Advice on dealing with "strong women"

[Infern0]

So, i have been seeing this girl who i really like for a few weeks now, she has some funny ways about her, a lot of people i know, who know her don't like her too much, see the thing is she is really self confident to the point of coming off as arrogant, shes also very sure of herself and very assertive.

I actually like these traits in a woman, i go for the "alpha female" type, the problem arose last night, i had a football game to play, unfortunatley it was also her goddaughters birthday party, she asked me to go and normally i would have, but this was a regional semi final and i needed to play the game so I said i had to miss it, and then all hell broke loose. She was not shy to have a go at me, and I wasn't backing down for a second, I knew that this day would come and i was going to show her i wasn't a pushover, and told her not to think about ordering me around. I don't think she is used to someone arguing back at her, and this has caused a problem, I tried calling her this morning to smooth things over, but no answer, then her friend called me, she basically said that she is used to everything going her way, and she doesnt know how to react to someone who will fight back in an argument, especially not someone she cares about.

I wonder what to do next, to me we argued, you know it's water under the bridge now, she needs to understand that everything isnt going to go her way, but also i do really care about her, i dont want to be arging all the time, should i go round there with some flowers or something?

[MerryH]

No, don't give her flowers - you'd just be rewarding her for being selfish. Assuming you knew about the football game way in advance of her inviting you to the birthday party, she should respect that you have your own life and responsibilities and that you can't drop everything to attend to her. Just because she's an "alpha female" doesn't mean she doesn't have to show respect to others.

As an aside, don't let this "alpha female" thing be an excuse for her to be shitty to people. Seriously, if a lot of people don't like her, there's probably a good reason for it, and it's not because she's just misunderstood, or whatever. I know people who are very much unliked by mostly everyone. It's because they're assholes and say or do stupid things. And they all have this attitude like "Whaaa people don't like me, why don't they just get to know me, people suck " I wish they would realize that no, it's not everyone else, it's YOU being such an asshole that makes people not like you.

[kats86]

No, don't give her flowers - you'd just be rewarding her for being selfish.

The world revolves around her....NOT. Time for her to face reality that she can't have everything. If you've only been seeing her for a few weeks and she expects you to drop plans for her, tell her you have a life too. Yes you said you were sorry for not making it to the party, but she should be even more sorry for making YOU feel like crap.
By the way...what was the outcome of your game, did you win? I'm sure your state of mind could have been better not having to worry about this girl.

[xxazurexx]

Strong woman? I'm a strong woman, but I don't try to control like she tried to do....

No I wouldn't get her flowers or go grovelling up her arse. She owes you the apology.

[lyle0729]

Haha, you shouldn't do that "flowers" thing. What it seems like here is a misunderstanding. Is she familiar that you have a problem with her arrogance? I would sit her down and let her know where your lines are drawn and why you got so worked up. If you said it in a manner of "I feel hurt because..." instead of "you pissed the hell out of me bc..." she will feel a little more sensitive about where she's going wrong.

[Nimrod44]

Really self confident, arrogant, assertive (or is that aggressive), wants everything to go her way .. sounds like a bitch to me. Strong women do not have to be bitches. A bitchy woman won't change. If you want to live a life of hell stay with her.

No flowers for her, no apologies from you either. She needs to get used to compromise and allowing you some freedom to do what's important in your life, not just hers.

[Infern0]

The world revolves around her....NOT. Time for her to face reality that she can't have everything. If you've only been seeing her for a few weeks and she expects you to drop plans for her, tell her you have a life too. Yes you said you were sorry for not making it to the party, but she should be even more sorry for making YOU feel like crap.
By the way...what was the outcome of your game, did you win? I'm sure your state of mind could have been better not having to worry about this girl.

yeah we did win just about, but my game was probably not helped by me spending the whole 90 minutes wondering if i could get to that party at a reasonable time if i drove fast enough

[Infern0]

Really self confident, arrogant, assertive (or is that aggressive), wants everything to go her way .. sounds like a bitch to me. Strong women do not have to be bitches. A bitchy woman won't change. If you want to live a life of hell stay with her.

No flowers for her, no apologies from you either. She needs to get used to compromise and allowing you some freedom to do what's important in your life, not just hers.

A lot of people call her a bitch, in some respects I guess she is, but at the same time she can be a really kind person, it just depends on her mood lol.

She seems to think everyone is out to get something in life, like no one ever does anyhting with out an ulterior motive...

Like I say i care about her enough to keep at it so lets hope she realises a few things and i can make this relationship work.

[MerryH]

90 minutes wondering if i could get to that party at a reasonable time if i drove fast enough

Pushover.

So how big was the bouquet you bought her and how profusely did you apologize?

[Infern0]

Pushover.

So how big was the bouquet you bought her and how profusely did you apologize?

Haha I didnt go actually it was too late by that time, I am a bit of a pushover to be fair though, but i guess thats the wrong way to be with someone like this...

[xxazurexx]

A lot of people call her a bitch, in some respects I guess she is, but at the same time she can be a really kind person, it just depends on her mood lol.

She seems to think everyone is out to get something in life, like no one ever does anyhting with out an ulterior motive...

Like I say i care about her enough to keep at it so lets hope she realises a few things and i can make this relationship work.

Someone must have pissed her off in the past which causes her to doubt peoples motives.

She has issues.

[Chlorine]

I tried calling her this morning to smooth things over, but no answer, then her friend called me, she basically said that she is used to everything going her way, and she doesnt know how to react to someone who will fight back in an argument, especially not someone she cares about.

I wonder what to do next, to me we argued, you know it's water under the bridge now......... she needs to understand that everything isnt going to go her way, but also i do really care about her......

Inferno-----Her friend called you to explain? Ridiculous. Why is there a middleman involved?

It's water under the bridge to you but women often stew over stuff like this. While you were busy running around on the field, she was probably on the phone to her friend about your argument, there was probably lots of bitching and analysis of the whole situation.

Give it a few days. She needs to calm down first before any discussion can commence.