lonely

[mary-87-]

I feel really depressed and lonely because I really want the "right" man for me to share my life with. I try really hard not to seem so desperate. I really dont know what to do. If I could get a male's percpective on this that would be great. (by the way I have tried the dating site and hasn't worked). Waiting for the right guy just seems so long and unbearable please help!!

[cmacattack1]

Being a person who has been single for a year, with no more than a couple dates sporadically throughout, I can certainly understand where you are coming from. It's not easy to stay focused and positive and motivated to tackle the dating scene the longer time drags on without much success. You start to question your approach, wondering what is wrong with you, maybe wondering if your standards are too high, if you are ready, etc. etc. And it's true, your standards go down as time goes on. All you can really do is focus on what you can control: which is your job/school and doing well in that getting good grades and promotions, your health like working out and eating right, and doing things that make you happy. Also, you can sit around and wait for people to come to you, or you can put yourself into situations where you can meet new people and maybe take a little bit of the initiative. If you like somebody, maybe give them your number instead of waiting for them to get it from you. Success rate with special relationships are low, especially from a guy's point of view, you just have to keep putting yourself in those situations to maximize that rate.

I know that you really want somebody in your life, but be careful of being too dependent on somebody to be the secret to your happiness. The truth of the matter is you have to find that happiness on your own before you are happy with somebody else. I had to learn that the hard way, when I self destructed wonderful relationships because I was unhappy with who I was. You should want somebody in your life to enhance your happiness, not need them because you see no other way. There is a huge difference and a question you should ask yourself.

[patrick74]

cmacattak1, said it about as well as it could be said.

I've essentially been single for two years (mid 30's) Last handful of years I've dated maybe 4-6 people a year and when it doesn't work out, I'll wonder how the heck am I going to meet the next person and getting sick of meeting people that I really don't have a whole lot in common with. Makes it all to easy to start questioning yourself and than if you do meet someone you can easily be tempted to latch on to hard.

Something that was also said above, but is an important point. If you meet someone your interested in, don't be afraid to do a little pursuing. Don't chase to hard, but don't always wait for the guy to ask for your number or to make the first move. Best relationship I've ever had was the girl making 80% of the effort, I maid an ass outta myself the first time she called as I had no idea who I was talking to, but she had the guts to call me back thankfully.

[ecojeanne]

that's all bullshite! i was very happy when surrounded by people, when those people left me due to an old bf and work i was lost, lonliness is the worst. i was happy for a long time. the biggest mistake i ever made was having a relationship in the first place EVER. firstly because i was happy not knowing i was actually alone, secondly my friends stuck with me until they met him, i left my job and they saw him everyday and chose him to hang out with. no if you have never had a bf, don't attempt to have one, you will be so much happier, if you have then i pity you because you will be like me searching for that same comfort, that same relationship that will never happen again. yes you'll meet people, but you will never experience the same happiness.

PS the 'right' man doesn't exist, only in your mind. men are men, if i could choose create a man, i would choose superman. he doesn't exist tho

[mary-87-]

Thanks to all three of you for your posts, this has helped and has given me some comfort.

[Ret]

I know that everyone, to find their right partner - they must start by finding their right selves...