A little hurt and a lot confused. Help please

[Banjoman]

I'm a new member here and signed up just because of this issue. I'm 24 years old and have been out of high school for 7 years. In high school I met through a mutual close friend a girl that I became very good friends with and stayed very good friends with her all through high school. I recently found out that at different times, or maybe the same time, we each had a crush on the other person. Anyway after high school I went off to college of course and we kind of lost touch. I talked to her every once in a while but really not a lot, but a month ago she started texting me a lot and I thought something might be going on.

I texted with her for a while and we hung out a couple times but we stayed friends and no more through most of it. She was dating around because she didn't want to get mixed up in a relationship and I was keeping my distance because I didn't want to fall for her because at that time I was pretty sure that she never had any feelings of that type for me. Anyway I had 2 performances at a local festival that I was excited about and she actually requested off of work that day so she could come with me and watch me play. We ended up spending the whole day together and really had a great time. I noticed something more was going on after my solo set though. I came off the stage and we went to watch the next act and she was all over me. Hugging on me and holding my hand and the like.

The next day was Sunday and while I was watching football she texted me and said, "I have something serious to tell you." The next text said, "I love you !" Since I sort of had a thing for her in high school and also noticed myself having feelings for her the last month I decided to go for it. We really do work well together, we know each other so well and we complement each other very well. So anyway we went to the movies the next day Monday and really had a good time. On Wednesday I have a weekly performance at a local bar and we had our first kiss right before I went on. I was thrilled. Friday night she texted me at like 12:30 in the morning and said in a nutshell we should just be friends.

I was shocked. I was stunned, and I was also really sad. But I decided I wasn't going to push the issue with her because I didn't want to mess up our friendship. But it kept eating away at me and finally Thursday I decided screw this I need to talk to her about it. So we talked for a while and I asked her how did we go from "I love you on Sunday, to kissing on Wednesday, to just friends on Friday." She said, "I do love you and I care a lot about you and feel like it goes deeper than just I love ya man!". Then later on she said, "I'm confused I told you I didn't want to lose you and I need you around and you know my life with boys is up and down at the moment I like you alot and I love you but as you can see my life is up in the air and I don't want to hurt you ever! ever."

She went on to say, "I'm scared to keep getting in any deeper it's fun to hang out and to have fun but when the fun ends it blows then people get emo or hurt or worse. I just really am out of sorts in life and I do feel for you and I told you I had a crush before just didn't think you liked me that way I dk now we're older and it's a bit diff in these times." She then said, "I can't be in a relationship right now. We ended it with, "I love you. To wherever and whatever that may bring."

Heres my question. Is this something that actually has a chance to happen one day? Or is she just trying to let me down easy. Or do I need to get over her before this goes too long and we both end up hurt? What do I do?

[Seif]

It's funny because I sort of just posted an issue about this, but of course that won't be amusing to you. Anyway, it sounds to me like she's pretty clear in the head, at least with what she was saying. Be happy that she wasn't so vague as to just say "I need some time"! Give her the space she obviously wants, date around and see if you two are really "the one" for each other. If you love each other enough then time won't stop you from doing anything in maybe a year or even a few months. What she seems to want right now is the freedom to discover herself and the way she handles and/or is handled by men. She wants to figure herself out, so you should probably do the same -- that way you'll both hopefully work even better together as a couple one day.

[Banjoman]

Thank you for the good advice Seif. I have been trying to give her space. Kinda hard to do when you are old friends and she keeps texting me but I am trying. I actually haven't seen her in almost 2 weeks (not since our first kiss at my gig) but we do text every day.

[Poetic_Partner]

What would be helpful is that phantom beast "unconditional love". True unconditional love means not "I love you despite your flaws", but "I love you even if you can't reciprocate". And not in a stalker way.

That would mean that, even if you are a bit sad for yourself, you would be happy that she's happy - even if sowing her oats. It's not a common or easy thing to do, but is certainly worthy of taking baby steps that direction.

It also means that you are willing to accept that there is no romantic relationship for the foreseeable future and trying to find some happiness yourself.

-PP

[Agape]

Take her words and try not to read into them too much
"I'm scared to keep getting in any deeper it's fun to hang out and to have fun but when the fun ends it blows then people get emo or hurt or worse. I just really am out of sorts in life and I do feel for you and I told you I had a crush before just didn't think you liked me that way I dk now we're older and it's a bit diff in these times"
AND
"I can't be in a relationship right now"

So she just said she loved you, kinda like a friend? . . . probably a bit more but she isn't ready yet. . . she also seems to understand she might be missing an opportunity to be with you.