My Boyfriend CUT UP my Thighs...(long)

[Raven_Skye]

Can someone help being like that? Is it just something that you are, like lesbian or bisexual or straight? I want to help him, but don't know how.


And please do NOT tell me to contact a counselor...they'd have to report him for assault.

Hmm. these two points stuck out.
One, no this is not quite like being lesbian or gay etc. It's more like being a pedophile, no offence intended. I just mean that liking certain things is harming no one, while certain things hurt others. Sexual sadism can be hurtful. If it's just about giving you pain, then it's not necessarily bad. For you it might be, if you are not into it, but some can like pain and in that way, there still can be a healthy relationship. And please people, don't rant about such a relationship not being healthy, if it's got two willing adults, why not.

BUT if he likes giving you pain without your consent, say he's only getting turned on when you don't want it.. then there's a problem and it could get ugly. I suggest you do talk to him.. try to tell him how horrible he made you feel, and try to get him to be honest to you about if the element of you not being willing plays a part. If it does.. I wouldn't continue with him. I'm sorry, but that's just too dangerous. You never know where the line is drawn for him. Will he stop at cutting you up a little, or will he rape you one day when you don't want to have sex with him, or will he beat you, kill you even? Might sound extreme but this could be something hidden in the deepest of his fantasies. Tread carefully.

And if he's just a sadist, and gets off on giving you pain.. well then it's something you have to decide for yourself. Could you enjoy certain things, I mean you'd have to give him fine lines about what he can and can't do. Knives, tacks, slapping, biting, scratching, pinching, strangling? This kind of sex requires negotiation. And a lot of trust. Admittedly, the way he's treated you I wouldn't be able to trust him with this, and you should be careful what you do and talk, talk, talk with him. See for me.. knives are out of the question, or anyway most of the time. I mean, I don't like knives to begin with and it's easy to cut too deep. I can enjoy biting, pinching, slapping, scratching, even hard, but I hate strangling. That is something where's there no pleasure in for me. I like a bit of pain with my sex sometimes, actually I love it.. but I have clear lines of what I do and don't like, and while I am willing to try most things, I would not do anything with someone who's loving it doing those things to me without consent. No consent, no trust, no trust, no relationship. For me.

So think, talk and be careful. But my advice is to get away from him if he does just like doing it without consent. Then even, despite of loving him, I'd report it somewhere. Like, with your house doctor, general practitioner I think you call it. Someone has to know he did this, makes it easier to do something if and when he does it again. This brings me to my next point.

You saying that when you go to a counselor, they'll have to report him. Is that the way it works? How old are you, how old is he? I don't know how it works if you're minors, or if you just are. But generally, there's the, what do you call it? Doctor-patient confidentality?? It works for some counselors too, but if you go see anyone, I'd go see my GP. They can point in the right direction, and if you'd want to know before you tell his name, ask if they have to report these things or not. Be general, don't do into details if you don't want to. Just.. tell someone ok?

Again, be careful, and good luck and I hope I have given you decent enough advice.

[Analeigh008]

^I like the idea of trying a consent thing, Raven_Skye. With some limits. I'm not a huge wuss, I can tolerate some pain. Soft-core, of course. I'd prefer to keep most of my blood.

And to any of you wondering, yes, I'm in High School. I'm 16, he's 17. So really this isn't about me trying to help a "man" like he's 30 or something...we're both pretty young. And because we're both minors if I spoke to a counselor (and I think it's the same for doctors) they would have to tell a parent or report it. We don't have as much control over it as older people would.

You guys keep saying he "stabbed" me...he didn't. He stuck me with tacks and what he did with the knife was cutting...not stabbing. I just think saying he stabbed me makes it sound worse than it was, because he didn't. Stabbing just doesn't sound like the right word to use for tacks...

I think he cut so shallow because he was trying NOT to hurt me significantly. That's the way I see it.

He wouldn't really talk much about it today. Maybe I should wait a little while?

Oh, and @ Agape:

I'm not sure if you'll be able to view it, you may have to create an account to view the forum. A lot of it was the same advice (tell police/leave him), but a few did help me address the problem in the way I wanted to address it. None were rude, best of all. But I think they police their posters a bit more there. Anyway, here's the URL:

h.t.t.p://vampirefreaks.c.o.m./group_comment.php?pg=1&entry=4245958

(Ignore the dots between the h-t-t-p and c-o-m)

[girl68]

Now, you're making every excuse in the book to make it okay in your eyes. To me that sounds like you know what he did was wrong you just refuse to aknowledge it as a wrong doing. Things will get worse not better. Sorry to busrt your little idealistic bubble.

