She's watching photos from our past...

[just-me]

The update:

I gave up on her. Whatever her real reason for breakup was, she is in LDR now and obviously she has no time to miss me because she misses this other guy. It's been almost two months and I'm probably just a distant memory by now. She's becoming a distant memory too. It's not hurting that bad anymore although I still miss the life we had together and I still think about her every day. I saw her few times, first time we talked about break up and she was pretty clear that she doesn't want to get back together. She's still showing some signs of interest though. She invited me for the dinner and we cooked together, she seemed pretty excited about it but when I asked her how it feels doing all this together just like we used to do before she said it feels normal. Then we went to the gym, I drove the car that used to be mine and when I asked her she said she still loves driving with me in the car. I offered her a joyride after gym, again she was all excited, we used to do it all the time, but this time I turned her down and said I didn't feel like it. While we were driving in a car I played a song that gave me strength to carry on and I told her that. I told her that this song helped me a lot and almost made me hate her (apocaliptica - I don' care). Few days ago I saw her walking to the bus station and I stopped to say hi. She had headphones on and when she disconnected them the same song was playing on her phone. I made a comment "it's a nice song" and she agreed. She never mirrored me in the past and I was surprised that she did this time. or maybe she just liked the song. She asked me to give her a ride to work but I declined saying I was busy as I really was going somewhere.

She calls me once in a while, never to ask how I am but always with some question about something. It annoys me sometimes because I told her not to call me only when she needs something. Few times she asked about something and said she'll call me later about it (like when she messed up her phone and asked me if I had a spare phone for her) and then she never calls. Dunno, sometimes it feels like she's either playing a game or just wants to keep in touch from time to time to keep me reminded of her. It's not working though because even when I saw her last time it didn't mess me up. She seems like a different person, over tanned, fake and I hate fake people. I always loved her because she was so simple and down to earth. I guess her new lifestyle required her to change. She asked me if I have a girlfriend which was insulting because she knows that I don't have that many friends, I always tried to spend time with her rather than going out with friends and now it;s very hard to bounce back. I didn't give her a straight answer though, let her wonder. She also bragged how she's going to travel a lot (I guess to be with her bf because he's an actor and travels a lot) but so far she went only once to see him. It seems like she was trying to make me jealous. The way she behaves will make me cut off all contact with her for good. I don't understand why she's being like this, I'd been always good to her and she has no reason to try to hurt me.

I don't even want her back anymore. If she came around I'd probably consider taking her back but it's more because I'm so lonely now. I'm one of those guys who doesn't make friends easily even though everybody agrees that I'm a nice guy. I have friends to go out on saturdays, I met some new people but my progress is very slow. Sundays are my lonely days, I take walks in the city alone, go to book stores, coffee shops, I feel good being surrounded by people but I'm not very good at approaching them. Weekdays are boring because I work nights and I work alone. Definitely need to change a job. I need to start dating but it's been so long that I have no idea what and how to do it. There is not even a remote possibility for me to find someone anytime soon. and I need somebody. it doesn't have to be anything serious but at least something to boost my self esteem which is at its lowest point in years. I have feeling that I'll be alone for a very long time and I'm slowly accepting it. I'm not depressed but I just feel numb, unable and unwilling to move. On top of that I have serious issues that need to be resolved in next year and I just don't care about it anymore. I'm on auto pilot, living day by day, making myself do things even though I don't wanna do anything. Future seems gloomy. Just two months ago I had completely different outlook, I had plans for the future, things I was working on, we were supposed to have a vacation around now. and the person who did all this to me is having the time of her life.

[Agape]

1) Ever went through you gf's text messages? Most people did at some point, I don't think it's sick, maybe just a little on extreme side. 2) I've never done it myself because I trusted her. At least not until now. 3) Why get over if there is still a chance?
4) Maybe it was a little extreme of me but I had this suspicion and wanted to know. 5) Turns out I was right, she's not as cold and senseless as she appears to be. Having some feelings is better than no feelings at all.

1) No . . . would you like her to go through yours?
2) You never did because you trusted her . . .do you trust her now? . . .and if you actually trusted her then why did you do it?
3) a relationship needs trust, else it's going to fail
4) So you found out, but does that matter? . . . don't be suspicious in a loving relationship
5) Sure, she's okay but you still didn't respect her privacy

What's going to happen latter on if things get serious and you suspect something?

-

ah well, it seems things are over.

[just-me]

as I said, while we were together I never checked her messages because I trusted her. Maybe I should have, because at least I would've been prepared for what's coming. I checked her messages only after she broke my trust. I even told her that last time we spoke, she was shocked but understanding. After all, she was the one who started messing with somebody else behind my back.
What I found out does matter. It's helping me get over because her vague explanation of "not feeling the same" was simply not enough.
Also things were very serious between us and I had zero suspicion. She was never looking for someone else and it seems that this guy was just at the right moment in the right place. Just for the record, she was going out without me whenever she wanted for 5 years and I'm very sure she never cheated.

[ecenur]

cant blame her . your not obsessed.