My Boyfriend CUT UP my Thighs...(long)

[Analeigh008]

OK...here it goes.

He called me up and I went to visit his house last night. It was just he and I. I went around dinner time to help him prepare food because he has family visiting tomorrow evening. He has the nicest family, so I was so excited to help out, and that I was invited. We kind of made a mess throwing scraps and splashing water at each other...

The parents were out (no clue where), it was just me, him, and his little nephew upstairs, playing video games.

He was acting nice to me, nicer than usual...BTW, as far as my parents/family knew I was at my friend's house (parents wouldn't be comfortable with me going over to his house, they always insist that he come over hours) a few blocks away helping HER cook...He had picked me up from my friend's house after my mother dropped me off there.

When we were done, we went up into his room. He went to check on his nephew really quick, and then came back and locked the door. Things immediately got physical from there - at first we were just kissing. At that point, things were going great.

He started tickling me. I really can't help my movements when I'm being tickled, so while I was spazzing around giggling, he used the opportunity to gently lay me gown and he got on top of me. He started kissing my neck, had his hands on my waist...at that point I was getting nervous because we were in a vaguely sexual position, and he was kissing down my neck. But...I'm not going to lie to myself. I did like it. A lot.

I'm just now realizing what an idiot I was. It's like I can't even be mad about it because *I* was such an idiot...He asked me if he could see my breasts. At first I was like, "No!"...but this was my first time really being with anyone like that and all the attention was very intoxicating. He said I was beautiful, the only girl he loves, and that he just wants to see me. I let go of my inhibitions for him and, well...I let him remove my clothes, but I kept my pants on. I won't get into any details there.

I was just so happy at the time that I was loved by someone ... you know? He made me feel better than anyone. And then a few minutes later I felt him unbuttoning my pants. When he said he wanted to "do something", I didn't like the turn things were taking.

I told him I was NOT going to have sex with him, no matter WHAT he says.

He said we're not going to, he just wants to try something else. I said we weren't doing oral, either. He said he wasn't doing that. (Note: I have had oral sex with him before, but I felt pretty gross thereafter, and decided not to do it again for a while). I said no fingers...and then he said he wasn't doing that. At this point I was curious what he was going to do. Knowing his ways, I knew he wasn't going to tell me. So I let him take off my socks and pants.

He got back on top of me and started kissing me again. I figured maybe he just wanted my pants off, so I got into it after a minute or two. I heard him fumbling on the table beside the bed; I thought he was getting a condom after I had said NO SEX. But I opened my eyes and it wasn't a condom, it was a handful of tacks...

He stuck me with one. Right on the inside of my thigh (forgot which one he stuck me in first), high up. Hard - the metal part went all the way through the skin. I bit my tongue - it later became swollen ... I was so startled. That **** HURT.

I yelled at him, asked what the hell he was doing. He told me to be quiet before someone heard. But I was flipping out at that point, trying to slide out from underneath him, but then...I dont know what this is called...he did the thing where you put your elbow on someone's throat to make them be quiet. I couldn't breathe.
He told me to trust him, basically. I just wanted to breathe. He let me go.

After that, he decided he couldn't trust me anymore, so he held my hands down with one of his. Of course I tried to slide out, but he's stronger than me and that didn't work out.

He kept sticking me.
I just laid there. I should have tried to run, but I felt like that was a bad idea, he looked so serious...I guess I was frozen.

He got a knife (from the same place)...well, I think that's what they're called...the kind that folds out from the handle.
He cut me. Not messily like stabbing, but in straight lines...kind of like how it looks when people cut their wrists...except these were long lines on my thigh. He didn't cut any higher than my thigh (thank GOD).

I didn't look at his face while this was happening. I'm guessing he enjoyed it, since he kept doing it. He removed my underwear after that...they had blood on them. Not a lot, but it looked like I had been on my period.