[Analeigh008]

I've been bouncing back and forth between deciding to break up with him or deciding to stay...I guess it depends...I DO have some sense, guys...I'll probably break up with him (though I'll still love him) but it depends. I've gone from NO to DEFINITELY to MAYBE as far as leaving him so IDK.

I don't study victims. Maybe I am making up excuses - I don't think I am, but you're not the first to say so. But I still think that. We've only been dating for so long, but I've known him for a few years. He's had plenty of isolated opportunities to kill or maim me if he ever wanted to. Even since we've been a couple he has.

This isn't the first time he's done something of a non-consensual nature to me, but this is like the "final straw". In case the chronological nature of this problem wasn't made clear, which I don't think it was.

[girl68]

He's physically violated you before and you STILL STAYED. Sweetie, prove me wrong: kids are so damn stupid these days what the hell is wrong with you that being physically violated twice = love

...seriously he don't love you not one bit. Love is not pain, love isn't forceful, love doesn't violate what you have isn't love what you have is scary and the belief that this is a 100% dealbreaker is even more scary.

[Analeigh008]

@Spoonandfork:

Hi...I'm not pressing charges, whether I break up with him or not. This is going to sound odd since we're together romantically, but I love him like a brother or a father in terms of closeness...even though we're *NOT* related...What I'm trying to say is that I'm NOT pressing charges. Ever.

And if I did decide to press charges (which I won't), would it not be better to just show them the wounds in the flesh? Pictures can be faked (photoshop) or stolen from elsewhere on the internet. Pictures are really worth little to nothing these days - they will want an examiner to confirm that they are indeed there.

And if you can't see why me posting a photograph of my inner thigh over the internet won't get me into trouble...well, it depends on your laws. I don't know what this particular part of the body is called, but they're concentrated on the highest point of the inside of my thigh. It's VERY close to my private area. Posting it sounds iffy as far as child pornography law in the US. And I don't want that picture out there FOREVER. Which is why I'll never take it. I'd rather get over this.

As for you taking me seriously - you will find an excuse to ridicule me either way. You find me funny. I may be young, maybe you think I'm stupid, but I've dealt with my fair share of sarcastic people who will laugh at you until they can't see straight. They're sadists in their own way.

@girl68:

Before, he never did anything this serious. Just little things like trying to tell me what to wear, who to befriend, etc. Just being bossy. Most of the time I give in to this to keep the peace, I don't like arguing with him. The non-consensual things he's done weren't terrible either, just annoying. For example, being "all over" me after I tell him I don't feel well.

[Analeigh008]

He stuck me with one. Right on the inside of my thigh (forgot which one he stuck me in first), high up. Hard - the metal part went all the way through the skin.

^That is exactly what I said in my original post, and what I said to you. High up on the inside of the thigh is close to my vagina. Quit lying on me - I didn't say it occured in my private area. THIS is what I said in my reply to you:

I don't know what this particular part of the body is called, but they're concentrated on the highest point of the inside of my thigh. It's VERY close to my private area.

In both statements, I emphasized that he stuck me HIGH UP ON THE INSIDE OF MY THIGH. If you've ever seen a vagina before, you would know that the areas are pretty close.

If you want to try to break me down, do it well. You want to say you knew what I would do? I've predicted you also. No matter what, you will find a reason to laugh, scoff, whatever, at me.

How about this...You go get cut up on YOUR inner thigh, very close to your private area, and then post it on the internet so some people who've been making fun of you can finally believe you.

Sound fun?

BTW, I'm serious. Do that and maybe something can be arranged between us and this picture. Prove to me that it isn't so bad, and maybe I'll follow you.

&@girl68:

I see your point. But he's the closest thing I've got.

[girl68]

Everything you say confrims your low self esteem again, you sit here justifying all his wrong doings telling youself oh, it's okay it's not that bad. You even KNOW it's not that bad becasue you *refuse* to let anyone know for fear they will report him. If you really thought it wasn't "that bad" you wouldn't have a problem coming forward and asking professionals if what he did is wrong.

As for his other violations: those are tell tale signs of a full out abuser. Guess what all those battered women, they all said exactly what you're saying now.

The end: you are complete utter idiot if you stay with him.

