I asked her out, she said yes! Sort of.

[Tri'elle]

Hi all, hope you are well!

I’ve been talking to a girl from my college on Facebook for a few weeks now; we get along great and the conversation flows constantly and easily. She’s new to the area - she moved from afar a few weeks ago. We’ve spoken in college as well as on Facebook, but hardly. Just smiles and hellos. We never really see each other, so there’s been no real opportunity for me to strike up a conversation. I am not a friend of any of her friends, nor is she friends with any of mine, so there’s no circumstance out of college or indeed in college where we’d be together. She’s also shy as hell. Yeah, not the perfect formula for a pleasant, simple descent into a relationship.

Anyway. She started a conversation with me last night (Thursday), on Facebook. I’d already decided that it was time I asked her to do something together; we’ve been talking for almost a month now. Things were going pretty well, as usual. It got to a pretty ideal point for me to suggest something, so I proposed that we do something in the next week (it’s our half-term break). She said yes, as long as things weren’t too awkward (we’d joked about how awkward it would be when we spoke to each other, since we’re both pretty shy). I said that I thought we’d be fine – it might be awkward for 5 minutes or so, but fine after that! I also made sure it was crystal clear that if she was uncomfortable with it, thought it was too soon or that it’d be too weird, that she could just say and I wouldn’t mind – we’d just leave it. But she said if she didn’t want to go she’d have just pretended she was busy or something, so it seemed she wanted to meet up. Bingo, mission accomplished!

Well, not exactly. I’ll explain:

After she made it clear that she was happy to meet up, I asked what she wanted to do… she told me to choose. Okay, no problem. I suggested a meal (nothing too heavy-going, just a quick bite to eat) and then to see a movie at the cinema. She said that’d be cool. She said she was free on Monday, so Monday evening it was. We then spent 45 minutes or so discussing it: where to go, when to go, what day, what movie we’d watch, etc. Well, somehow, despite it being the primary topic of conversation for about an hour in total, we never really came to any decisions. It was myself trying to organise it all, asking for her input, but it was not coming easily. She was making me decide everything (alright, she’s new to the area, so she doesn’t know what’s what, but still – she could’ve been a lot easier about it). I couldn’t help but think: “throw me a bone”.

It’s Friday night and I still don’t know where I’m picking her up from, what time I’m picking her up, where we’re eating, where we’re watching the movie and frankly, if the ‘date’ is still on. Now, I could easily solve all of those things, I know good places to eat, there’s a great cinema nearby too, and I’m free all day, so time isn’t an issue. I could just tell her all these things and she’d probably be fine with it. But I can’t help but feel like I’m the only one that’s actually interested in going. All right, she said yes, so she can’t be completely apathetic about going, but in our one-hour conversation about our day out, she seemed disinterested in helping out and was simply making me make all the decisions. It’s hard to explain, the conversation was still strong, but she was constantly being ambivalent and not really giving me any answers. We just managed to decide where we’d go and then the conversation ended with her going to bed, before any other concrete plans were made (it was late at night and she had to be up at about 7, to be fair).

We spoke again on Facebook today, for an hour or so. She made no mention of our plans and frankly, I didn’t have the audacity to bring anything up, I wanted her to show some interested and ‘remind me’ (as if it hadn’t been going around my head all day). The conversation itself was typical; we had a good talk and a bit of a joke around. Alas, she logged off about an hour ago with no further developments to Monday and here I am over thinking things, as per usual. There’s two more days before our ‘date’ is planned. I have no idea if it’s still going ahead, to be honest. With her lack of interest last night and no mention of it today, I’m feeling doubtful.

All I want to hear from you guys is, do you think she’s at all interested in me? Is she putting off talking about meeting because she doesn’t want to? Am I wasting my time? If it wasn’t for last night’s events, I’d be pretty confident that I have a good chance, she’s always interested in talking and there are certainly flirtatious undertones to our conversations, but this has made me doubt my perception of the situation.

I think I’ll mention it again tomorrow and try to be frank with her, and just suggest the times and the places and hope she agrees – is this a good idea? If not how should I approach it, or should I just not bother? Is she just being like this because she is shy? Is this a usual way for a girl to respond?

To anybody that has bothered to read all of that, you are my hero. I’d be delighted with any responses. Any advice at all is desperately needed.

Many thanks!