What happened after that was confusing. While it was happening, I knew I HATED him. I was crying. But when he put the knives and tacks away, he helped me up and wrapped me in a robe and took me into the bathroom. He ran me a bath. He asked me to forgive him.
I was going to say no, but the word just didn't get out. I don't know. But I know I didn't say I wouldn't.

He was turning to leave, but I called him back. I asked him to stay. I felt my dignity shrink right there...not that it hadn't already been chopped down a few sizes...but he locked the door and sat by me on the edge of the bathtub. I was pretty quiet, but he did tell me why he did it.

He said he's been getting frustrated lately. I have a feeling he doesn't mean about life in general, but sexually...he's usually cool about everything. You know what I asked him? I asked if he feels better. He said yes, much better. And then I kissed him. He asked about me...I started ranting about **** going on with my dad. He rubbed my thigh and listened to me. Everything returned to normal after that. Well, on the surface - I still feel mentally screwed.

It was a weird deal today at school. He didn't cut very deep, just through the skin, but it dies hurt when I put my thighs together or rub them. Soreness. I was careful about sitting down. People probably think I've been butt-raped...

So far, I haven't told anyone I know. I know that news would get around and he would be in trouble. I DO NOT want that. It's not like he raped me.

From that experience, I think he's a sexual sadist. Nothing extreme (he didn't gag and torture me), but something under that category.

So what I have to ask is...HOW can we satisfy his needs without my pain? I know there are a million reasons why I should break up with him now (I'll leave that out because it's off topic), but...I love him. Even after all the really ****ed up shit he's done to me, I do love him. I've been meaning to talk to him about our relationship, but I just wanted to have a good time cooking turkey and baking cakes for his family for once.

But I need to talk to him SOON. I don't know if talking TO him is going to be enough at this point. I'm worried about him. I'm the one all cut up, but I'm worried about HIM. If he keeps doing this, and does it to other girls, he could go to jail. Especially if his tastes get darker. I seriously doubt jail would help him, anyway...my cousin went to jail and came out worse. Imagine how bad my boyfriend would be emerging from that?

Can someone help being like that? Is it just something that you are, like lesbian or bisexual or straight? I want to help him, but don't know how.

I don't know if I should say something to his parents. But I think he needs help. I'm sure he'd hate me if I did, but I just want him to channel that another way or get HELP.

Even if I do break up with him - I love him, but I can't keep putting up with this - I do want him to be helped. Leaving him isn't going to do much good except maybe for me. But what about the next girl?

And please do NOT tell me to contact a counselor...they'd have to report him for assault.

I'm NOT trying to encourage what he did...I want to help him. He was a wonderful friend before we became a couple (about 5/6-ish months ago), but now I'm starting to see that he has some issues.

====IMPORTANT NOTE====

IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO CALL ME A TROLL (it just happened)...please don't reply. There's no point. It's the internet - there's not shit I can do to make you believe me, and I'm not posting pictures of my bloody inner thighs on the internet. Either you ignore this, spend your time helping me (which I THANK you for if it's sound advice), or you do what's already been done and be redundant.
It makes me SO upset that I asked for *help* and just because I'm crying because my legs are scarred and burning and not because my boyfriend broke up with me or something less impossible to you - I don't know why it sounds impossible to you that I've been CUT, but whatever - and it's doing nothing.
I described everything in as much detail as I remember. If you have questions about it, ASK. Don't be an asshole.

[Kayla]

I think you should move on.. this sound a little scary. I know you love him but it may not be worth it...

[Sonrisa]

watched much Dexter lately?

[Analeigh008]

^I don't even watch Dexter. Or True Blood or any other similar HBO fan-crap. No clue what the shit's about. After Nip/Tuck, I'd had enough. Want to say I'm lying about that, too?

If you're going to turn this into a "you're a troll"/"you're lying" thread, why even reply? Are you bored?

I should have expected this. Just because something doesn't happen in YOUR life, doesn't mean it's not happening in mine.

UNLESS you've got some evidence saying this did NOT happen, what's the point of saying it didn't happen?

