I Can't Tell What He's Thinking...!! Help!

[~DM~]

*Post edited and put under new name to address the problem more specifically

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. We have had serious ups and downs - which is ironic, considering he's borderline bipolar. Because of that, and a massive depressive state last winter, we broke up twice. The first time only lasted a day - he came to me and said that he was wrong, and didn't want to be without me. The next time was three weeks later, after the depressive state began. He said some things that cut really, really deep, such as "I never loved you". This lasted about 6 weeks. We were friends throughout the whole thing, because he was my friend before and that didn't change. It hurt like none other, don't get me wrong, but it didn't stop me from trying to be there when he entertained self-hurt thoughts.

Anyway, in June we started dating again, and it's been great since. But earlier this week we talked for about 3 hours about the future. It's gonna be rough. He's a theatre major and wants to spend his life traveling and preforming. This means that I have to put up with laaate nights and possibly going weeks or even months without seeing him. Also, living on a very low income. This is all fine - I'm OK with it. But he hasn't said anything about our talk, and has put up a wall. I can't tell what he's thinking, or anything.

I can speculate may different reasons for this, but I don't know if I'm right. Maybe he doesn't want that life for me. Maybe he wants to have that life without being tied down - he doesn't want me in it. Maybe he's just not sure what to think, so he hasn't talked.

This may seem really petty and stupid, but it hurts, because we've broken up twice before, and I almost feel it coming on again.

So, I suppose I'm just looking for any insights or opinions. Especially from men. WHAT is he thinking?

[Judie]

For this case, only a psychologist can really tell what is going on in his mind...

[Agape]

This guy
"he's borderline bipolar."
"massive depressive state"
"he hasn't said anything about our talk, and has put up a wall. I can't tell what he's thinking, or anything. "
"we've broken up twice before"

--> He's got psychological and psychiatric problems probably? Even his future plans sound really like "It's gonna be rough"? . . . do you really want to continue on in this relationship?