[IncognitoSir]

Damn that was a lot to read bro lol. It sounds like she truely is a shy girl. Ya see, the whole facebook thing is easy for extremly shy people to ineract with others, but once you introduce reality.........BAM, she doesn't know how to respond to it. For now,I would recomend you just assume you have sole leadership of the date. You're going to need to choose when, where, how long, etc. Its probably going to be really awkward on the date too. I can see her being the type that takes a while to open up, BUT she did say yes so don't doubt yourself in this situation. She even went so far as to reassure you that she wants to go on the date with you. Just keep in mind, you're probably gonna be the one who'll have to keep the conversation going thru the night. If you guys are old enough you should maybe grab some drinks so both of you can loosen up a bit.....DONT TRY TO GET HER DRUNK.........lol........just loosen up a bit. Some people are really just that shy though man. I thought I was shy, but some of the people I meet put my shyness to shame. G'luck man!

[Poetic_Partner]

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt for the moment. She's not yet completely sure she knows you, having only chatted through IM, plus she may be shy or insecure herself.

As to "She was making me decide everything" - again, she may be shy. That happens sometimes and you just have to go with the flow take charge. Easier said than done, I know.

Regarding a movie as a first date, I would generally avoid it. Not horrible, but it has a couple downsides. First, during the movie you can't really interact with your date. Second, people can sometimes be quite passionate about loving/hating a movie or an entire genre - though if you can agree to a movie that wouldn't be an issue.

Good luck. Hope it works out.

-PP

[Agape]

She's probably pretty introverted or inexperience or shy or something? . . . either way take it slow and don't push her into anything, you'd have to be able to judge if she's okay - but - don't patronize her or baby her, etc.

But anyways, re-read your first paragraph describing her, "She’s new to the area - she moved from afar a few weeks ago.", you barely see her or talk to her. Also, you aren't really connect by social friendship groups . . . understandably shy, so be nice.

[FNM]

I understand how you are feeling dude. It's great that she said yes, but it must be a pain having to be the one that makes all the decisions - it can be disheartening.

I think you should just be frank with her; when she's next online, spark up a conversation with her. If it's this coming Monday that you're planning to meet, you don't have time to mess around.

Mention the 'date' and just suggest that you pick her up at X, eat at Y and watch the movie at Z.

If she's interested in going, she'll agree to it and all will be well. If this happens, be prepared to have to lead out on most of the conversations. If she's so shy, you're going to want things to talk about, awkward silences are the worst, so think about these before your 'date'.

If she isn't interested, then she'll be forced (nicely forced, that is!) to give you a straight no, because you will have been so explicit with your suggestion. She won't be able to avoid giving an answer. Yeah, a 'no' would suck, but it's better to know you're barking up the wrong tree than to waste your breath.

Good luck, brother.

[Tri'elle]

Many thanks for the replies so far, I really appreciate everyone's advice.

As for the cinema, I figured that it wouldn't be a bad thing if we had something to eat too, as we could talk there. If she picks the movie, I can just go with it regardless of my opinions, ha!

Hopefully I'll see her online tonight and I'll just have to go for it, my biggest worry is that she'll just boycott Facebook till Monday passes, that would be a nightmare.

Anyway, thanks again for the help, you've all given me a little more hope. Any more advice would be wonderful.

Thanks!

[IncognitoSir]

Many thanks for the replies so far, I really appreciate everyone's advice.

As for the cinema, I figured that it wouldn't be a bad thing if we had something to eat too, as we could talk there. If she picks the movie, I can just go with it regardless of my opinions, ha!

Hopefully I'll see her online tonight and I'll just have to go for it, my biggest worry is that she'll just boycott Facebook till Monday passes, that would be a nightmare.

Anyway, thanks again for the help, you've all given me a little more hope. Any more advice would be wonderful.

Thanks!

You should probably get her number......

[all alone]

Dude, your totally micro-managing this thing out of proportion!.. Take a deep breath, she's interested. Heres what you do, since you tried to get some input from her but it didn't go anywhere (and we already know she has a shy personality), you need to nut up and just make plans. You can be polite and run them by her first for approval, but that would be best.

And i also must agree movie isn't an ideal early date.. i mean like you and the other poster mentioned, less communication, but you do have dinner before at least. Iunno.. just my opinion i guess, and in some cases i might be afraid coming on too strong with the movie and dinner (but that depends on the vibes between people and how long you've known each other, even just like acquaintances)..

[Tri'elle]

It's a pretty tough one to decide really, the cinema is not very personal but a meal is pretty personal and as all alone said, might be coming on a bit strong. I really have no idea what else to do though!

[MerryH]

I don't understand how you could have a 45 minute conversation about the date and still not have any real plans. Was she saying "no" to all of your suggestions? If so, then she's probably not that into the idea of dinner and a movie. Why don't you suggest something else, like maybe a museum or zoo or some kind of activity that will keep you both active and entertained and talking, instead of sitting and staring at each other awkwardly from across the table. Show her around the city since she's new there.

[Agape]

Then how about a picnic or something? Go to park and relax there, maybe since she's new you can show her around?