I have scars. What do you have - suspicions??? Do you have a PhD in psychology? Are you a cop? DO you have anything solid that will make me believe your opinion is valid - since the intelligence of your post obviously does not shine through.

Anyway, any similar replies will be ignored from here on. If anything you're a troll on my thread asking people for advice.

People who call people TROLLS usually do so because:

a) they have no other intelligent replies to the poster
b) they don't like what they're reading
c) if the poster is indeed a "troll", the replier hasn't the sense to ignore them or has enough time on their hands to reply saying that the OP is a troll.

If you still have a problem with me, PM me or something, don't clog up my thread with cowshit. That makes me mad.

I'm hoping this shit doesn't become infected and to you I'm a troll.

Would you like me to describe the pattern of the scars?
How the scabbing is going so far?
Send you a picture (which I won't, as it's too high up - creep)?
Swear it to your God?

I'm sorry I'm getting angry, but you had it coming.

THIS PISSES ME OFF.

You think I'm some effing 50-year-old deadbeat (as you probably are - do you like ignorant claims?) who has the TIME to make up long stories on love forums?

I'm genuinely concerned about something and I get piss from...wait, WHO are you?

Do you want to come over here and lick them, taste the blood?
Want me to send you a little sample?

OR would you rather me just not come to this forum for help? Because if these are the answers I'm going to get, I'll ask elsewhere. If this forum does not have the maturity level to address serious issues and can only deal with mundane happenings such as break-ups and mid-life crisis shit, then fine. I'll come for that - maybe.

You know, at least my boyfriend is honest. I haven't heard him walking around calling people with scars, who've asked him for help, LIARS.

I'd hate to see a bastard like you on our police force. It's not like I'm saying I got attacked by bigfoot here.

You made me mad, but I don't give a damn if you don't believe me. Like I said, just DON'T post where people offering advice are supposed to be posting because you are not one of those people.

And I forgot to add...

If you're such a loser that you're lurking relationship forums calling people trolls and have the time to watch Dexter - what business have you criticizing ME?

Enjoy your damned mass entertainment. I have problems to solve.

And if I were going to make up wild stories, why in the HELL would I take it from a television show if I wanted to be taken seriously???

*Sigh*

I'm done. You don't want to help me? So be it.

Go call someone else a troll.

[vashti]

If you aren't a troll, which is highly questionable, you are obviously the victim of assault, and things will get worse. He should be in jail, and you shouldn't feel sorry for him, and if you DO, there is something very wrong with you.

[Analeigh008]

The reason I JOINED the forum was because I was seeking advice on the issue. This looked like one of the more active options, but as I'm seeing, active does not necessarily = better. Sorry I made the mistake.

Sorry for not joining at a more flowery time in my life - when I did NOT need forums like this.

It's the most immediate issue for me right now. I need help with it soon, as I plan to speak to him or someone else about it soon, whatever I decide to do.

Sorry - did I need to post an intro detailing my small hobbies and crafts first? Chat some? Mingle?

I joined a love advice forum because I need ADVICE on an ISSUE. Is that so hard to understand?

Oh...was I supposed to make my first one that would make a beautiful impression of me upon you fine and honorable people (who, so far, have not proven yourselves so)? Are serious first posts not allowed here?

Is it really more rational to you that while this just happened to me, I'm going to post about something else? Like how my day went? How my grades are sinking? Does that sound like a more pleasant first story?

[misombra]

dump him.
________

[Agape]

"He got a knife (from the same place)...well, I think that's what they're called...the kind that folds out from the handle.
He cut me. Not messily like stabbing, but in straight lines...kind of like how it looks when people cut their wrists...except these were long lines on my thigh. He didn't cut any higher than my thigh (thank GOD).

I didn't look at his face while this was happening. I'm guessing he enjoyed it, since he kept doing it. He removed my underwear after that...they had blood on them. Not a lot, but it looked like I had been on my period."

ARE YOU SERIOUS?! . . . Call 911 or something because that's just f'ed up . . . Leave him now!

