Can anyone advise please.....

[troytempest]

Can You please advise

Hello,
I am new to this forum and I would really appreciate any advice you can offer.
My story is quite a complicated one, but I hope you will endeavor to read all the post.
I have been in a distant relationship with a younger lady ( I am 52 she is 32) for two years now.
There have been some difficult moments during this time. but generally we have built a steady partnership together.
The lady is a soldier. From the very first moment I met her, I fell in Love with her.
She has also expressed her Love for me. We are in Love, although this is her first serious relationship and I think she finds it difficult sometimes.
My girlfriend has always lived an independent life, she has these issues or conflicts when problems arise between us.
So much so that on more than one occasion, she ended the relationship. somehow we managed to get back together again usually through me persuading her to come back because the love we have between us is worth trying to keep.
I also feel where she has lived in the military for such a long time and being in a distant relationship seeing each other every 6 weeks or so has been difficult for both of us.
I have tried on many occasions to persuade her to leave the army to live a life with me here in my country.
recently, I was hoping for such a result. when she informed me she was going to some war zone for 6 months.
This was terrible news for me. after talking with her I decided to end the relationship.
I think this is what she wanted too. in fact on the occasions previously when problems arose, she always asked me if we could become just friends. I told her this was impossible for me as I loved her so much. I couldn't bear the thought of the girl who I loved being with someone other than myself or allowing the possibility.
Well, after our conversation about her going to war, we agreed to end the relationship.
Having agreed this, I received a message from her saying if we could meet for the last time over a weekend.
Only as friends. she seems to want to end the relationship but keep a friendship between us.
I also think she wants to go to this war without any ties. I explained to her after the latest break-up I thought it was best we ended the relationship because I was so upset about the news of her going away to war for 6 months, words were said but not meant. that I have reconsidered and reasoned why she wanted to go and accepted.
But this explanation now is not acceptable. I also think she feels, if the relationship has ended, if she were to get involved with someone else, maybe in the war zone with another soldier for example, she will not be under any obligation to me.
I do not know what to do. I want her back but not as a friend, this I just cannot accept.
I would appreciate any advice from the viewers as to what I can or should do or just your opinion please.
I need to let her know about this proposed weekend together. but she will want me to confirm to meet as a friendship and not as a boyfriend as before.
I heard Friendship can lead to Love, but does Love lead to friendship?
I Love her so much but would rather end this than be her friend, it would be too much for me otherwise.
I would really appreciate any comments.

Thank you

[Raven_Skye]

Well, what can I say about this. I have recently broke off a long distance relationship where we've gone from 6 weeks to more than ayear without seeing eachother (my dad got cancer, and eventually died from this so I couldn't go see him and he wasnt able to come to my country). I broke it off because it didn't seem right. In my opinion, you should respect her wishes. Obviously she loves the army. She loves you, but she loves the army more. Might change in the future, but right now, it's the army she cares for most, it's a specific type of person that does this, but she wont change. It's how and what she is, down to her core. She loves you and doesn't want to lose you all together.. like me and my far off guy. We're friends still cause we couldn't bare losing eachother totally. But like you and your woman, a relationship probably won't work. So even if she feels like the one, my advice would be, get over it, or try to. If it's easier, cut all contact. Hardest thing you might have to do, ever, but it could be best for you both. If you can keep contact but still move on, it's great. But it doesn't always work like that. From what I read, you two might never have a proper relationship. She might want to settle down sometime in the future, but not now, not with you. Good luck.

[troytempest]

Thank you for your advice much appreciated.

[kitkitkitty]

i went from a 20 month relationship to friendship and well.... hasn't quite just been friendship. it's hard. im not sure if you should meet her as all of these feelings will come gushing back however much you tame them. depends where you meet her too.

[troytempest]

I would just add, I don't understand if two people Love each other, why friendship is brought up.
for me, there is quite a distinction between friendship and having a relationship, where two people say they love each other.
This is what I find most confusing.......I have many friends but I don't "Love" Them.