[IncognitoSir]

Quick question, How's your relationship with your father? Just wondering.

[justcheckin]

sorry but my only advice to you is to leave this guy. I know you said you love him, but I think its more of a "helpless" kind of love. The fact he put a tack into your body and cut you with a knife is ****ing SICK!!!!!!!!!!!! There is no excuse, I don't care what "category" his sexual needs are under. There is no excuse for htat, or for when he put his elbow in your neck. You need to get away from this guy before you piss him off and he tries to cut your throat. Seriously. HE IS CRAZY. You are just "blind in love" and do not want to believe what is obviously in front of you. I will not help you, because you are in a horrible situation that you need to come to reality with. Your life is in trouble. Get away from this guy, if not, god help you.

[doppelgaenger]

I went to high school with a jackass who put cigarettes out on his gf's arms. I felt sorry for the poor girl; she never had the courage to stand up for herself. Years later... (very recently, actually) she broke up with him after years of abuse. You sound like a naive teenage girl and you need to stick up for yourself. Since he already forced himself on you and overpowered you, all you can do is get someone else involved. The best thing to do is to tell your parents so they can straighten this mess out. Clearly they have not been there to teach you what a healthy relationship is and what you should expect from relationships and now's their last chance I guess. You should really avoid your 'boyfriend' from now on, which is self explanatory. He has already stepped way over the boundary and you really don't want to let him go any further, which could include rape or put your life in grave danger. It's not your job to diagnose him - let a psychiatrist do that. I'm pretty sure you got the message now, after 3 pages of criticism from other members. I'd sure hate to see you humiliating yourself on Jerry Springer or Steve Wilkos.

[Agape]

“I'm 16, he's 17.”

Then you should learn now and leave him . . .don’t make a habit of this

“He stuck me with tacks and what he did with the knife was cutting...not stabbing. I just think saying he stabbed me makes it sound worse than it was, because he didn't. Stabbing just doesn't sound like the right word to use for tacks...
I think he cut so shallow because he was trying NOT to hurt me significantly. That's the way I see it.”

Well then you’re blind . . . He did something without your consent and he harmed your body.

“He's had plenty of isolated opportunities to kill or maim me if he ever wanted to.”
“his isn't the first time he's done something of a non-consensual nature to me, but this is like the "final straw””

Then you should make this the final straw . . .don’t put up with this! . . . it's a bad sign and it can only get worse

[Analeigh008]

@ IncognitoSir:

I'm not going through any serious issues with him, just "family problems" I guess I'd call it. For example, before the incident with my BF, we'd had a nit-picky argument at home over who had broken the computer monitor (which was NOT me). It's small, but things like that happening 5-10 times per day make for pretty frustrating build-up. He's always accusing me of things. Stupid things.

Anyway, that really isn't a big deal.

[Analeigh008]

I'm pretty sure you got the message now, after 3 pages of criticism from other members. I'd sure hate to see you humiliating yourself on Jerry Springer or Steve Wilkos.

The part about Jerry Springer/Wilkos made me giggle...don't worry about that one

Yes, I do get the message most people have given me here + elsewhere...Besides the obvious advice (breaking up with him/getting the cops involved), I have gotten some insight on whether I may help him or how we can at least try to make this work even if I can't change that about him, thanks to a certain few and greatly appreciated members. Thank you You know who you are.

As you've all figured out if you've been reading, I'm very forgiving towards him. I can work to decrease that leniency, but I can't cut him off immediately or completely.

I *HATE* to make a Twilight reference...but I'd end up more pathetic than Bella after Edward temporarily left her. I don't want to make him think I dislike him so that he will leave me, and I don't know if I want to leave him yet for sure...that's just the way it is in my head right now.

That may change, though. Likely. I don't know.

[doppelgaenger]

Well, you may giggle, but I've seen young girls on Steve Wilkos going through the same exact physical/sexual abuse situation that you're in, so the joke is really on you.

Don't get too enthusiastic about getting the cops involved - this is something you should have done immediately, and I think now it will be harder to prove he did it and trying to get him in a legal bind could just be a waste of your time. You really need to tell your parents, though. Don't force us to have your Internet provider contact your parents about your post! We can't have minors coming on here posting stories like this and not have any obligation to do something about it.

And you will have to cut him off completely and immediately, for your own good. Furthermore, forgiving someone means you understand their intentions, which you don't. You can't change him, either, honey. Look on the bright side, though, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and most of them sure as hell would treat you better than this guy.