[Analeigh008]

I can't simply dump him. If I ever cared about him, how could I dump him knowing he has a problem, or many for that matter? And what for the next girl he dates if I did just dump him and I did NOTHING knowing he isn't right, and this or something worse happens to her?

In some cases they do, but in this case, simplistic answers aren't going to solve the bigger problem (nor are simplistic insults).

...I've seriously posted this exact same thing on another completely different advice forum in search of getting more opinions in since I obviously don't know what to do. I'm seeking as much help as I can without directly asking anyone I know. That forum wasn't even relationship-specific. I got much more sincere, time-worthy advice there.

Here, I'm getting zero input, and relationships is supposedly the specialty of this forum...I don't want to bash the whole thing because of this, but it looks like serious problems are not this forum's strong point.

I'm kind of bummed now, as this feels like a waste of time. I obviously wrote a LOT. All of it was sincere. I got very little in return - nothing. I really put myself out there and got nothing.

"If you aren't a troll, which is highly questionable, you are obviously the victim of assault, and things will get worse. He should be in jail, and you shouldn't feel sorry for him, and if you DO, there is something very wrong with you."

(Sorry, I don't know how to quote in posts)

How is something wrong with me for feeling sorry for him? Wanting to help him and make him better, if possible? How come no one can understand that jail will not improve him? For this he'd go in for months to a few years, come out, and be worse than before, to someone else's horror. Which is why I tried to make it clear that I don't want him imprisoned. Also, I do love him - believe me or not - still.

[MerryH]

Listen, I'm going to assume you're telling the truth, but the reason people are having trouble believing you is because A) it is a really atrocious story and B) your reaction to what happened to you is not what people would expect. You have to understand that it doesn't really sound believable, so don't get so upset that people questioned you. You say things that really don't make any sense, like this:

So far, I haven't told anyone I know. I know that news would get around and he would be in trouble. I DO NOT want that. It's not like he raped me.

From that experience, I think he's a sexual sadist. Nothing extreme (he didn't gag and torture me), but something under that category.

It WAS extreme. Really really extreme. He did torture you.

You're not processing what happened to you in a healthy way, which happens sometimes to survivors of an attack. Sometimes people will carry on as if nothing happened, want to help their abuser, don't want anyone knowing because it's embarrassing, blame themselves for not doing enough to stop it, etc. None of this is good, though. I know you said you don't want to talk to a counselor because they will have to report him, but that's not always the case, and it depends on who the counselor is. Are you a minor? Anyway, I strongly suggest talking to a professional about this. What happened to you is really, really messed up and you should really get some help. Don't worry about him so much. This is HIS problem, HE'S the one that did something terrible. Worry about yourself.

[misombra]

what the hell do you want us to tell you?

marry him. have ten kids. save the world by removing him from the dating pool.

[Only-virgins]

What are you all going on about? I regularly stick sharp objects in my girlfriend and stab her in the thighs. We are moving on to the next phase of the relationship in a week where I get to stab her in the face during sex repeatedly. He sounds like a keeper OP. Stay with him. You clearly have as many issues as he does. Bring a chain saw into the bedroom next time for some extra kink.

[MerryH]

I hate to be a downer, but man, you guys are ****ing cold. I mean I enjoy having some fun with dumb threads that don't matter, but if true, this one matters and your responses are potentially harmful. So could you guys either just help or STFU? Go make fun of shammi and his threads about white girls instead.

[Only-virgins]

I hate to be a downer, but man, you guys are ****ing cold. I mean I enjoy having some fun with dumb threads that don't matter, but if true, this one matters and your responses are potentially harmful. So could you guys either just help or STFU? Go make fun of shammi and his threads about white girls instead.

Is it a touchy subject with you? Did someone stab your thighs? Cause honestly the only advice is really obvious here. She should leave him and he should be thankful she doesn't press charges. That is it.

[misombra]

she wants to be with a guy who stabs her and cuts her up and you're saying MY posts are harmful?