want to be friends with her, even if we're only ever just friends. I've got feelings for her now, but all of my best friends have come out of similar situations. I don't know if I should just leave her alone entirely--no contact at all--and see if she ever contacts me. I want to leave her alone and respect the fact that she's dating someone. I'm happy she's happy. But my fear is that if I don't contact her at all or try to tell her that I'd like to be friends she'll be left with bad memories of me and think I'm still into her. ...or if she cared about me in any way and wanted to be friends, she'd eventually contact me, even if she thought I still fancied her?

Maybe I'm just being a complete idiot about all of this and any normal person would've left it alone. I've had it away with random girls I've never seen again and have had holiday romances, but I've never slept with someone I wasn't dating or really felt passionately about. I can't discount the possibility that I've confused both my brain and heart.

[breacliff]

yah, you have to tell her. thanks for sharing